Creature of the night.
Denizon
of the many-towered
necropolis of
shadows and
secrets whose
minarets of
cloud
swirl fitfully,
entwined with
cold pinpricks of
light overcome by a vast
void.
Creature of this dark world,
beast of eternal loneliness;
Owning only a brief life
filled solely with longing,
watching light with
faithful obsession.
A single lamp burning slowly,
filling your soul as you
compose a symphony of
silence
and write a poem of
space,
burning slowly out
and leaving you
ravaged and
hungered
once more.
Waiting for the light,
you paeon,
cold hope filling
your stone hard
heart,
bright features
on
pale, ghostly limbs,
unaccustomed to
any love,
your soul
can almost
seem...
satisfied.
Any yet, as the first
ray
just
laps
the horizon,
you are consumed
once more
by a groggy,
fitful sleep,
imprisoning you evermore
in the hell
that is your home.
Back to the catacombs
of blackness...
poor soul.
Comments?
Sorry, you cannot respond to an archived poemReviews
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I LOVE this one it's amazing. The line "compose a symphony of silence" just gets me, which isn't a surprise. I also love lines 46-49 they just kind of fall into place. I've always loved the way you break up the lines in your poems though it's so awesome.
. Rewarded 1
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thanks, that's what senor always tells me
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I really like the structure of the poem and the way the structure fits with the mood. It draws my eyes back and forth in an almost chaotic sort of way, but strings along certain series of words that go together. A lot of the descriptions are great and I can imagine a scene with them in it, but somehow the entire thing seems to be vague. You could try to cut down on the number of different scenes you create, and focus more upon the different sensory aspects of the scene to draw more effectively the reader into the poem. Everything seems like it has to do with sight, perhaps try talking about the many-towered necropolis "where blows a lonely wind," for example.
. Rewarded 4
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Hmmmm, I never thought about it but it is kind of vague...thanks for calling that to mind, I'll see what I can do and if it will work to revise it
Nienna
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Nice one!
Yea, its not that emo surely... though there is only a very thin line between emo n this poem. I like your style of writing. You use good words...beautiful words infact and then the staggered arrangement n all... really good. you just impressed me
. Anyways, good write. I liked it a lot. No suggestions on offer coz you have done a good job with it. Just keep writing.
. Rewarded 4
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very nice
very indifferent work.... -
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Indifferent? How do you mean? Just curious, here...wow, that took a long time to ask, huh?
Nienna
AKA Little Bird
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i felt so..
reature of this dark world,
beast of eternal loneliness;
Owning only a brief life
filled solely with longing,
watching light with
faithful obsession.
A single lamp burning slowly,
filling your sould as you
compose a symphony of
silence
and write a poem of
space,
burning slowly out
and leaving you
ravaged and
hungered
once more.
these lines made it indifferent....or made a indifferent feelings in my heart.
some time poetry is becoming beyond explanation...
prayers for you little bird....
madhu
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Interesting
i can only comment on the poem as a whole entity, it was very well put together in such a way that one cannot look at it any other way. I loved the tone, a whisper or rather a fleeting thought or a figment of imagination- that seems to be the subject- ur descriptions are very vivid and imagery is amazing. But where does the poem go from there....
P.s- denizens. Rewarded 4
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Nice ride
I do enjoy going on a littly adventure now and then... what I mean by this is that embarking upon a journey through the poetry and catching what may be a glimpse of some emotional shadowing of true events and feelings. I enjoy the form as it drags me down, spiral to the depths and looming darkness. I does get a bit thin... not trying to be funny there but I mean that some of the wording matched with the stacked form may tend to lose some readers. This can be fixed by adding anchors and refrain of ideas withtin the poem... althought some rides are long they can be enjoyable. Good write! keep it up.. Rewarded 4
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AWESOME !!! AWESOME !!! AWESOME !!!
It really is ... i loved it in each and every way . The structure itself is like a tower ... its really awesome . I love it ... keep writing
~~~Abhi~~~. Rewarded 4
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Thanks! Thanks especially for commenting on the structure...that's not usually noticed. Glad you enjoyed it
Nienna
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A swirl of darkened imagery.
This seems to be inscribing a downward plunge emotionally, yet figuratively I detect distinct vampyric tendencies within this work, Nienna.
"compose a symphony of
silence
and write a poem of
space,"
Great lines. The lost soul herein certainly seems ravaged by overwrought feelings of guilt (?). I also liked "minarets of clouds", among many others. Nothing from initial impressions to pinpoint in critical fashion. Slight typo on l.21. Oh and not sure what you mean with paeon (a metrical foot) in line 32. Is peon or paean (which might then be "Your paean") more appropriate? Maybe I just didn`t get this bit as you do have some good paeons in this piece: "You are consumed" - that`s one isn`t it?.
I also enjoyed the story-like flow, Nienna. Would "poor soiled soul" be a cool last line alternitive? Just heard it in my inner ear as I reread.
Distinctly unemo!
Warm regards,
gG
PS: By the way, just completed Irma #3 - The Cowl. Bloodier, beastlier and ballsier than ever I`m afraid. Will post shortly.. Rewarded 4
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Hey, gG, thanks for the comment...
Ooops...typo duly noted...meant peon, got confused (damn this dizzy head!). oh wow, i like the ending, that is good...mind if I use it?
Your vampyric detections are well-made...you're the only one to realize that as of yet...my secret is revealed! THanks again for the comments will fix e'ything soon
N
PS oh, TOTALLY can't wait... -
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Sure. No problem.
Use and abuse as you wish. I`m looking for a quote to go with The Cowl but my French works at a snail`s pace! -
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Yeah, I've never written stuff in other languages but I can imagine it's incredibly difficult...French especially (I take Italian)
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Very good
No need for critique from me. I bow to gG's astute observations and suggestions. I really do like your work, Nienna.. Rewarded 4
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Thanks, that really means a lot to me...I've said those words so many times to you they seem to lose their meaning...!
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Rusting Dreams
August 28, 2006