Share Poetry Critiques Poetry       Forums       Freewrite       Store      

Berta freistadt

  • Member since November 16, 2007.
  • I am a 65 year old person
  • I have 1 comment

Guest Book

Subject:

Comments

1 - 1 of 1
  • on Someone Else's Shoes (formerly 'Gaza- full circle) by Windhover, on February 5, 2009

    Good - almost there

    I don't' think you need the last 2 lines - kind of withdraws into humour when above it's a snappy, sharp, to the point poem. Also think you need to re-think ' in the name of liberty' - 1st, it's a cliche. 2nd, & more important for yr poem it doesn't scan as the 3rd line to stanzas 1 & 2 do.

    Apart from this - I think it's a good poem. Thank you for letting me comment.

    Not suggesting a line or solution as requested beelow - you have to write yr own poem.

    do I sign off here ?

    Im berta Freistadt

    language: 3, rhythm: 3, subject: 5, tone: 4, form: 3.