- Last seen on Sep 27 6:34 PM 2007. Member since February 22, 2006.
- I am a girl from Texas (United States)
- When I'm not writing, I'm student.
- I have 6 comments, 3 archived poems
Guest Book
Comments
1 - 2 of 6
Show all
-
-
on Damned Taboo (Revised) by , on March 14, 2006
love it
First of all, I disagree with Tia Menon because I can clearly see imagery within the piece. I've read the poem over and over, trying to figure out why I like it so much. The word "theatricals" in line 1 made me giggle because I instantly thought of people who fake it and moan a little to much, a little to loudly (although I doubt that that was what the word was referring to, but that's what I got out of it). I love how every stanza has some connection to the senses, stanza 2 especially. I like how you incorporated mythology as well as the saying, "The eyes are the windows to the soul." I thought that it was a very clever way to allude to something well-known while stating "peering deeply into each other's eyes," but doing so with more finesse. The incorporation of the feelings of awkwardness afterward due to "societal taboo" was also brilliant. "Fire and brimstone" was also a nice touch. It shows how we view sex as a sin even though it can be a physical way to show love for another. And I love the last line. I truly love your poem and enjoyed reading it. Keep up the good work!. Rewarded 4
I like it.
I thought that the overall message was very clear and was presented in a creative way. The person who has brought you out of darkness and shown you how to fly again has betrayed or hurt you in some way. At least that was the message that I got from the poem. Some areas need a little help, and, if you don't mind, I would like to help you a bit. In line 2, I would take out "it is" after unironic. It makes the poem flow better. I would also consider changing the word "re-healed" in line 6. To me it interrupts with the flow. But that's only minor, seeing that it ties in with the previous lines where you use the words "re-awaken" and "re-soar." So do what you think is best.. Rewarded 4