I am 24 with a bacholer's degree in English with an emphesis in creative writing. I am published, with the earliest publication in 1998, and over 20 publications to my name. I am married as of June 21st of 2008.
I would like to get into writing a little more and welcome positive and negetive critcism that can help me edit my poetry. Much of it is not recent, but I wish to update it based on what I have learned in school and the comments I recieve. I only ask that you offer one thing I am doing right at least.
I would like to get into writing a little more and welcome positive and negetive critcism that can help me edit my poetry. Much of it is not recent, but I wish to update it based on what I have learned in school and the comments I recieve. I only ask that you offer one thing I am doing right at least.
- Last seen on Oct 22 8:41 AM. Member since August 19.
- I am a 24 year old woman from Missouri (United States)
- I have 6 comments, 2 archived poems
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on untitled by , on August 24
beautiful images.
Mojo,
I love the images the poem invokes. They seam to deepen as the lines move forward. Each stanza adds onto the next. The first evaluates how often "love" is believed to come and go through the use of distances and the description of land masses rather than time or space. The second brings in the idea that "love" is ever changing, but we always seam to notice it no matter how it is presented. The third dives a little deeper into how "love" keeps us entranced. The fourth just brings the poem full circle with an inability to name this emotion that we feel is so real we cannot mistake it.
In Stanza 3, Line 5 there is one word choice that seams a little more repetitious than it could be. "Full Entrapment" is a unique choice, but seamed a little rough. The word entrapment suggests capturing the full attention, even without the word full before it. It feels like a double negetive. Perhaps a better word to suggest the same idea might be "complete" rather than full. Complete suggests the same idea without feeling like a double negetive, and offers another deep image in addition.
Overall, beautiful piece of work. I am glad to have had the chance to read it.
~Jenn
. Rewarded 8
that sounds better.
using seduction in place of entrapment works. It gives it a sexy mood, and ties the poem together much better. Almost letting the poem seduce you while not being about anything sexual.