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Joeker007

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  • Sensed Scent at allpoetry
    I've been getting a sense of your growing despair
    from a scent I have sensed in the frigid cold air
  • A Hole at allpoetry
    I should dig a hole
    deep enough to stand in
  • Crush the World in Paradox (Long Live the Lingerers! III) at storywrite
    Oh, the lingering peoples of the Other's mind...
    Will they ever realize their great flaw? It's the Other's fault. He refuses to expose them to the outside world. He refuses

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  • on Dr. Suess's Guide To Hate by dave ochs, on March 1, 2006

    Very nice.

    I do agree with some of the others, though. It was a bit long. You could maybe remove lines 47 - 61. I think it would have a stonger impact if you keep it to talking about people. It kind of loses the sarcastic anger throughout.

    Maybe it's because I read it a bit quickly, but it didn't flow as well as Seuss in my mind. Still good though. It probably sounds better orally.

    I love the way you ended it though, and though whole theme of hating absoluetly everyone came through pretty well. Hope it's not how you really feel.

    . Rewarded 4

  • on Go on by , on August 18, 2005
    These are some pretty decent lyrics, maybe a bit cliche, but still pretty good. I feel like the chorus could use more substance, though. I like the repitition, but maybe you can change the words or add some more the the lines in between “Go on, Go on.”

    I think in the last stanza/verse, line 33 kinda interrupts the flow of it. Maybe you can shorten it or remove it all together.

    In the verses, you could probably be a little more descriptive, at least in the first four lines of verse 2. Try thesaurus.com, lol, I use it a lot.

    All in all it was pretty good and I’d like to hear the beat you must have had in mind when writing it.

    Well, I hope I helped a bit.

    ~Joe

    . Rewarded 4