Share Poetry Critiques Poetry       Forums       Freewrite       Store      

Melkabardle

My other items

1 - 2 of 2   Show all
  • goodnight. at allpoetry
    The sun, a hot vessel sparking trees over water, does not concern itself with partings.
  • How potholes fill after rain. at allpoetry
    The people least likely
    to recieve the dubious honor of [i]deep[/i]

Guest Book

Subject:

Comments

1 - 1 of 1
  • on Poetry by Kiddy, on September 1, 2007
    I loved these lines, they made me laugh: "Everyone is a poet and philosopher
    while suffering! "
    Specific and insightful, this was really a hightlight to keep the middle of the poem from stagnating too much. I think the rest of the stanza that these lines begin, though, is a bit awkward; I got the sense that the voice changed between these two lines and the following four.

    S8 is a bit vague; there are details everywhere else but here. This would work better if you implied the hugeness and impossibility of the questions and answers. What is the greatest expectation? Do we even know? If this confustion were more sense or imagery based, more emotional and evocative, then it would contrast better with the certainty of the end of the poem (which would highlight both parts well)