sometimes I catch myself
catching her
in a moment of beauty and perfection
such as she has always had
and always will.
Even now my heart stirs for her
cannot find words for the thrill
of knowing she loves me.
How
I rejoice in the great act
of brilliant common sense
that saw me vow
I’d cling to her always.
I have such a poor song
to sing to her
but she always listens
In a list
Comments?
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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You give me hope
that someday someone will feel this way about me. And you know I haven't always been open to that possibility. I find it very touching and amazing that a man can feel this way about a woman on a long term basis. I have another friend on this site who has been very encouraging to me. I think I need to consider what you guys have been telling me. I love the flow of this, the way you've put these words together is your own moment of beauty and perfection. Every line is significant - there's no filler here. Every line is lovely. She's lucky to have a man feel this way about her. If I remember correctly, you've been married a long time and I'm encouraged that you mean everything you say here after all this time. Lines 1 through 5 - how fantastic you have those moments. Lines 6 through 13 - to be unwavering in your choice of bride. Lines 14 through 15 - sad, sweet...and 16 has a real punch. I would like to point out, she's lucky to have you too.. Rewarded 1
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I feel a bit of a fraud trying to field this kind of compliment for , believe me, I am the source of many trials and tribulations for my long-suffering better half. On the other hand I would hate to rain on the parade of anyone's hope so I'll stick to the positivity that infuses the poem. I do feel lucky that I have a lifelong relationship which endures. I always say you can't TELL anybody anything. By which I mean you can't impart wisdom I think. Getting through the rough stuff isn't about being proud you stuck it out. It has its own very real rewards and , long-term partner or not , I'm sure you know what I mean. If you don't , there's no point me boring you with an explanation. Thanks for the lovely comment. Keep the Faith. >W<
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Another sweet moment
Windhover, you've captured another one of "those" elusive moments of the intelligent heart. I like this: its simplicity, its directness.
I was especially taken, as another respondent was, by lines 10-12 -- that's what made me think of "the intelligent heart." And the one word of line 9 is quite powerful. Isn't it amazing how a one-word line can be so intense?
I'm a bit confused by the "Still" of line 6. I take it to mean "yet" or "but" or "nevertheless," which seems an odd turn-around from the previous lines into what follows. And I see that you likely wanted a rhyme with "will" and "thrill." Or maybe you wanted the connotation of "still" as "silent." I tried reading that line without "still," and it seemed to work. Just a thought for you.
Lovely poem, again.
Pentameterman
. Rewarded 4
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Thanks 'Si'
I have a bad habit of shortening people's names for which I apologize up front. Penatameterman is a good handle but too long to write often and I hope I'm going to be using it quite a lot. It rings to me of 'Rhymin' Simon' - hence you will be 'Si'to me from now on - unless you seriously object for any reason!
It's always great to get an informed and considered critique like this one and I thank you for it. The idea of an 'intelligent heart' appeals to me as my poetry is untutored and largely 'flow of consciousness' based. What appears on the page is pretty much what presents itself at any given moment and I tend not to rework it too much or labour over its production. I often wonder if that's laziness on my part or is it having faith in my instincts. I never find stuff I've struggled with very satisfying. I like to 'feel' it rather than think or compose it.
Obvious rhymes are an inevitable side-effect of this system. The 'still' you refer to is probably more about rhyme than meaning, thought its sense was supposed to be 'even now'.
In deference to your valued input and as a tribute to your work which I admire, I intend to change it to 'even now'.
I look forward to doing poetry with you in future.
My Best. Windhover.
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awwwwwwwwwwww...beautiful! loved ones should always listen no matter how stupid the words. If they are3 stupid atleast you have someone to tell you before you tell anyone esle!^^ It was great, it flows oh so well. hehe sry hyper...im at school right now, biology. well keep up the good, no wonderful work.
ashley. Rewarded 4
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Very Nicely written
I must say that lines 14-17 caught my attention first than the rest which I think, too is beautiful. 6-8 too is very well said and I totally agree. You know it is often lines like these that give roundedness to the whole poem. The rest then seem like fillins. Of course the poetry would not be complete without them either. Although to the person writing a poem every word is a brick.. Rewarded 4
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I really enjoy when you write about you better half,it is in this type of writing that you words conveys your greatest emotions.
lines 10- 12 I love cause it seems as though you consider yourself a lesser person when it comes to your wife. your telling me that your vow to her is the smartest thing you ever did...sweet
lines 14-16
paints a picture of a damsel looking out the window of a really tall building and you waaayyy down below with your guitar knowing that she is out of you reach yet still trying to understand why she even pays you any heed.
as usual windy great work.. Rewarded 4
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You give me too much credit
I doubt if I could ever feel or be as self-effacing as you seem to imagine! But you could be right about this material being emotionally rich for me. Several others have said similat things about poems to my better half. And I DO often wonder how I got so lucky. Then again- I often, maybe even usually , take it all for granted.But you cant write a poem about that - can you? Anyway , great to see the elusive Ketura's face in my place! Hope you're being good - and writing . My Best >W<
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woooohoooo!
Is this another poem where I'm partly responsible????? Do tell!!!! It feeds my feminine ego!!!!!
John, this is typical of your simple but "classy" writes. I love reading it, really! Another one of those poems that makes me love being a woman! (another one is Dave's 'The Heart of the Matter', hahaha).
Love lines 6-8 and 10-12. Very sweet!
Indeed the best things in life are free and simple! And the use of Mona Lisa seems clever! (as she has no choice but listen to the 'poor song you sing to her')
I will be a good girl if you keep writing like this!
SingingThoughts (ha!)
. Rewarded 4
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Sentimentalthoughts !
Yes , take a bow - your request for more poems about my wife has paid more dividend. She is a terrific role-model for your bunch (women) and I'm lucky to have her . Every now and then I manage to record that fact. She's particularly popular right now and I'm not telling you why - even if you do promise to be good which we all know you can't be ! Thanks for the positive comment and support , Lynne !
p.s.
What did you think of my suggestion for a title for Dave's poem ? Do you recognize the quotation? I'm canvassing to get him to change it !
p.p.s.
stop calling me John - your blowing my cover and there are enemy agents EVERYWHERE ! Secretagentthoughts. -
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Now, now....
......Of course i can be goooooood!!!!! it's my natural trait! (ha!) so are u telling me the scoop on your wife's popularity???? LOL
I had to research that title you suggested to Dave. LOL. It's funny...but im pretty sure --DAve is as stubborn as I am. haha
okkkkkaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy Mr. Whomever, i will stop calling you **H* (see? I am obedient too! haha)
ScoopingThoughts
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Aww! This is so sweet! I imagine if ther person you wrote this about read it, she was very flattered! This is very very well written. It gets straight to the point and sais it so sweetly.
Loved it!. Rewarded 4
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