Autumn leaves me
warm
wrapped in her colours
enchanted by the rustle of her dress
dazzled by the flat light
of her late rising sun,
soothed by the glow of her
red skies at night
it feels right
that she is burning now
the year turning now
and I yearning
for what is more beautiful?
the leaf new sprung
green and unknowing
or the one about to fall
conscious of its going
resplendent
in the first full bloom
of its decay
I say
colour me
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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red and gold, the bleeding skyline
loved it.. it might be the middle of winter, but those images leave me all red and gold.. (and I don mean the Christmas kind)that's all I can say.. guess i've been away too long..
the pic is brilliant btw..
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thanks Zephra
The ladies liked this one - as I hoped they might. The fairer sex can be at its fairest in later life. Thanks also for noticing the image. I was secretly pleased with that myself! So glad you liked this one. >W<
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I thought I commented on this already, but I can't find it. It's one of my favorites because I can relate to it. It makes me feel like I can be considered beautiful even though I don't look like I did at 23 (Lines 13-15). It is a beautiful tribute to your wife. She's a very lucky woman to have a husband that loves every stage of life you've shared.
The visuals and the imagery are beautiful. Every line is a gem, but Lines 16 - 22 pack such a punch, especially 21 and 22. I hope to be as lucky some day.
Oh, hope. Did I say hope? Am I being optimistic about my own beauty, my future? I wonder where that came from.....
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Oooh
I really like it. Particularly lines 10-12 and 14-17. The only part I might change is line 13, although I'm not sure myself how to make it better. Actually, you might be able to just take it out, by changing the "or's" to "and's." Hrmm...
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I really like the concept of this one, a different way to write about seasons (which are fun to write about, I'm a bit obsessed with them now). I think this is a genuinely good poem though. The title is great and really gives more depth and intrigue to the poem. Thanks for sharing.
. Rewarded 4
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Thank you for commenting
In truth it more uses the seasons to write about older women but it's an interesting slant to flipflop the idea. Thanks again.
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named
i love how this was related. even if you weren't trying to, i sensed a sensuality about the season. her ripening.. Rewarded 4
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Titled
Hi PK, thanks for reading and commenting. I didn't think I'd tried to hide the fact that this is ALL about sensuality . Do you suggest that the season itself is sensual? It is of course , but I'd never thought of it as being actually sexual..quite a thought. Is it what you meant though? Thank you for it anyway. My Best >W< -
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that is what i meant. maybe its just me.
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Wonderful
I love the premise its beautiful writen, and worded as always. The ending just sums up the whole poem and I think its perfect. In short a beautiful poem.
-Red-. Rewarded 4
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Come on Red - you just liked the colours !
Ha ha ! Hey , thanks a million for liking it and telling me so . Hope everything is great with you .
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backpanther412
Very nice, colorful. -
Masterpiece
This piece is absolutely beautiful. I found your choice of words entrancing throughout. You paint such a pleasing picture of aging, and I hope to find that there are more men who feel this way! You have a true gift.. Rewarded 4
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Far too big a word
but I do thank you sincerely and I'm so glad you liked this one. It's dedicated to my wife but also to all women who find beauty in themselves beyond the pages of mindless and flashy magazines. Thank you again for your incredibly kind words and encouragement. >W<
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Insightful
What a lovely piece John with a true appreciation of qualities of the fairer sex. There's hope for us all - it leaves me with a feeling of anticipation and optimism. Moreover, it is a comforting piece or do I mean comfortable? Mellow - that's the word! Nailed it. It makes me feel mellow. And by George, after the day I've had, I need mellow right now!
As for the content, I admire the manner in which you have said so much in so few words. The subtle play on words with 'Autumn leaves - leaves me' and 'year / yearning' and that second line - 'warm' - sets a lovely tone for the metaphor, which forms the main artery of this poem.
All good stuff again John!
Cheers,
Mart
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Well done!
The sustained metaphor of this poem is indeed beguiling! The eternal feminine strikes again! You may not have been aware but there is a dactylic cadence to lines such as :
"*wrapped in her *colours
en*chanted by the *rustle of her *dress"
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About content:
As one who can look back over more than three quarters of a century of productive life, I could take issue with the idea. This poem paints it as the end of the previous generation and calls it elderly. Come ON, man!! Twenty years ago I was not nearly as happy as I am today!
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The bright reds were there then, of course, with successes, with my grown children around me, and grandchildren growing nicely, but health problems were more prominent, and other issues lurked-- For instance worries, when my dad died, he had not yet seen his sixtieth year, (Massive stroke, and I have had strokes too) and my mother had said hello to Alzheimer's. Safely past those hazards, it is a calm and restful time in spite of heavy workloads (bored without, glad still to be able,) but most of all, freedom at last just to be who and what I am, truly the golden years!
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The only sadness is in the large number of "leaves" my age which have fallen, many of them already long ago. Must say though, still high up in the tree I appreciate the green pines and spruces, and the view in all directions is spectacular!
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Decay? Say, what? However, your last verse echoes most beguilingly! Thank you for a thought-provoking work!
Terry
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My Dear Terry
its so nice to realize I'm still capable of the 'folly of youth' even in my advancing years. Thank you for pointing it out to me so nicely and so eloquently. Always great to hear from you , particularly to hear you wax lyrical about your happiness. You are an inspiration in the real sense of the word. My Best >W< -
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Hey, the stars work!
I thank you sir!
Now if this tiny box, one word wide-- One SMALL word wide, weren't here to mess this up, I would have given you the secret. So easy!
Suppose I just send you the overflow? Years and years ago I wrapped some lines of verse around it and called it a poem, but have no idea where I put it.
This isn't making sense anymore.
Do you suppose a couple of strong guys could wrestle some width into this space?
Am I the only one jammed into this cage?
Did it even make sense?
Escaping! Good night!
Terry
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I don't know what color I am. Tell you the true color scares me b/c it means change.
I think you bring a good point to the table, age is okay and we are all going to get there someday. If you want I will help color you! Just give me some markers! Though you are already colored with wisdom and life which is also shown through this one!
good job,
ur FRIEND Ashley
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Thanks for this Ash
Getting older has its rewards. Just like being young isn't always as brilliant as older people naustalgically think it is. your friend >W<
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Excellent analogy!
"With age comes wisdom" that's not all it comes with...to be seasoned in our prime adds so many hues, textures and flavors to feast on, there's no beauty like it indeed.
I'm VERY proud to say I'm coloring nicely, I wouldn't go back to being green for nothing in the world
Wonderfully done, let the ink flow!
Blessings
Sandi
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Thank you Sandi
nice to hear from one of my target audience! Glad this arrow found its mark and you enjoyed it enough to comment. Ny Best. >W<
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great poem
I really enjoyed this piece of poetry. I know older is better and you made it sound wonderful.VERY NICELY DESCRIPTIVE.Very well
written.Thanks for enlightening me on getting older.
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Thanks onehappy1
Older is not better - it simply has its own rewards, a little less obvious than those of youth which all young people take for granted. Youth is wasted on the young they say. But wisdom is also wasted on the old! All life is a 'Catch 22'! Just enjoy it. ALL of it! Thanks for commenting >W<
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WH...
Now, I can't wait to live the rest of my life.
Thank you for giving me a really beautiful picture of growing old. If it were me, I'll color you the whole rainbow.
L
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Where are my crayons!
Thought you'd like this one . Now you know you can continue being a temptress into your Autumnal years! And so glad you 'got' the 'colour me' bit. You're the only one naughty enough to admit to it! By the way - that's 'I'd' ...color you the whole rainbow. And I'd let you! LOOOOL ! Ha Ha ! Later, Seasonedthoughts! -
Thank you Bluebird
and thank you for the poem you messaged me by return. Was it an old one or something you ran off specifically? Time is no different in Ireland ( unless you're watching the clock of course when we're at least 5hours ahead you and 8hrs ahead of the West Coast.) The Fall is The Fall wherever you are. Appreciate the positive feedback and thanks again. >W< -
Where are my crayons!
Thought you'd like this one . Now you know you can continue being a temptress into your Autumnal years! And so glad you 'got' the 'colour me' bit. You're the only one naughty enough to admit to it! By the way - that's 'I'd' ...color you the whole rainbow. And I'd let you! LOOOOL ! Ha Ha ! Later, Seasonedthoughts!
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Such Understanding!
The eternal paradox of spring vs. autumn, youth vs. age...your beautifully written words lead me to believe that you understand enough to chose. Excellent, Bluebird -
'Autumn Leaf' or 'Old Women'
...my comment would be the same. Poetry means a lot to me. Your poem is simple to understand. I always have two ways of comprehending any poem. 1. First reading to get the very sound of the poem and 2. Second reading to find the underlying meaning of it.
To me, autumnal color means nothing but fading of youth (ageing) and spring is childhood, summer is youth, autumn- fading of youth and winter the old age.
Your ‘Old Women’ – Margaret(s)
Autumn Leaf – Goldengrove unleaving
Leaf new Sprung – spring’s sorrows
Conscious – Guessing of ghost
Color me – her grief
Sorry, I should have explained why Sp(r)ung meant to me a lot!! Spring/sprung- my favorite words and I relate them always with ‘Hopkins’ ‘Spring and Fall’. I started with a quote from ‘Spring and Fall’ and I believed that it would convey the kind of perception I had for you poem.
Bird, I am a happy poet only when I get more interpretations to my write. I’m a happy reviewer only when I give more than what is intended!
I apologize, if you aren’t happy with my comment!
Thank you!
KC
. Rewarded 4
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Oh this is lovely. I must say I preffer this layout than your previous revision. Free verse is such a hard form to get right but this works for me. I love the first lines "Autumn leaves me warm" with the play with the words. I'm also glad you've added the last line "Colour me" - I always did want to know what you said! This has inclinations toward the Pastoral poets of the Romantic period
Love
Your Nubile Nemesis!
. Rewarded 4
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"By and by, nor spare a sigh / Though worlds of wanwood leafmeal lie;"
Dear W,
When summer turns to autumn for everyone, everything turns to winter for those ready to bid adieu to autumn. When youth fades and age springs, just it is youth of old age! Beginning of the end is again a start indeed. It sounds like a ‘Goldengrove unleaving’ as it echoes ageing(I really am not sure)! Autumn is just a transition from spring to winter. Though she knows well that mortality is bound to happen and there is no magic tool to hide the real color of her as she is already in her autumn, she just wishes! - It is well reflected in the lines:
"conscious of its going
resplendent
in the first full bloom
of its decay" -
To unleave, she breaks for a moment in her proceedings and wished that it would be okay, if she was colored!
"I say
Color me" - Pause -> realization!
This is how I construed! I really enjoyed this poem!
Sp(r)ung (but for this, I would not have read this poem) – Thanks for taking back to ‘Spring and Fall’- but this poem is a Spring in Fall!!!!!!
Thank you,
KC
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Thank You KC
Dear KC,
Forgive me for asking but is English your first language? Your speech-rhythms suggest perhaps not, and I am sometimes left wondering a little exactly what you mean. For instance,do you believe the poem to be about women or Autumn? It was originally called 'Autumn leaf' but I felt that title left this question too open. I also wonder about why 'spung' was important to you . I so appreciate such detailed and considered comments as these and I thank you sincerely for this one. It just seems a shame to feel I am guessing about what worked for you and what might not have.
My Sincere Thanks Once More. >W<
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hey windover
the leaf is a metaphor for an aging women right? Or was older women a metaphor for a leaf.
I iike older women and i like older leafs too. but not so old they fall off the tree and get raked into a big pile of dried brown things and decay. Just like if a women gets too old she gets all wrinkled and wears polyester suits.
is spung a word?
nice imagery fall is a beautiful time of year. sorry for the sub-par review.
dave. Rewarded 4
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Timing is everything.
Didn't think the review was sub-par Dave, thought it was vintage Ochs actually and it gave me quite a laugh. Or is it that you're not 'gone' on the poem? I like older women , within reason of course - though I'm running out of road in that regard! I think that around forty - fifty , many women enjoy a second 'bloom' which can be quite spectacular, even more alluring to a man of my years than the 'Spring' bloom of younger women, who , though clearly more beautiful are lacking in so many of the fine qualities older women are likely to possess. It's a precarious beauty of course as 'the fall' is imminent. But the image of the glowing red leaf says a lot I hope. If you get one THESE babies at the right time - WOW!
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Fall 'n Rising
Bird, once again your innately gentle embracing of nature -- and it's lovely.
Line 22: the double-color image: green AND autumned, new AND old. Clear self-knowing, clear yearning. Nice.
At first, I thought you wanted "which" for "what" in line 13; but no, as usual you knew "what" you wanted -- the "what" both leans back to line 12 and reaches forward to lines 14 and on; so, "which" would be wrong. Perfect double volta. And the deliberately omitted question mark in line 20 makes the line an unquestioning declaration leading into lines 21-22. Beautiful; the labor is hidden, the images easy.
Fall is my favorite season, always has been. Your poem shows me why.
Do you want "sprung" in line 14?
My new one enfolds "discombobulated" into it. Ha, beat you to it.
Ciao.
. Rewarded 4
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