We had such a great night
so how come we're fighting now?
All the way home in the taxi
I told you how I loved you
and how I would show you
keeping my hand between your knees
'Please!' you breathed
squirming, not knowing what you meant
aware of mine
but not your own intent
the taxi-driver got a good tip
and now he's gone
we're alone in the kitchen
two teas please
and a smoke for you
I gave them up five years ago
but right now I want one too.
to bed, to bed
says not-so-sleepy head
but we talk a while instead
"What was that you said?"
maybe I misread
but did things just take a turn?
the part of us that yearns, it seems
has stuff to say
and no sense of timing
the rhyming we've been doing
all night
just struck an iceberg of discord
one harsh word
and we're sinking
shit like this happens
when you've been drinking
now the 'f'word is said in anger
and I'm storming up the stairs
alone
the quiet of the house
that had wrapped around us like a robe
and a promise
echoes empty
in the distance between us now
how did I manage that?
I sleep
I wake
I don't know
I find you in the spare room
curled up with your frown
I bend down and kiss your nose
as I slide between the bed-clothes
I pick up
where you left off
I feel you
stirring
"I hate you" you say
"I'll get rid of you some day"
"I know you do, Honey " I smile
and we stay in the spare bed for a while
Author notes
Born out of a conversation with Celestialpie. Now I have to kill her !
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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John...
even though im really sleepy, i wont let this pass. maybe i missed it when u posted it sometime ago, but not tonight, i won't.
this speaks a lot to me, seriously. hmmm, i take relationships very seriously but at the same time is very conscious of how much a human heart can really take, "hurts" for example. here you speak of those undefined gaps between two defined instances, like a perfect moment and suddenly, something turned so wrong. I've been there a couple of times. I usually, let the silence embrace me, and u talk about it here, too. how does one talk about silence by letting it be....(im not sure if im making sense!)
oh well....guess i have a lotttttttttt to learn!
Loved this John. An good addition to my favorites on here!
hope all is well over there,
LYNNE
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Powerful
This poem evokes so many emotions in me. No matter how well your doing sometimes it just takes one wrong word and the whole thing falls apart. If it can be fixed it will, if it can't then it wasn't meant to be. Just a side thought that your poem drew me too. A wonderful poem Windhover.
-Red- -
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Thanks Red
It's great to think my poems resonate with people Feedback like this means a lot. I'm truly grateful. >W<
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A challenge conquered...
I feel like there is a great deal of emotion and complex passion in this poem, and that is often a great challenge to put down on paper. As my little title suggests, I think you conquered it. While reading this poem, I could see the words playing out in front of me and I could feel the tide of emotion wrapped up in it. It was like watching a movie in my mind. My favorite line in the whole poem may surprise some but it is:
the quiet of the house
that had wrapped around us like a robe
It was a line to spoke of something so familiar to me and I just think that poem nails a feeling that is hard to describe. Silence is not simply silence... it takes many different forms and produces many different feelings. The whole poem was great for me but this specific part drew an extra nod from me.
Great job on an excellent poem. Thanks for sharing!
. Rewarded 4
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"Silence is not simply silence..."
Indeed. It is a theme I have visited many times in writing. There is such a thing as a pregnant silence and a calm before the storm, each different. I explored the notion of different types of breathlessness in this same vein in a poem called (originally!) 'Breathless'. Yet again, Butch you show a poet's eye in your comment. It's easy to write for such a receptive audience.I'm very gratified both by your considered and insightful comment and by your choice of highlight. Thank you once again. >W<
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I'm an expert at quitting the wicked weed!
I've done it so many times!
John - I'll be back to this one later. I'll use the edit function, but for now I wanted to acknowledge another fine write. Loving your work....
Right - now work is out the way, time for a bit of pleasure (he says lighting up). First of all, let me say that I was so pleased this had a happy ending. Call me a hopeless romantic, but it was a paradox for it to end in accord; I really was expecting smashed plates in the valedictory stanza.
I've said it before about some of your other poems, but this really does hit the reality button spot on. How often do great evenings turn into ones to forget as a result of over sensitive analysis and feelings from a throwaway comment or word? The senses heightened by alcohol as much as the emotional intelligence is dulled. And this piece captures that moment when the mood changes extremely well.
I like the form of this too. Almost conversational, matter-of-fact in style - the narrative makes for an easy read. The free verse has, embedded within it, some very intelligent use of rhyme to aid the flow; just enough and not too much to appear forced. There's an air of restraint in the language ('f' word), which is most appealing too. That's rich coming from me!
Nice job!
Mart. Rewarded 4
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You sly devil, you.
Bird, there you go again, neatly capturing one of those moments so hard to grasp into words. Nice indeed. Funny and wise...and horny-satisfied after all.
Here the favorites:
23: that dangerous moment between spouse-lovers: a tipping point to...where?
33: of course, you know that this can sometimes happen when both are soberest. Maybe those are even worse: no excuses.
36: made me laugh: huffing up those stairs "alone." Ah yeeessss (as WC Fields would have it): those blue balls in a black mood.
56: there's the secret, you've found it! Re-inventing the awful into LUV.
Good poem, Bird. Made me laugh and turn red as though looking into a mirror.
The very first poem of yours I commented on, I could see your genius for "moments." This one stands up to your best. My spouse intends to give up smoking over the next few days. I expect the worse between us, and the best, just as you say.
Ciao.
. Rewarded 4
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Thanks Lad
I've come to feel my poems aren't finished till they've been given a soothing once-over by Pentameterman. Capturing a moment is something you know a thing or two about yourself and if I recall correctly, 'Party a Jeff's ' wasn't too far from my thoughts when I wrote this. I always value and consider your work and your comment. 'Thank you ' doesn't always cut it . Thanks Lad .
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Heh. There's the Atlantic Ocean and half the North American land mass between you and me, pal. I guess I'll have to change my name to the Queen of Tarts, to warn everyone in advance of what I trouble-making pastry-hussy I am.
Great poem, though. You certainly answered my question. Clearly, you and your wife have been together a while-- these sort of things arise so easily after a point, even without the aid of alcohol. I love the way you have depicted the back-and-forth, tug-of-war inertia that occurs between a married couple. It's spot-on. I also love the final lines, 46-57. It's those little unspoken truces that save marriages time and again.
Thanks for sharing as well as for the shout-out-- I know you meant what you said in the note in the nicest possible way.
. Rewarded 4
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