Christian
was five foot nuthin’
and it was about
as far around him
as along him
with a shock of grey hair
he was devil-may-care
and his eyes
twinkled
ageing but not wrinkled
he was a jack
of all trades
and master of none
he worked cheap
to keep himself
and two sons
busy
and the wolf from the door
poor Christy was –
poor
in his big chest
there was a big heart
and his short, broad back
was strong
Christy got his hands dirty
a few more ways than one
his sins more mischievous
than wrong
he did odd jobs for me
and we always got along
okay
then one day
the Devil came up
in conversation
“Ye have to love the Divil”
I was sure he hadn’t meant it
“You mean ‘give him his due’ of course’
thought that'd end it
but he chose
to defend it
“Ah, no! Ye have to love him ..”
I made him stop
“Indeed an’ I don’t!” I flared
caught on the hop
“an ye’ll take that back or you won’t work again in this shop!”
Christy had that look upon his face
of a man caught between a rock
and a hard place
surprised by the resolve of my attack
he had –
but didn’t want-
to take it back
he did
and I didn’t
think again of what we’d said
till two weeks later
when I heard
that he was dead
He’d been on a mission
of mercy
to collect his daughter
from a neighbour’s
where she stayed
huddled and afraid
of the storm
he never came back
they found him nearby
and all supposed
it was a heart attack
perhaps it wasn’t only his daughter
who found the lightning
frightening
but no, his big old heart was fine
and the doctors struggled
to divine
a cause of death
it was a mystery
finally
they noticed his feet
and discerned
they had been burned
it turned out that
small as Christy was
the cause
of death
was lightning strike
make of it what you like
but when you do
don’t forget to
give the Devil his due
Author notes
truth is stranger than fiction
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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Some of the other comments suggest that this is slightly sinister (or at least it was to them), although to b honest I can't see this. I liked this poem, a nice story, simply and interestingly told. It has the feel of one of those old hokey american ghost stories, and the southern accents give it a bit of a "Devil Went Down to Georgia" feel.
The end was a slight anti-climax (I dunno, he says you have to love the devil, you make him take it back, he's struck by lightning. Well, how come the narrator isn't struck by lightning, wouldn't that make more sense? Or does said chap and the devil have some kinda pact? Ah well.), but I still liked it a lot. All felt very tongue in cheek and I enjoyed muchly. If this wasn't the intention... then maybe it needs a little work, LOL.
Iorek -
I think this is very effective and slightly scary. The idea of someone dying as they angered the devil is sumwhat frightening in my mind. Your discription of Christy in the begining painted a very vivid image of the man and impressed me greatly, also the fact he was "he was a jack of all trades and master of none" showed his attitude of was he wanted to help but didn't have the intelligence to hown his skills, which i felt was well reflected in the poem as a whole as he had a large heart but was silly enough to love the devil. Also i felt the change of language between the narration and speech and a good impact. I believe the message was well portrayed to the audience, it really gave me the impression of, even if u don't agree with the devil or his means you better show him some respect and the credit he deserves no matter what some one says. Also your mixture of formal and informal language was perfect. However i did feel sorry for poor Christy, he tried his best at what he did and love the devil and yet still became a victim of his temper, And his poor family, his daughter and two sons were probably distraught. Also i did have to read it a few times to get the full impact, i think your flow was a little off. I'm afrid i cannot believe this death is related to the devil converstaion two weeks earlier so despite its impressiveness i remain an unbeliver. thank you for taking the time to read this comment and i loved your poem overall.
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Your comment is very gratifying, Dream, as you seemed to absolutely 'get' everything I tried to put across here. Christy WAS a very likeable rogue and I certainly don't think he 'earned' his fate. And of course, each reader must make of it what they will. The poem is however a pretty detailed and accurate account of something that actually happened. That it made you think and held your interest is absolutel reward enough. Thank you again.
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The Devil goes without any due.
This I feel does not quite give the devil his due.
This peice feels to be lacking an essential strength to the words.
There is also no compelling correlation between conversing about the devil and his death in general. It is there but not much seems to be said.
Reading this felt a little tiresome because a natural flow was hard to find. You seem to have a similiar problem that I also have encountered and that is, putting one or two commas, for some reason or another, but not where diction is truly needed.
Also the fourteenth stanza, nineth line, "to divine" not sure if that is an intended pun or a typo of, "to define"
I feel you have a magnificent idea, but it needs to be reworked a bit. Remember some stories, to find the right justice it takes a harder trail.
Happy writings. -
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Thank you for taking so much time with this.
I'm so sorry this one didn't work for you but greatly appreciate your reading and commenting. Some things work for some people - others not.
On the technical front 'divine' was the appropriate word here and a happy little pun as well. I only use punctuation where it is absolutely indispensable, preferring to use line breaks to 'pace ' the poem. Ultimately I have no message for the reader. Only a strange little tale about which I invite each man to make of what he will.
Thank you again.
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I read it twice, and was tempted to read it a third time because I was consumed by the woreds and the flow. A wonderful write.
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This is a lovely, lovely piece. Great narration... great form... great everything.
Christy got his hands dirty
a few more ways than one
his sins more mischievous
than wrong
These lines are so right there... it would have been so easy to not write them at all... but u did write them. and they leave a tingling sensation as you read through... and it somehow mixes and blends with the ending brilliantly. I don't really know if i am conveying myself well. but i do get all lost for words when i have to convey how i feel at times...
Loved the poem. Cheers.
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Really pleased you liked this one
because it's one of my favourites and , just in case you missed the footnote - a completely true story. 'A tingling sensation' is as high a compliment as you could offer and even though I suspect it's an exaggeration, I thank you sincerely. >W<
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great! good job and i agree, truth is stranger then fiction. this a great peice and i like it and you should do more of these types. sorry i cant post too much now, but im a little time pressed, thanks
-Colin -
You'er a Fine Laddy!
Wow ! A superbly written poem. A bouncy poem with
a bouncy beat! A zesty poem and what lovely a treat! Excellent storytelling, dialog and vivid imagery. You have special gift. Poem has the Midas Touch! You have a masterpiece here, and you must publish this, professionally! I plan to read more of poetry collection. When I am through, the Devil will get his due! I invite you to read my poem titled, Let's Make a Deal with the Devil" Keep sharing imagination with your pen. -
Further thoughts.
JohnBird, those damn feet of Christy are still bugging around in my fevered mind. In traditional Catholic theology, earth is evil, heaven is good -- a terrible dichotomy that's still around in the nutball minds of literal, Bible-thumping Christians, especially over here in the South, the bible-belt. It just might be that Christy's feet were too dangerously close to the earth (his love o' the divil) despite the kindness of his soul, that retribution came up from the earth to his feet. I'm probably overdoing it here, too much caffeine this morning. But I do wonder. Your tale sure got to me throughout the night, and isn't that what a good spooky yarn is supposed to do? Ciao.
Lad -
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You have too little to think about!
Ha Ha . Actually there can be no greater compliment than that an artistic creation stays with one. Good films always rattle around my head the next day. If it helps, let me elucidate. Christy was a jovial, mischievous, 'earthy' dwarf of a man. He did odd jobs and decorating (not YOUR kind of decorating!) and he fancied himself with the ladies. He also had ties with the local IRA . He was a loveable rogue.
We actually had the argument described in the poem and I was a little taken aback that I actually had to make that threat to make him back down on his support for 'old Nick'. He died exactly as I described and it's not all that mysterious that his feet were burned as they are the points of 'earth' for the electrical charge. He was otherwise unblemished. My personal 'thoughts' on the issue were that it looked like Christy's 'boss' didn't like being 'denied', though I have to say immediately, I would never have thought of Christy as an 'evil' person. He certainly wasn't a 'thinker' and would have had no artistic slant to his argument.
I think the best we can all do is start behaving ourselves - you in particular as your last poem reveals you as a very naughty boy indeed!
Sweet Dreams - and happy New Year!
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Excellent write, John. I didn't see that ending coming. I agree with Mart-- it is a bit like a country song. A down-and-out fella is an easy target for the man downstairs. The use of "give the Devil his due" as a final line should feel like a cliche, but it doesn't. Johnny Cash should intone it.
The tone, simple language, and the unusual rhyme scheme also contribute to the country quality. I love what you've done with the rhymes, hair/devil-may-care, twinkled/wrinkled, door/poor, etc.
Did you know that country music owed a lot of its beginnings to Irish and Scotch ballads? I saw a documentary on it-- a lot of ballads came to the US with immigrants who settled in Appalachia and the South, and the subject matter and lilting melodies were transformed into a whole new genre.
I'll stop rambling now though, and just leave you with I love this piece. . . now I'm going to go put on some Johnny Cash or Patsy Cline.
-Pie
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If comments could be traded..
..like baseball cards, I reckon yours would be the ones everyone was looking for! Not just for the cool image but because they're pretty rare and always classy! (my agent taught me to butter up the critics like this!- how am I doing?) There seems to a fair amount of agreement that this has country song potential and I suppose it has the requisite doses of pathos, human affliction and morality alright. I was pleased with how it flowed , both onto the page and off it, and I take the kind remarks about it'd potential as a song with gratitude, though I didn't hear it musically myself. It's actually a true story , quite unembellished. But then I'm sure a lot of rather unlikely country songs are too.
Whatever! If it gets a good comment from the Pie - it's good enough for me! Thanks Cutie ! Looking forward to doing more work with you in 2007!
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Ole' Windy chimes big time!
I can see you clearly. Standing front stage. Cowboy hat, jeans, boots and snarl. Guitar slung loose around your neck, spitting out the lyrics to your latest song. A toe tapping, low hummer brought to life in a spoken tone - not sung.
Country and Western. Mark Knopfler would be jealous.
I hope my thoughts don't do your fine poetry a disservice because it's certainly not intended that way and it certainly is fine poem; a narrative too, which had me hooked from start to finish. But it did evoke that imagery to me of you - the author - performing it as a song.
It's got a lovely flow to it, aided by the fact that one wants to know how it all concludes and yet the devil remains the mystery.
You're work, if I may say so, is diversifying more and more; great to see a master branching out into various genres. In my opinion anyway.
I can't help but applaud another fine piece!
Cheers,
Mart
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Incredible story. It reads very smoothly. I especially like where you wrote with an accent. Or maybe it's me with the accent. Anyway, the beginning gets your attention, then it becomes interesting, and finally it is downright fascinating. It could be an episode on The Twilight Zone. You know how the prompts here mention Title/First line/Last line? Here's yours: Give the Devil his due, Christian, give the Devil his due. WOW. I really like this.
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Thanks for a good one!
This was great. A smooth, flowing poem that tells a neat little story that leaves us in thought and reflection. You make the characters come alive for the reader and that is no small task when you write a poem like this. I could feel a certain connection with both men, but especially Christian. No changes or alterations to suggest here... just a very cool poem that I enjoyed immensely!
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hey windover
this reminds me of an old song by The Charlie Daniels Band. oh well i guess its the old good versus evil theme. you keep us guessing with your diversity.
dave. Rewarded 4
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Thanks Dave , you're thinking of 'the devil went down to Georgia' , yeah? I can see that . I don't usually do footnotes but the thing about this one is , I'd never have written it except it's absolutely true , even the dialogue is close. Go figure. Thanks for the comment as always. >W<
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I find I must agree with Lad...
The fact that there's no clear lesson here, that we must "make of it what we like" is a great appeal. The poem is merely the beginning and your writing is great in suggesting that. We're to find it out for ourselves, and you're just there to guide us. And only a little. I liked the 2nd 3rd and 4th stanzas...great description.
N3
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and art is stranger than truth.
John, this tale is told my a master of narrative -- and you know, I think, how much I love narrative poems. Its beginning, middle and end, each with its move-along fashion to the climax, is the core of a good poetic story, even a good poem that is not a traditional story -- but that's another matter for another time.
You tell a fine, tingling yarn here, but you've got me "caught between a rock and a hard place" by saying "make of it what you will." You divil you.
Could Christian have been a bit right? Not that I love the "divil" in any possible traditional sense of love; but could he have seen that "love" is also awe and trembling and stunned admiration for the monstrous? May be. I mean, is it possible that there is something overwhelmingly though darkly attractive -- that which attracts us -- about the utterly horrendous? Well, I just don't know for certain; but I'll give this to Christy: he was either a deeper thinker than anyone thought, or he was an idiot savant, or he was just an idiot.
So that's the main reason I like this poem, Bird. It tells a dark and spooky tale just right, but it leaves the meaning, the wrap-up, up to us. Nice touch, very nice. No need to worry: I do give the devil his due alright; and maybe that lightening strike was God's after all. Or just a coincidence. Now why does this well-told tale have me in intellectual splinters, Bird? If I can't sleep tonight, it'll be your fault...
Love the poem, love the story, love the you-figure-it-out ending!
Lad
. Rewarded 4
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Thanks for this Lad
Your praise is praise indeed and I'll take any that's going! What Christy meant exactly will never be known. I cant say I 'contrived the ambiguity here, I more inherited it. Whatever you think may have happened, it's pretty unfair to walk around in everyone else's shadow all your life and be struck by lightning! And why was it his FEET that fried? Cue 'The Outer Limits ' music! -
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Yes, that's right, those FEET!
Maybe, just perhaps, it was the feet because Christy, being a simple but wise soul, truly had his feet on the ground? Now, John, if that's not a follow-up poem for ya, I don't know what is!
Lad
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