Our Father, who art in heaven
I know you’re working
but couldn’t you spend more time at home
we miss you
and Mother finds it difficult
down here on her own all the time
you should talk to her more
she has communication skills
(now don’t get all high and mighty about this)
you lack sometimes
Hallowed be thy name
or, like the brothers say
‘respect!’
Yo de Man!
sorry I forget that most of the time
until the shit
hits
and I come running
looking for same-day service on my soul
no damn aetheists in foxholes
Thy kingdom come
though the latest polls
don’t show you sitting too pretty
I’m sure with a good campaign
and maybe some more budget
we can get this movement
moving again
if it was just about me
you know I’d canvas for you Man
but it’s not PC
Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven
aspirational – right?
coz jesus! man – this place aint there
by a damn sight
truth be told
I think the powers-that-be sold out
to Old Nick
and they’re tight.
Doing it your way doesn’t seem to get me anywhere
still
I’ll try and fight the good fight
Give us each day our daily bread
now I know you said look at the birds of the air
and how they don’t worry and still get by
and I swear, I try to just get on with things
but if I didn’t worry I might just let things slide
and then where would I be?
bread don’t grow on trees
And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us
I love the sound of it
not only does it make horse sense
– you can’t get round it-
it has assonance
I love it when you do poetry
And lead us not into temptation
it being the one thing we can’t resist
joking aside
I could use some assist with this one
most days
coz if my salvation depends on my batting average
there’s pretty much no doubt
I’m out
too much fun to hit home runs
But deliver us from evil
how come you went with that reverse-spelling thing here?
I thought that back-chat belonged to the man downstairs
I keep saying this prayer
but sometimes I don’t think either of you care
and I’m just nowhere
should have delivered me SDS
I guess
For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory
that’s a hard story to sell these days
people want proof
life’s hard and your ways seem aloof
I want to believe it but I so often fail
that I wonder what’s the point
I want to get into Heaven
but I bet there’s bouncers on the joint
like everywhere else that’s ‘in’
sorry son – no sinners
forever and ever – hey Man! – you listenin’?
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Impertinent, facetious and..........
bloody marvelous!
This is wicked in the nicest possible way, sending up the whole reverence of prayer and turning it inside out by real examination of messages within and conveyed through 21st century caustic humour. I'll wager this took some time to write yet it reads like it flowed straight from thought to type - it's so smooth aided by wonderful Windhoverian rhymes - some apparent to the eye and others hidden away, only to be revealed when read aloud.
The poem has to read as a whole and to dissect it misses the point; each line of the Lord's Prayer having been carefully removed from the comfort of it's natural place and dropped into a modern day diatribe. But forgive me, I will sin and pluck my favourite stanza:
"But deliver us from evil
how come you went with that reverse-spelling thing here?
I thought that back-chat belonged to the man downstairs
I keep saying this prayer
but sometimes I don’t think either of you care
and I’m just nowhere
should have delivered me SDS
I guess"
It has a wonderful play on words, clever observation and cutting wit. There's also almost pathos there - self-doubt "I'm just nowhere" - yes, how often we can feel that way given the apparent broken promises of prayer.
Great job - again!
Mart
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..thanks for the comment mate. I thought this one might be up your street. Hopefully I didn't lose the balance on the old irreverence thing.
It was actually meant to be quite a reflective piece - I hope it is - but it picked up some 'attitude' along the way. I think I've been listening to too much rap music! Thanks for the comment again mate! >W< -
hey Mart..
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I'm going to be saying this...
...at church this Sunday. It is not only totally extremely brutally honest, it's teasing and sarcastic. And it has so much reverence coupled with so much irreverence that it's hard to get over it. Now, if God heard a prayer like this, delivered with such class and suavity and utter sincerity, I think he'd immediately damn all imposters such as myself to hell and beyond. It's courageous and truthful. I love it WH. It is INDEED the gospel according to yourself.
Nienna
PS I love that you found the assonance in the prayer, pure genious, now I'm going to be DOUBLE distracted as I recite it ever-so-piously for my priest...*evil cackle* -
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Peace be with you my child...
...Hi Nienna, I'm so sorry, I don't know how I missed this comment you left me. Having just read it I have to tell you that I think you 'got' this one just about as well as I could have hoped anybody would. I'm particularly pleased that you understood there is a lot of sincerity mixed in with the irreverence ( irreverence is always a very healthy thing I think). And it kind of IS the gospel according to myself. I was always an a-la-carte believer! But I do believe it's important to believe. If you can believe that. Thanks again for the comment. It was fun doing this. >W< -
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And also with you my teacher
Quite alright, I figure you're a rather busy guy, overlooking a comment is not the end of the world! Well, I'm glad I found that reverence, I think if comes from the fact that I'm pretty much the same...I believe, but I am a skeptic where it's called for. I think it's important as well. I was sick last sunday, but I'll be saying it at church this sunday...I can promise.
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Wow, I've never seen a poem this long that actually manages to grip my attention throughout. And it's very well done as well! A healthy dose of humour keeps it flowing throughout, and the 'informal' words/style you use sometimes, ('coz') keeps the poem light: it's sometimes hard to keep religious poems light and airy.
There are so many good parts in here, but to pick two randomly I'd like to mention:
And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us
I love the sound of it
not only does it make horse sense
– you can’t get round it-
it has assonance
I love it when you do poetry
Great writing here, especially the way you keep the rhythm flowing!
And of course, the last line:
forever and ever – hey Man! – you listenin’?
Perfect way to end this poem!
Love it,
nish&81&
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Sincere thanks..
.. for taking the time here Nish and for liking what might become one of my own favourites. Particularly pleased you liked the closing line which just 'came' to me like a gift and which I'm secretly rather proud of ! I will try to return the favor a.s.a.p. >W<
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My kind of prayer
This poem shows how so many poeple are feeling about religon. Everytime a Presit screws up a person tends to waver in there belief even if just a little. You bring this pray to the everyday person. My favorite part the end, I like the image of angle bouncers.I think this is my favorite of your poems.
-Red- -
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Thanks Red
I reckon too many of us threw the baby out with the bath water and just because we lost faith in religion (which is just the politicization of spirituality as far as I'm concerned) we discarded our 'faith' full stop. That's far worse than the costs already inflicted on us by a small corrupt minority of ecclesiastics. We should think for ourselves about this stuff. It's not 'gospel' - but it's not unimportant. Thanks for taking the time to consider. >W<
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The prayer of an honest man...
...the kind of man Archimedes of old spent his lifetime looking for with a lantern in the night. This poem, Bird, is a lantern that just might be the best replacement of King James' lovely but dated language and feel. A fine, fine work for my reading and thinking. I mean, the poet is THINKING as he prays - a rarity indeed.
I love the "-ight" rhymes in the fourth stanza (although, perhaps? "tight," which seems a bit forced, might be "blighted" or something more apt).
Most pointed for me: "I want to believe it but I so often fail / that I wonder what's the point..." I like its humility of doubt - doubt, I think, is one of the two essences of faith. The other is courage.
Your new translation-for-the-common-man ought to be printed up and distributed world-wide, especially to all smug-assed, fake believers who are, I believe, God's fiercest, most subtle enemies. Love this poem, Bird!!
Lad
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The Gospel according to St.Windhover..
..it has a ring on the rein of a wimpling wing to it! and I'm sure the Jesuits would approve! Ha ha! Thank you for the kind comment lad, I'm sure you know it was actually quite light-hearted (although much of the reflection in it would be how I really feel) I realize the 'ight' rhymes are pretty strident but I had rappers in my head for that stanza and they hung around for much of the poem - especially the last line where 'amen' just wouldn't sit on the page and ma men took centre stage, old age dont make you sage just impressionable...sorry! Thankss for liking this one my friend - I think I like it too. >W<
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Oh, John. I'm a sucker for some good, feisty irreverence. This one had me smiling and nodding the whole way through!
I've seen some other pieces, not necessarily poetical, done around the Lord's Prayer before, but the tone of this piece certainly sets this apart from the others. You approach the subject in an almost round-about way, with wit, humor and grace. The feminist in me thrilled to the first stanza, that you not only included a plea on behalf of women, but that you made us first! Way to reel in the ladies!
I love the lapses into slang-- it really lends the Every Man voice to the piece. I've always been in favor of the idea that one doesn't need a priest for intercession, but can address the Big Guy directly.
I particularly loved lines 43-48-- you address a big beef I have with Christianity. I don't approve of the glorification of passivity and poverty.
I also loved line 54-- hee hee!
The last 10 lines were great as well. I like how you threw in that little line, it really emphasized the theme of the poem-- IS He up there? DOES He listen?
Cheers,
Pie
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Amen Sister!..
..now if you'd just send your contribution to...Ha ha! Don't really know what brought this on exactly but thanks for reading and commenting on it. As soon as I wrote 'respect' I began to hear rap tones and no doubt that's where the irreverance comes from. Otherwise it's pretty much what I think. The nod to feminism is more of a nod to femininity and Mother Earth - I just reckon if the Big Fella is a bloke it's no wonder he fails to communicate as we might like him to!
The last word was going to be just the original 'Amen' - but the rappers butted in and made it 'hey, Man!'. My inner voices are black. I have subliminal feminist leanings and I'm a blasphemer. I'd better be a good pray-er!
Always great to hear from you. Thanks again. >W<
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