I like working with my hands
it leaves my mind to play
its own devices
and there's creativity
creating
simple joy
of making
thrust and slice
of saw
tight fit of timber
my grip firm
and sure
my mind
limber
a right-angle can be poetry
a rough cabinet
an essay.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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May "lol" and "haha" be confined to the fires of hell!
along with smiley faces! I don't need those things, Bird, when we talk. I know the bend of your humor and love it! Wish I had it. I hope you'll be CONFIDENT enough to say whatever you want to say without worry; I'll catch it as you wing it - I'd like it that way, my poetic friend of friends.
Speaking of confidence, you really ought to know that you've got it like a handful of Aces - I refer to "Work". Your revisions are the result of the labor not of a craftsman, but of an artist. The poem now GLOWS with the happy tones of loved work. The tightened lines and that magnificent third stanza are POETRY! I just read it over three times to savor it.
Now, no more of this woe-no-confidence shit.
Lad -
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Amen
Sure how could I not be confident with such a cronie as yer good self to consort with. Thank you for encouragement and the kick up the arse both my friend!
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Hey John, I'm going to be egotistical and think of this poem as the male counterpart to "Good Bread." The brevity, the short structure, and the subject matter make them great companion pieces.
"Thrust and slice," like "kneading and folding," can be sly entendre.
I love the last 3 lines. Brilliant.
. Rewarded 4
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just fine
i think you found a vien of poetry exploring such topics as work and confidence, which is a good thing. writers should explore. you remind us to that part of the creative process, to enchance it is doing something with your hands.
maybe I'll go make a "bird house"
dave. Rewarded 4
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Good Luck!
I tried building a bird house once but couldn't get any birds to live in it, even though I left nylons and chocolates out every morning. Thanks for the comment as always Dave.
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Two things...
Two things really stand out to me in this poem. One, the structure and rhythm of the poem seem to simulate the work environment for me. Busy, multi-tasking, short hits on each task while looking to the next... it had the feel of person actively doing work while it was written and that was kinda neat. Furthermore, I loved the ending. It is a good poem on the whole, but that ending is the jewel in this piece... in my opinion. A really cool link between the manual labor and the written work... nice job!
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Re-'work'ed
Word and work are natural typos for each other. I mentioned that I'd just noticed that to 'Lad' - and then I see you succumbed to it in your comment (I think). Anyway, I digress. Thanks for the great comment which I have more than taken on-board. I changed the poem as per your own and Lad's suggestions and I now feel it has a strong 'sawing' rhythm which I like a lot. Maybe you'd see what you think. Thanks again for the great comment. >W<
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short and sweet
Maybe not short from the line count, but when read it is a short poem. And with its shortness, it delivers a sharp message.
I like how your first two stanzas were connected as well - despite the line break between them, the very fact that they dealt with a linked thought brought them together.
I also saw some irony in that you're using a poem, (a work of the mind) to describe work of the hands - maybe it's just me.
Good job though - I liked its impact.
nish{81}
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Thanks Nish
Glad you liked it and that you picked up on the 'flip-side' of the poetry suggesting the work. I thought it up while I was using a saw. Thanks for noticing. >W<
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Beautiful
This poem brings me back to my Tech days. I really like this poem it speaks to my past and my heart. -
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My Dear Terry..
..how nice to see your face in my place. How are you? you certainly caught what this one was all about and I so enjoyed your comment and sharing. I work in a bike shop as I may have told you and I'm sure a large part of the appeal of the work is being able to 'switch off' and daydream during my working day and still get the work done. The fact that word and work are natural typos for each other must be serendipitous.
I re-worked the poems on foot of some suggestions and I believe it has a stronger rhythm of work now. See what you think. Anyway, great to hear from you and thanks for commenting. John. -
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Thanks John
Truly I miss this place but work interferes. I have begun to feel like a stranger.
Worry about a young friend in hospital has been up front lately, serious worry. Much of the webwork I do is mindless, just fine for wandering minds. Lately, it is creative, new stuff, and demands full attention, but there is a nice feeling of satisfaction at how it's going. Crazy long days. Even at 2:25 AM, it is good to be back, but ready to pack it in.
Keep well!
Terry
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Thanks Red
Cant imagine you in overalls with a powertool in hand but that may just be good ol' sexism on my part! Glad you liked this one. I incorporated some suggestions about it. Would you read it again and tell me if you can 'hear' a saw in it now? Thanks as always. >W< -
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I can
Now I feel like I should be rocking with a hand saw as I'm reading it. Not that I use those often I perfer a chop saw. I can 'hear' said saw when reading it. -
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Thanks so much for taking the trouble Red. Now I can say a poem of mine 'rocked' somebody! Thanks again! >W<
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Right!
Hello John,
The first three lines captured me.
So much of what I did, the knitted sweaters, the pairs of warm woolly socks I made for all over the years, so well needed in a cold winter climate, fall into the same category. It was not just the need being filled by the product, but liberating the mind to roam while appearing to be fully occupied, safe from apparent indolence.
The act of thinking looks too much like sleeping with eyes open even though immense issues and wondrous acts of creativity happen. That later the thoughts bear fruit --or don't, for who would know?-- is not the point, for the potential was there.
In fifteen words you said as much.
From the second verse onward, it parallels sweaters that still exist to this day, the shag rugs and crocheted afghans, made with invention all the way, the large wall-hanging I designed and over many months, made, which still hangs on my living room wall.
Your cabinet, my hand-crafts.
If all the freewheeling thoughts of those years of busy hands could have been somehow recorded what a wealth there would have been!
Now, I must not appear indolent. . . .
Thoroughly enjoyed your poem!
Terry
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Now I read the Bird I've seen...
...the poet. Plain, gentle, wisely confident. I can smell the wood here and feel the sureness. Love this one.
Some thoughts to perhaps tighten up the cabinetry:
maybe try to-
remove 'and to' in the 1st stanza?;
remove 'in' in the 2nd stanza?;
in the 3rd stanza perhaps remove 'the' before 'simple' and 'and' before 'sure'?
And in the 4th stanza: maybe: 'right-angles can be poetry
rough cabinets
essays.'
I sense those briefer dictions there: the carpenter making things fit with a minimum of labor. But sometimes, as you know, my 'sense' is 'non-'. Up to you entirely!
That last stanza, with its rich "rough" is a beauty, even if you choose to leave it as is. "Rough" is the perfect word making the perfect image! All in all, I like the simple humility of this one.
Lad
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Re-'work'ed
I just realized work and word are natural typos for each other. Anyway. Since I hav chosen not to hang myself in the toolshed, I thought I'd have a look at this one as you suggested. And in recognition of your input, magnanimity, good looks and general benevolence, I would instal your suggestions. As I did so, I noticed a rhythm, already pointed out by Mark McNulty, begin to surface. I pushed the edits a little further and I do believe what is now the third stanza has the feel and rhythm of a saw. I love it! Have another look and see what you think.
One of the problems with 'writing (I refer to these 'comment' -type contacts particularly here) is that, 'lol's and 'ha-ha's aside (which I find irksome to write) it's hard to let someone know when you're joking. But you'd better say something nice about my edits or I'm never speaking to you again! (LOL ! Ha Ha!)
Seriously though, Lad these suggestions were right on the money - as were the remarks about 'Confidence'. Thank you as always! John.
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