early morning quiet of kitchen
solitude
wall clock beating small
and comforting
thoughts come ticking slow
how they
drip
drip
drip
in a kitchen sinking
oblong white and empty sheet
like a slice of bread
stares back at me
waiting to be processed
in my head
I put the thought in
ages ago
but this processor is so slow
Damned toaster.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Nice,
A great description of an old kitchen and coffee maker. Sometimes that same description works well for how I am on Monday mornings.
Bill
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Nice - a slice of poetic life...
...plunked in the oh-so-slow toaster of the mindheart. More than cute, JohnBird, this little one captures that "kitchen morning" of dripping coffee and thoughts that have yet to merge into a fullness - and the pages, like bread, wait. I like the soft acceptance of how agonizingly slow the "damned toaster" works, especially in the hazy morning.
It's possible that the metaphor of pages and bread might be made a bit stronger, if you'll allow it. You may want to keep it simple, as you have it now, or consider:
"...oblong white and empty sheet (I've removed the comma)
like a slice of bread
stares back at me
awaiting the heat of life
in my head..."
That rendering would hint at "slice of life" and might also replace "processed," which seems a bit too blandly technical a word. There'd also be a nice rhyme with "sheet" and "heat." Ay-oop, me Bird, those are just my vagrant thoughts on an already sweet poem. Up to your own poetic sense, of course.
Good poem!
Lad
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Message to the bread knife
Sharp and to the point Lad. I took what you said on board and I reckon 'slice of bread' is really the way to go. I stuck with 'process' though, the likening of supposedly complex issues like thought processing being likened to a simple toaster appealing to my simple tastes! Thanks for the input as always and glad you liked this one. >W<
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I am drawing a blank
It is really hard to desern what your subject is about, I am getting images of offices, and toasters and bread...this makes me hungry, but I think there really could be potential.
-blackbirdhunter -
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A toast !
which is to say 'cheers!'. I get up early most mornings and write for that very reason. Morning Pages are a great way of tapping into the subconscious and it often amazes me what appears on the page. Usually I'm free-associating but that morning I was kinda wrestling with a poem I wanted to write about the peace of the kitchen at that early hour. Then the toaster popped. It was a nice little moment of inspiration that made the poem turn what I hope was an interesting corner. Thanks for reading and commenting. >W< -
Thought processes
Hi B. and thanks for reading and commenting. I was itting in my kitchen trying to come up with a poem about that peaceful feeling when you have the breakfast table to yourself. Nothing was really happening till the toaster popped. Then I thought a slice of white bread is like an empty page.And when it's toasted it's maybe like it has a poem written on it to make it more interesting and appealing. I made some small changes which perhaps make that clearer so I hope it works better now. Thanks again. >W< -
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it took me a moment to fully get the feel for it, but I think I was having a slow day that day, plus depression doesnt make for good things. but I am great now, my problems are fixed. but all in all, I can not despute the fact that this poem has
poetintial...hehe. I think I made a mistake.lol..
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clever
when you wake up in the morning you stagger into the kitchen not fully awake, still a little dreamy. And in dreams we incorporate elements of our waking life. so naturally in the early morn kitchen appliances permeate into our sub-conscience state. your poem does a great job of grafting the sub-conscience and conscious.
dave
btw-money@pronet.net -
Cute. Though I must say, your "toaster" seems to be running any way BUT slow.
I like the experimentation with form. It was a nice visual compliment to the subject, especially the dripping sink.
Anyway, I was just about to go make myself breakfast. . . I suppose you can guess what that is.
Cheers,
Lauren
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Would it be...toast?
Hi Cutipie. Actually if you read this carefully you'lll see how slow it came and hopefully pick up the rhythms of the early morning kitchen. I was really just messing about and I was really trying to just SQUEEZE something - anything - out. Then the toaster popped. It was a little 'moment' . Hope it gave you a little smile. xx J.
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