take me somewhere dark and dirty
where the rest of the world doesn’t want to be
and isn’t
we’ve
been talking forever
so can we shut the fuck up
put your dignity
in your designer handbag
and get your back to the wall
feel the cold unyielding hard
of damp brick
and listen to the tomcats call
lets hide among the trash
and the squalor that yesterday
was stuff to buy
and try to do something
less sordid
such a nice dress
okay I’m impressed
now let’s get your buttons undone
and your hemline
hitched
be my bitch and I’ll be your slave
let’s misbehave
let’s steal something
let’s feel something
real
show me the shady side
of that lady you try so hard
to keep
together
all day every day
the one who gets paid
to be so polite
are these panties too tight?
the one whose job is to
yes, sir, may I help you
and have a nice day
is going to get laid tonight
standing up with her knickers down
because she wants something more
than designer sheets
I’ll pay
if it makes you
feel less like a whore
what do you say?
let’s get half naked
in full view of the world
and make it
go away
Author notes
Inspired by The Shorty's 'Death to the love poems'
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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This poem is very powerful and it does actually make me want to have sex in an alleyway! There's something both sensual and harsh in the tone. Of being empowered and overpowered. The key for my interpretation of this poem lies in the lines:
let’s misbehave
let’s steal something
let’s feel something
real
The key words here being 'feel' and 'real'. It's the idea of doing something that money cannot buy unlike the designer handbag or designer sheets. Material things which will end up eventually as trash, discarded.
. Rewarded 8
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you whore
hey windover you make sex in an alley way sound a lot hotter than sex in a hotel room. i think your getting at somthing deeper here though, like letting go of pretensions. another pearl on your string of gems.
dave -
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Glad you got it
Hey Dave, thanks for getting this one and for the compliment about it being sexy. Mission accomplished for me!
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HAWT
Just kidding with the verdict, although the literary temperature of this poem is pretty scalding. haha. I love how you took a subject that could easily be written in a flimsy and trashy way, and made it a strong piece of art. The last stanza just ties it all together and its well...great. That's all I can say. It's great. -
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Very Flattered
Hi P. Thanks for the strong positive comment and your suggestion that this transcends smut to become art is as much as I could possibly have hoped for. It's a hard line to walk so I'm flattered you think I managed it. Thanks again. >W<
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no limitations with this poem
Such a lusty poem, it has set my teenage hormones aflame. Lol. But what your poem does is stay a poem while being lusty at the same time - and it's a pretty good poem. Many fresh ideas that you've written into it keep the poem flowing at all times: there wasn't, (at least for me) any noticeable 'pause' in the poem.
In the third stanza, the contrast of the 'designer handbag' to to 'tomcats call' and 'trash' provoked some thinking about society, that no matter how much we cover ourselves in clean and 'dignified' items, are we trash at heart? (not the most pleasing thought...)
I also liked the repetition in the lines
"let’s misbehave
let’s steal something
let’s feel something"
These lines brought me exhilaration, a sense of wildness and freedom, which to me is what the poem is about when you get below the sex.
In fact, I think I'll send this poem to one of my friends. lol.
A great poem, which I'll keep earmarked. Keep up the good writing!
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Thanks Nish
I'm so glad you not only enjoyed this one and found it a little exciting but also that you perceived the social comment at its heart. There could be no greater compliment than that you would show it to your friends (parental guidance assumed!) I'd love to hear what a someone outside of the poetic community would think of it. Sincere thanks. >W< -
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In that case, I'll have to show you how my friend replied:
"wow, thats like, wow awesome
and its perfect, i love it and for some unknown reason i feel like i can relate to it.
who wrote it??? wow thats such a great poem!"
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Cool!
To use a vernacular! Nish, thank you so much for passing this on to me. It is all the more gratifying since it clearly comes from a generation separated several times from my own. It makes me glad I decided to take a chance on this one. I truly appreciate the feedback (from both you and your young friend). Thanks again. >W<
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No holds barred
John, to further some of the Freudian imagery that's being tossed around so liberally around here these days, you really let us have it with both barrels with this one! Would you still respect me in the morning if I said it left me wanting more?
Favorite lines:
"get your back to the wall"-- Yes, sir!
"now let’s get your buttons undone
and your hemline
hitched
be my bitch and I’ll be your slave
let’s misbehave
let’s steal something
let’s feel something
real"
For me, this was the crux of the poem-- this sordid, dirty, delicious misbehavior. The nastier the dalliance, more thrilling the tryst.
I find the reference to "tight panties" as a metaphor for button-downed (re: acceptable) social behavior to be very
original and sharp, not to mention in-your-face. That's one that'll stick with the reader for some time.
Technically, I can find nothing wrong with this piece, a bodice ripper for the XY set. The first word that came to mind when I read this was "subversive." I love how this poem mocks ladylike affectations, how it unapologetically puts the male in command of the sexual situation. In romance novels that are written by/targeted for a female audience, the woman is often ravaged by a domineering male. I see no reason why men can't indulge in the same fantasy.
Though I love how you even turn this idea on its ear, with "I'll be your slave if you be my bitch." Great blurring of the dominant/submissive dynamic.
And "I'll pay if it makes you feel less like a whore" line also plays with our notions of sex and power.
And the final lines take what would be a very well-written piece of smut and make it social commentary that extends beyond sex. In a word, brilliant.
XXX, (indeed),
Lauren
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Knew this would be up your street..
..(just couldn't bring myself to write 'alley' there!) In truth the daring of this one pushes new boundaries for me and if the notion of it was inspired somewhat inadvertently by 'the Shorty' , it could probably not have been written - I'd go so far as to say could DEFINITELY not have been written without my continued interaction with you and others here at Sharepo - but you in pariticular. I'm glad you found it sexy, it's intended to be, but I'm even more glad you noticed it is the piece of social commentary that 'The Shorty's ' poem inspired. People's lives get sordid in much worse ways than a good honest shag among the trash cans where at least the motivation and results are , however indecently, decent.
I enjoyed writing it and your comment is a great result for me. >W<
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The hard-on poem of the year...
...and now I know JohnBird is back full front as a "tiger, tiger burning bright, in the alleys of the night." Nifty.
"listen to the tomcats call"
"try to do something less sordid"
"be my bitch" - I'm reporting you to the Cardinal of Dublin for that cunty crack
"I'll pay......less like a whore"
Jaysus, Mary and Joseph! and they talk about gay men's promiscuous dreams! we're pikers compared............
Neat all the way, Bird.
The second line might be tighter as:
"where most nice people won't go
and don't"
and line 5 might be juiced up a bit with:
"so can we shut the fuck up?"
But those are quibbles. When the other side of Bird shows up, I like it. Long live the lusty poem.
Lad
. Rewarded 8
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That's what I call a result!
'The hard-on poem of the year'? Goddammit it's POLITICAL! Ha Ha! Lad I'm so glad you picked out the 'less sordid' and ' pay..less like a whore' lines for they were the essence of the poem for me. In case you missed my footer or haven't seen 'the shorty' this one was inspired by a poet so young she won't be allowed to read this here! Check her out.
I installed half your suggestions, but there's no room for polite in this one I'm afraid. I should also blame HG in no small measure for putting me up to it. But I like to see my claws every now and then - we windhovers don't hang about all day just to admire the view you know!
Thanks for the great comment as alwaysand thanks for liking this one. I like it myself. >W< -
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Bird, what the hell is happening these days...
...when a simple hard-on throbbing after an oppressed working girl, trying to seduce her into a willing alleycat, is something political? Ha! Sometimes, as crazy old Freud aptly noted, a cigar is just a cigar.
Well, political or not, I still like the bloody smutty poem - morning's minion shape-shifted into a thieving (politically incorrect) magpie.
Lad
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Love it
This poem is great so brutal and true. Getting away from all the pretenses of society. Discarding your image if even for just a moment. I really like this one alot I think it's my favorite of your poems so far.
-REd-
. Rewarded 4
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My Image?...
..or 'one's image'? Hope I haven't bent some sort of halo ! Then again....
Thanks for the comment Red. I'm paricularly pleased you'd put it up there with my best. hugs >W<
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OGODS....*eyes wide open* harsh cruel, but absolutely amazing.
-blackbirdhunter -
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Thanks for your response..
..it works very well for me on this one. My Best >W< -
Cheers My Toasted Friend
Glad you 'dug' it. On which note you might be amused by a recent rhyme of mine called 'skullduggery'. Thanks for the comment. .W,
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well
the second i began reading...I simply could not stop.
dark, explicit, and rythmic. Do i dig? Oh i sure as hell do
. Rewarded 4
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Hi
Very direct – and very good.
Great style. I like it immensely, however the progression of the protagonist’s acts through out the poem seems a bit off.
I’m not sure if this is a proposition or a current situation – based on the latter I’d say:
I struggle to correlate a down and dirty lustful act with L7, ‘quiet’
L12 ‘smooth’ isn’t required, it also seems at odds with a brick and the lustful scene.
In the third stanza the last four lines take me beyond the point of the first few lines of stanza 4, I think they’d make a good close to the poem.
I’m not sure exactly what S5 adds. I don’t see anything new or of added value here.
Then in the end your asking her now if she wants to get naked? L22-25 already seemed to take us there.
Great poem, just needs a little clarification (at least to me, but then again I’m reading amidst work deadlines so apologies if I missed the mark!)
Rgds
hobby
. Rewarded 8
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Thanks Hobby
Thanks as always for your savvy and direct comment Hobby. I've taken what I could on board, and even though I couldn't relocate the last 4 lines of stanza 3 without totally dismantling the poem, I'm gratified that you thought them punchy enough to end what I consider to be one of my stronger poems. Stanza 5 simply makes the point that screwing in public is a paradoxically private experience, echoing the thought I hoped to express throughout the poem, that sometimes really bad behaviour is a great deal less squalid than apparently 'good' behaviour. Always like to hear your take on my work. Thanks as always. >W< -
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Enjoyed this re-read as much as I did the first, good revisions.
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A great compliment
I don't believe I've ever had a 'follow-up' comment of this kind and I'm hugely pleased by it, Hobby. I've long regarded the number of RETURN visits to a poem as the best indicator of its worth. This one had more than its fair share, and has shown me,once again, the value of taking some risks with my writing. It makes me feel like going off and writing something daring again. Sincere thanks. >W<
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