on a D-Day beach
we pondered which restaurant
but could not agree
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Hey,
Conflicts with enemies past and conflicts with allies present.
Very nice Haiku
Bill
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Hi,
This is good as is, I see also an opportunity to bring it more into the folds of senryu (which of course is not a requirement) by adding irony of content vs form, if the first line were to relate to a 'pearly beach'. In either case this captures the distance at which most of us live.
Rgds
hobby
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Thanks Hobby
I flirt with haiku sometimes though I don't really know what I'm at. Here though, the fact that it was a D-DAY beach is absolutely central to the poem and I can't understand why you'd suggest 'pearly beach' as a viable alternative. Is it possible that like Nish, you don't know what a D-Day beach is? I sometimes forget how old I am! -
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At times I am perhaps a touch too obscure. I was hinting at the irony between the Japanese form and another tragic wartime event - Pearl Harbour.
Age.. whats that saying? for a flower you are old, for a mountain you are young but for a man you are just right! -
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Brilliant..
..on both counts! Alas the 'pearly' reference was to smart for this ol' bird (and most intellects I'd venture - doesn't stop it being brilliant though!). There's only so much you can squeeze out of 17syllables! As for the diplomatic handling of my age - be sure it will be regurgitated at every opportunity !
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so open-ended
this could be anything. the poem in this case is truly what the reader makes of it; from eye to eye it transforms itself. a great accomplishment in a piece of writing.
to me, this is achieved particularly by 'D-Day beach' - after all, what exactly is a D-Day beach? it's not an official term or anything, it is only what the reader makes of it. everyone will have their own idea of a D-Day beach.
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Actually...
..a D-Day beach is a very definite term, Nish. A few days ago I was standing in a World War 2 cemetery where 20,000 American troops were buried, just above 'OMAHA' beach where they fell on D- Day 1944 (You may have seen 'Saving Private Ryan') I was with an educational trip and the kids (and some of the adults) were more interested in where and what we'd be eating that day than the history or significance of the place. It seemed a pretty huge sacrifice for those men to have made so we could choose between Mc Donalds and Burger King. Hope this little haiku got something of that across. Thanks for the comment. >W<
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Loaded with implications.
JohnBird, I think it doesn't matter at all that it's "technically" not a haiku, which requires a nature or seasonal theme. Nor is it a senryu which traditionally needs comedy. My thought is that a poet can do anything he/she wants with old forms, and letting them be labeled anything they wish. Wallace Stevens: "If I want a tiger to be green, it's green."
The poem: this little thing is a marvel of compacted thought - an echo, a pleasant minor conflict on a beach of thousands of ghosts and massive war. But, for me, it also has a sense of ordinary peaceful chatting on soil saved - a heritage to be treasured. Nice.
Lad
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You learn something every day
Never knew haikus had to be about nature or seasons. Don't believe I ever used either as a theme! 'Compact' was what I was going for, and the contrast between the petty squabble and the huge sacrifice which allowed us to have it - with some irony about WHERE we were having it. Haiku seemed the perfect form. Now I'm not so sure ! Great comment as always. >W< -
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Be sure, Bird.
"Haiku" is, among poets anyway, a commonly accepted and understood form, and I've used it myself to call attention to the syllable count which otherwise might be missed. Whether or not a compacted poem is obedient to haiku's old rules is irrelevant; poets are the freest of all artists to do, skillfully, whatever they damn well please, and screw the purists. A rose by any other name... Besides, the Japanese haiku can't possibly be used in English anyway; the syllabic sounds of each language are different. So, haiku as you like-u.
Lad
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