The life-giving rains had frequented the plains
Where the river ran wide and ran deep
And on each of its banks two large herds gave bored thanks
For its bounty, their grass and their keep.
Each herd eyed the other, a little bewildered
That’s how Be-wilderbeest got their name.
‘Who do they think they are?’ Asked the ones over there
And the ones over here said the same
‘What are they called?’ bewilderbeest calf asked its mother
‘Why,they’re males!’ the calf’s mother replied.
What are we? , daughter asked, ‘ coz we look just like them’
Why we’re females of course! , Mother sighed
It’s time that I got the bewilderbeest talking
The Lord in his Heaven decreed
Their drifting apart is a weight on my heart
And they’ll disappear if they don’t breed.
As is wont with The Man, he came up with a plan
That was simple but cunningly clever
He would show them a sight that would give them a fright
So the herds would soon huddle together.
Soon a lion as large as the side of a barge
Had appeared on the side of the river
The bewilderbeest saw, and considered with awe,
The dark gift that The Lord had delivered
As the lion drew near, many did shrink in fear
But a few stood their ground and did not.
Without terror or fuss, they thought ‘He’s dangerous.
And that’s sexy. Yeah baby! He’s hot!’
As the lion gave chase to the most hopeless case
All the healthier prey became jealous
‘What does he see in her? That gets under my fur!
What has she got that we’ve not? Please, tell us!’
Soon bewilderbeest brawled about who had first call
On the new boy who called himself ‘Lion’.
The bewilderbeest males with a swish of their tales
Said , ‘we’re off. There’s just no point in tryin’
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Hey, John. Like Dave, I got a bit of Kipling out of this one as well. I also agree that this would make a terrific children's piece with some lovely illustrations-- it's funny and mild and just a pleasure to read.
Lauren
. Rewarded 4
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I read or heard somewhere...
...that the wildebeest is the dumbest animal on the planet. So, reading this is a comical pleasure, JohnBird - light and quirky - and the old-school rhyme and meter scheme is a treat, perfect form for the tale. You've an imagination that's ever a joy to see put into verse.
And oh that smart lion, just lyin' in wait, bidin' his time, then rushin' fast at those mush-headed gals, while the even dumber males just swished their tails!! Sounds like any Saturday night at any bar in the world...
Lines 3 and 9 seem a bit overloaded with syllables.
"junior" might be "daughter" for clarity.
Line 22 could make the situation clearer if the line were: "Appeared on the ladies' (or, females') side of the river..." ??
Last line: "tails" for "tales" ??
But those are pedantic quibbles; the poem is a delightfully droll and old-fashioned romp. Fun.
Lad. Rewarded 8
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Thanks Lad
Thanks Lad
Glad you picked up on the relevance of the disco. This one was inspired by a light-hearte radio discussion on the war of the sexes, particularly the suggestion that 'nice guys' never get laid/ always get dumped. I know the syllable count is compressed sometimes but it can be made to work and if I start re-jigging it I'm afraid it will fall apart. I find I have to work harder at these than I'd ideally like to just for the laugh they're trying to get. So again, it's nice you picked up on the little bit of street philosophy going on as well. Thanks again. >W<
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hey windover
kind of cute isn't this like a Rudyard Kipling thing? i could see it with illlustrations for a childrens book. one suggestion, and it could be a transatlantic differece over junior while being the youngster (line 12) also implies Male, so that threw me off, so maybe you could say youngster just for clarity.
dave. Rewarded 6
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Thanks Dave
Never read any of Kipling's stuff so I don't know. The main thing I was going for was a laugh. Some DJ suggested the sexes were like two herds of wildebeest eyeing each other in complete non-comprehension and the idea really tickled me. I installed a change as per your suggestion. Thanks again. >W<
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