He was a monster by any standards
the bumble bee that flew into the small workshop
where me and my son had been working that day.
Danny never liked anything that buzzes and flies.
Things with wings and stings are just a no-no.
The bee would have to go.
I was trying to distract him as I looked for a jam-jar.
“They can’t fly you know.”
“Wha’ ?”
“Bumble-bees – they can’t fly.
And they won’t hurt you.
Quite apart from their general lack of hostility,
they are, or so I’m told,
an aerodynamic impossibility”
I could see Danny wasn’t impressed.
Anxious and stressed, his eyes tracked the weaving intruder
relentlessly.
I’d found a glass and a cardboard lid.
I continued with my bid to relax him.
“Yeah, they can’t fly – at least not according to the laws of physics.
Put their data on a drawing board – wing-span, weight , drag co-efficients –
There's simply too much of them to be in the skies.
But, as Edward Lear has poetically pointed out,
bees don’t read physics (or grammar) – and they flies.
By now I had the bee in a glass.
And if my class in the theory of flight
hadn’t relaxed Danny as much as it might
the bee’s captivity and imminent removal
met with his obvious approval
and a little intrique, what’s more.
He followed me to the door.
Outside,
the cardboard floor of his glass prison cast aside,
my prisoner took the air
where he did as bees will,
shilly shally zig-zagging
if he had a tail it was wagging,
like him, back and forth as he bumbled
up, up and away on his crazy drunken flight.
Yet in next to no time he had cleared
A two-storey building across the street
Making his haphazard escape
complete.
Danny watched him go.
“So.” He said, still gazing high
across the rooftops.
“They can’t fly?”
He seemed transfixed where he stood.
“Nope.” I replied.
And he sighed.
Then he said
“They jump pretty good!”
Author notes
Until recently, aerodynamics experts were perplexed to find that the bumble bee was apparently a flying impossibility. Only relatively new technology has enlightened them as to how the bees actually stay in the air.
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Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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First off (I know this is way off) could the fuzz on a bumble bee cause air pockets and therefore asist the bee in staying air borne?
Anywho, I enjoy your little tale and the little joke at the end. Did this really happen?
well great job,
Ash -
It's prosey for sure, John...
...and, for that reason (among others), I like it.
It's breezy, easy and off-handed, no stuff hidden in subtle images. You can use and control metaphors masterfully when you want, but this isn't one of those times - I think here you want ease and playful wisdom between two people who happen to be dad and son. It works.
And the little tale moves without visible effort toward the crack at the end. Smart dad to be so relaxed with Danny's fears; smart kid to solve the bee's impossible flight (the poem's final word is perfect); smart bee not to worry about not being able to fly.
I say I like the proseyness of this one. I think that most prose-as-poems don't work because they don't hang together into a total feeling; they don't glow as a whole, so to say. This one does for me - the "bumble-bumbling" of a sly dad mentoring his son, an uneasy but sharp boy, a bee, and all of us - bumbling along doing and saying more than we ever thought possible. A fine poem.
Lad -
takes flight
good lesson for Danny and for us. actually this could bee more about father/son than bumble-bees or and/or. also theres the theme of being too dumb to know you can't do something.
as an aside Bill Marr states that cell phones are screwing up bees navigation system and there (bees) dissapearing but dont' tell Danny.
dave. Rewarded 6
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Hey Dave..
..thanks for the comment. I liked the idea of bees/people being too thick to know they can't acheive things - then doing it. I would have worked it in if I'd heard it in time.
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I really like the tone of this, John. Of course, as already noted, the father/son dynamic is its strongest feature. I think it's a fairly successful experiment, the conversion of short story to poem was made rather seamlessly-- the bee image is deeply poetic.
While I can't really find fault with it, I must say, I think I would have enjoyed this more as a short story.
Lauren
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Hey Lauren.
There's a lot of stuff going on here that's pretty mixed up but I'm surprised to see people picking up on the father/son thing. The story is actually true EXCEPT for the father/son bit (by the way you can link to the original 250 word short story at 'Storywrite' from my home page here). Just goes to show you're right about never knowing how readers or judges will react. I wasn't really going for deeply poetic - I suppose sometimes I just cant help myself!Hope it gave you a smile at least and thanks for reading and commenting as always. >W<
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I particularly enjoyed the jumpy, shilly shallying rhythm and rhymes in this. A gentle, friendly and playful little story.
. Rewarded 4
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...bees in jam jars and aw' that! Hope it gave you a little laugh JJ. It's a true story. Thanks for reading and commenting. >W<
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How fitting...
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Stinging. Well...not really but...
Hi Rebecca. The trouble with sharp commentators is they find you out as well as building you up sometimes! This was originally a very shortr story written as prose. For reasons too boring to mention I decided to adapt it to a poem. It seems I was only partially successful. I reckon you nailed the good and the not-so-good here pretty well.
For me, it's ALL about the last line. If that made you laugh, then I got a result. In fact it's pretty much a true story and I often re-tell to whomever I can inflict it upon should I have to remove a bumble bee from the workshop. The idea that their crazy flight is a bee 'jumping' is so totally comical. So, glad it made you laugh - that's really all it was meant to do. I may try and 'tidy it up a bit' as you suggest though. Thanks for the shrewd comment once more. >W<
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It's an interesting topic you chose. I had no idea that bees couldn't fly. You learn something new every day! As to the poem itself, it's endearing with the father/son dynamics. I wouldn't say it's one of my favourites of yours but it's got some good elements. I feel it's the last part of the poem that's works the best from line 26 onwards. The rhymes and poetical language work well. The description of the bee's flight of freedom from lines 37-40 is particularly good. The first part of the poem though feels too prose-like (i.e. L8) and while some of the rhymes work (L13-15), others don't (L7 - there feels like there should be an extra syllable or something) I just feel it could be tightened up. I do really like the last line though, it made me laugh!
. Rewarded 8
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