Share Poetry Critiques Poetry       Forums       Freewrite       Store      

Haikoan Stream.

Missing image

 

Stare at Midas Pair

Split in twain, lost to self, all

He touched turned to old.

 

Rare breed, you and thee.

No one like us breathes such air;

Strangled just for us.

 

Earth belly rumbling.

Sycamore tufts from navel

Wells drop forever.

 

Cuntdip sinks within

As Pisshead commits trespass.

Twas love at first spite.

 

Strip-mining Isis,

I lost my way beneath her.

Teeth shining like stars.

 

Why Shaving Grace hides,

Concealing self delusions

In sight I am blind…

 

A new look suits her

Old look better than I did.

Alone and it shows.

 

Charity lost Faith

As Hope chews the final line

Of Miss Mortal Coil.

 

My life without me.

The ghost of tomorrow knows

Who is buried here.

 

Solemn Man the Whys

Wept his lonely childhood of

Baby halves apart

 

 

In tiered streams

Of high koan dreams...

 

 

 

 

Author notes

First, Grasshopper, one must convey the form to enhance the sacred rules of haiku and senryu holy essence and once this has enveloped thy divine spark of verse
letterbomb the bastard into bite-size bits of obliterated truth.
Another ten parts of a singular hole.
Oh and cheers to Celestial for further letterbombing of envelopes, antelopes and antipopes...
Ah shit, Grasshopper, the stream hit another snag and whirlpools within itself anon! Hell p

Urine. I´m Out.

    : , Your review:
    (Check spelling) (Upgrade to gold for rich text editing)

    Suggestion: Point out your favorite and least favorite parts. Which areas sound awkward? Use line numbers.
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0.?

    :

    Just a comment, not a review? Opt out of getting points

Comments

1 - 10 of 10
  • Dun silver member
    June 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Psychoanalytical travelog from afar.

    Like a scientist studying a bug.

    Public pain fractures
    personae collapses
    mine's-sweeter-than-most
    philosophizing lapses
    Reality strikes stagnant blow
    As doldrums appear,
    wake taken from bow.

    Mermaids spring in salted caves.
    Death obsessed no longer saves.
    Rapacious riffles
    plying savant sniffles.
    Wrecked by literary knaves.

    Preferential to the past?
    Best, the present to the last?
    Who knows the reason,
    did the season
    lend the learning right or crass?

    Best to know the story whole
    Hatred will destroy the soul
    'til all wisdom once devoid
    leave's inside the soul a void.
    When the action leaves the wisdom
    truth no longer found within him
    wafts away like whispering wind
    until nothing be found within.

    Wisdom of the wizened above
    be not bred of any love.
    but desire to cut with ire
    fuel for egocentric fire.

    Billows of this rising air
    fill the sails to shed the lair
    Sailing once more, righted now
    Rectified, the wake from bow.

    I think I got it. Did I get it?

    Did you get it?








    • gnosisonG silver member
      June 21, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      PS

      Not sure what I got but get it I did!

      • Dun silver member
        June 21, 2007
        Edit | Reply

        Sorry to stump

        but you made my brain pump
        to comprehend your rhythmic wind
        and so I attempted my guess
        with similar literary largess

        Al


    • gnosisonG silver member
      June 21, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Haikuna Matata!

      Bloody Brilliant Plumeister! Patterns pure ploughed into Perfidion. Thou art a Rock on a Roll, Big Al! And oh so verily!
      Koanan the Barbarian beats within my breast whilst rereading your psychoanalytical travelogue. This seems to me to be an acute take on cathartistry and writing oneself out of pain - rectifying the wake as you so poetically put it.
      To the scientist observing the bug:
      Watching gods beneath the microscope makes deiforms of us all.
      Hahah who needs drugs when you have crazy (but never crazed) poets for friends.
      Cheers for making my day, mate.

      Righted now

      gG

  • Terry-too
    June 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    My thanks for Lauren's words.

    --because they tell it all so well! You're in, I'm out.
    This won't be worth the points even singly. My head still spins in response to batting back and forth like some tennis ball, having a ball. Three more reads will allow the thoughts to perch as focus grows--but that's just me.

    One thing got in the way a bit, when an obvious enjambment got stopped by a capital on the next line. But then, life is full of minor obstacles. Those "bite sized bits" also gather significance simply by their isolation, making sense of it into a patch-work quilt. As I said, three more reads, to fit a rather dim wit.

    Simon, you deserve better than this.
    Terry

    . Rewarded 8


    • gnosisonG silver member
      June 21, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Cheers Terry!

      Yepp Lauren´s words are always a treat aren\t they, as are yours.
      And you have a point. Perhaps I shouldn´t be a stickler for capitals when obvious enjambments... err.. enjamb.
      Dimwit? Never!

      gG


  • celestialpie gold member
    May 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    First, of course, I am immensely pleased and honored to have had however small a part in your pillaging of the haiku form in ways more daring and creative than anything I could scribble. I think your notes need to be a poem in itself. Oh, and "Urine. I'm Out"-- not subtle, but hilarious and witty nonetheless. Maybe that will take a little sting out of the mass overlook of "isle of pain." Cheers for that, Simon.

    As for the poem itself, I am always thrilled to be a sojourner in the realms of phantasmagoria that are your brain, though I fear slightly for my life should I ever brush up against you in the Akasha's tenuous halls. Lord knows, I have nightmares of my own a-plenty.

    So then it goes without saying that I am astounded by your fearsome occult images: "Strip-mining Isis"! Frighteningly surreal. And Solomon (love that particular homophone!), Midas, Charity, mortal coil-- my mind reels from the juxtaposition of religious figures and concepts. But rather pleasantly reeling. Whatever you're on, I hope I can get my hands on some, and I don't mean your neighbor's execrable wine.

    The pervert in me loved the fourth hikoan especially.

    Also loved "My life without me. . ." That one was plaintive and haunting, where the others were more visceral.

    Overall, I'm afraid the meanings are a little beyond my feeble comprehensions, but I am no less admiring.

    Lauren


    . Rewarded 8


    • gnosisonG silver member
      June 8, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Cheers Celestial!

      Did you get the Midas pair homophone? My despair - quite liked that one. "My life without me" is actually the haunting title of an excellent film by a Canadian lady (can´t recall her name) about a woman who is going to die and her process of clearing up loose-ends before she departs.
      Thanx again Lauren!
      gG


      • celestialpie gold member
        June 9, 2007
        Edit | Reply
        I confess-- I did not get the "Midas pair" homophone. I am still attuning my ear in such directions. The film, "My Life Without Me" was done by Sarah Polley. An amazing actress, one of my favorites. (I'm a big film geek.)

        Most welcome,
        Lauren

1 - 10 of 10