Average looks with an average body
nothing special, they don't even
wanna know my name.
I'm not his ideal,
his eyes glance over
to the sexy girl behind.
You're his sexy girl;
take his love so
he can take your body.
Until I'm beautiful,
they'll look the other way.
Supermodel smile to go with the eyes.
That was a childhood wish, grown up
now, wouldn't want that kiss.
That's better anyway,
there's no 'Hey, gorgeous'
it doesn't fit.
You're his gorgeous lady;
take you to the parties
just to show you off.
Until I'm beautiful,
I won't be on the A-List.
Handsome look with his fancy swagger.
Gaze my eyes upon him looking.
Doesn't really matter, he doesn't see.
But he walked up,
drink in his hand
said 'Hi'.
We sit at a table and talk
I ask him 'Why?'
Pushes my hair behind my ear,
‘Because you're beautiful,
and I wanted to know your name.’
Please tell me what you think
Sorry, you cannot respond to an archived poemReviews
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powerful expression
brilliant yarning of words! -
exelant
You nailed the whole thing at the very end, i love a happy ending.
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great
Kept waiting for you to skip a beat you did not. wonderful job.....sweet story. -
Great
...i loved how you show the thoughts going through a girls head when she sees a guy and how no matter what girls never think they are pretty enough or they dont have the right look. my favorite parts are:
Average looks with an average body
nothing special, they don't even
wanna know my name.
I'm not his ideal,
his eyes glance over
to the sexy girl behind.
and
Supermodel smile to go with the eyes.
That was a childhood wish, grown up
now, wouldn't want that kiss.
That's better anyway,
there's no 'Hey, gorgeous'
it doesn't fit.
great work here!
--Tori
. Rewarded 8
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It is a good piece, an emotion/experience a lot of girls feel
I felt maybe like it could have read a bit smoother, but other then that, was great. With creative word choice and use of them within the stanzas
Well done
. Rewarded 4
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There's a lot of heart in this poem and as a woman I can identify with the narrator perfectly. The ideal, sexy, supermodel body is always perpertuated in the media and we always feel as if we're not good enough. So we strive so that one day when we will be classed as "beautiful" never realising we're all beautiful already. I like how the second and forth stanzas are slightly different referring to the "his gorgeous lady" and you urge her to accept his love but at the same time it's all centred on the physical body and gives it a cynical feeling. However the poem ends very sweetly which counteracts that but my one suggestion might be to balance the end with inner beauty too so we know the boy is interested in you are a beautiful woman both inside and out.
. Rewarded 8
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Sound.
Interesting theme, the beautiful who doesn't feel beautiful/ believes she isn't beautiful/perhaps is being lied to or seduced, I've been playing with this myself recently tho' from a different angle... Yes it's teen angst but very lucidly expressed, which lifts it above its peers. I don't think it can be improved on as a poem because the work is complete as it is - theme, charaters, tone, feelings. I like it for what it is: an intimate exploration of a common, very human experience. Bestr RA
September 11, 2007
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