They lay with the daughters of man,
their sleek bodies and silkfan hands
fluttering like blossoms
raining, raining wet
twirldown boughsigh,
a thousand pinkwhite butterflies
seeding angels of regret.
Their inkpool eyes suck cries
from the rising bosom
of Paradise,
frosting her ribbed terrain,
and, glittering like a million
moons, vanish, leaving
the graywhite lady grieving.
Please tell me what you think
Sorry, you cannot respond to an archived poemReviews
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I hesitate to comment on your beautiful poem because I am not sure I understand the metaphors.
Many years ago when in Greece I visited The Valley of the Butterflies. The rocks and trees vibrated with the flutter of wings.
Is this what you are describing?
frosting her ribbed terrain,
and, glittering like a million
moons,
These lines are beautifully crafted. I love "twirldown" and "boughsigh". Are these words that you created? If so they are both wonderfully descriptive and should be entered into the dictionary immediately.
Milkpods when they burst also form a similar effect.
And who is the graywhite lady?
I feel a little foolish. Maybe this is all evident to others but I am just having a bit a difficulty entering into the picture of your poem.
. Rewarded 8
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Lovely metaphors in this poem ...
so cleverly constructed ... with its Biblical references interwoven in the sufferings of Eden ... and the consequent agony for all of mother earth ...
Infertility comes to mind, frozenness and deserts of despair to the offspring of those enigmatic Beings ...
I loved your musical use of alliteration.
Regards
Myra
. Rewarded 6
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Your collective id is wondrously at work here, Brandon.
All the way back to Eden and to our lost innocence that it symbolizes. The poem seems to enhance and enrich Genesis's tale of evil and dreaded angels laying with the daughters of men, then leaving behind all the "graywhite" Earth-mother's griefs. I like all of it.
The word choices and neologisms are very very enjoyable to take in; I'm partial to wordcombos myself, so inkpool, graywhite, silkfan, twirldown, boughsigh and pinkwhite are a real pleasure to read. And "ribbed" is a nice shortcut touch of Adam's rib as our source. The poem has, for me, the same pure poetry that Genesis's "In the Beginning..." has, including the sadness of Evil's inevitability.
No suggestions at all, except, don't touch it any further; in my opinion at least, its beauty is finished.
Lad
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Hi Brandon. Your notes say a poem can be about anything. I went to them for I hadn't really a clue here. I did know that I liked it. That these lines
raining, raining wet
twirldown boughsigh,
a thousand pinkwhite butterflies
were worth the reading for their pure beauty of word and image.
Ultimately I was left with the image of a cherryblossom tree shedding (as they do in spring I believe - I'm no horticulturist but my vision is of small trees in Spring) and the idea that human existence is being used as a metaphor for natural beauty instead of vise versa - an idea which pleased me even if it's the wrong one.
Thanks for the read. >W<
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Ah, I had my pop-up blocker on this whole time! Sorry, just testing an hypothesis.
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Hey, Brandon. I found this to be an interesting departure for you-- while there is undoubtedly a whimsical thread in a lot of your work, I think this is the first outright metaphysical piece I've seen from you. It's soft and fantastical. I like it.
I came up with two possible interpretations-- the first is of the alien abduction phenomenon-- the title, "Visitation" is a word that abductees often use to refer to their experiences, as well as the references of "graywhite" skin, "inkpool eyes," and "vanish[ing" into moons. Aaaand I just outed myself as the big X-Files geek that I am. Feel free to make fun.
My other interpretation is about the Nephilim, which is a bit more obvious to those familiar with the lore-- "They lay with the daughters of man," in fact, would be a dead giveaway, "seeding angels of regret." But who could resist the daughters of man, with "sleek bodies and silkfan hands"? But again, it has been suggested that alien abductions and the Nephilim are the same occurrences, give or take a millennium.
If either of these is correct or neither, I do enjoy the softer side of Biblical imagery-- describing a woman as "ribbed terrain" is quite clever. It's refreshing to read a poem with Eden imagery that is not some strident feminist rant or Satan apologia.
This will surely send me off to interesting dreams-- angels and aliens and Watchers oh my.
And, as always, wonderfully crafted, but that goes without saying.
Lauren
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Really
You're right on both accounts. I happen to be one of those who believe this planet was in fact seeded by life from comets, a theory known, I believe, as panspermia. It is a known fact that bacteria can live in the most hostile of environments and lay dormant for millenia. I don't happen to believe that the Kosmos actually has any beginning or end. Just ask yourself what "caused" the "Big Bang?" What we have called God or the Gods, in my opinion, are extraterrestrials visiting this planet for reasons unknown to us. Maybe they have some interest in our doings, and maybe they're just coming here on vacation, and we're just another species of fauna, and, who knows? They may find us in the words of Fat Bastard, "dead sexy." Thanks for reading. -
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I am familiar with the theory. I have an unhealthy fascination with any and all things supernatural or outside the realm of accepted science. I agree that the universe has no end-- I'm not so sure about whether or not it has a beginning.
As for extraterrestrials, I think it's a all of the above-- interest, exploration, and interest and exploration in sex. Everything's built to procreate.
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September 4, 2007
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