He looked at the moon and the stars
And he asked them for answers.
They shone back so steadily, silently
Looking for light.
He burned with the sight of a seer
And the heart of a dancer
As the Universe unveiled herself
In the clear of the night.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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John, I think it's safe to say you speak for most, if not all of us, when you describe the act of searching heaven for answers. Stars and wisdom are practically synonymous, the ancient witnesses to our doings and undoings. I love the lines, "He burned with the sight of a seer," and "the Universe unveiled herself." I also love the concept you put forth of light exchange-- the stars as seekers as well as givers of knowledge-- an original and unexpected twist.
In the Tarot, the Star signifies healing. Be well.
Lauren
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Simplicity is the best medicine
... a pared-down story, stripped to the essentials yet still so drivingly rhythmic and engaging... The characters are deftly drawn, with great economy... that's an achievement, I think...I like the lovely soft rhymes, too, esp "answers/dancer". Very lovely, one of my favourites now...
Think you must be right about DO, however, as "Mr" Universe is certianly a gay icon and his insistence on this is very telling.(!)
Best RA
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Ochs is a Fascist !
Hi River. Thanks for reading and for your kind remarks. I'm not a great fan of rhyme and meter but this one 'simply wasn't having' anything else. I reckon it has to be done well if it's to work at all so I take your comment, especially the 'favourite' part, as a great compliment, especially coming from yourself. As for Dr Ochs ( DO , right?) I'm glad you're onto him. Not only is he a gay, he is also a fascist, a draft dodger and a Bukowski fan. My sort of girl! Nice doing poetry with you as always. >W<
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creative, worded perfectly to paint the picture. I was lying there under the stars. A nice great poem here
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sexist
come on John we all know the universe is a guy, even Stevie Wonder could see that on a cloudy night. the poem was well written even if its factually wrong.
dave. Rewarded 4
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Gay
I am NOT sexist, Ochs, but you are definitely GAY. If there's going to be any unveiling done before my eyes by the Universe or anybody else they had damn well better be a female (or the only person looking better be Stevie Wonder!). Glad you could see it was well written - even Stevie could have seen THAT. Thought it would be a little flowery for YOUR tastes though. You're not going all coy on me - are you Sweetie? Thanks for commenting as always. >W<
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This read like a paragraph from a well-written novel, as well as it did as a stand alone poem. Or maybe I'm just bias as this poem mentions things that i have affinity towards: The night, darkness, and the universe.
The tone slowly unveils as the "I" in the poem slowly find "answers" to his questions, though the answers are given silently.
When asking what is possible, i feel, that looking into the sky and seeing the universe unveil itself to you makes you know that everything is. That's what i took from this poem.
Always a good poem, Windhover.
-iphios -
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Insight ful
Thanks a million for your kind and insightful words Iphios. I say 'insightful' for the poem was originally written in the first person which made it sound even more flowery and up-my-own-arse than it does now. I wonder that no-one has commented on the rhyme and meter which is unusually strident for me. I'm glad you 'got' it about the silent answers. As for the night sky, I sometimes like to look at it and think of it as a body of pure light which the physical darkness covers like a computer card covering a lampshade, to give the impression of thousands of tiny windows. Thank you once again and nice doing poetry with you. >W<
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Lovely and insightful, John. I sense the Universe and the seer-dancer becoming one. This one, for me, is mystically seductive; the poet finds no "answers" by any intellectual searching, as the "moon and the stars" try to break into the "light" of his soul. But when his heart relaxes into a dance, and his eyes burn within him, clarity comes. It's what I never cease hoping for, preferably in this life and at least in the next.
Beautiful in every word, line, syllable and image. I can hear your "Anger" fade.
Lad. Rewarded 8
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A little flowery?
Ah, Lad me oul' segocia. Ye never fail to read and respond an' ye nivir miss the point. A tousand Irish tanks (that's a big thank you, not a small invasion!)as always. I wondered about this one, especially all the rhyme and meter.But that's how it came to me and it got what I wanted to say said. It felt a little flowery I thought but , as you know, there hasn't been much coming through lately so I'm grabbing any productivity with both hands. I also wrote a short short story straight afterwards, completely out of the blue and unconnected. I may inflict it on you in message form if that's okay. Oh, and I changed the title of 'Anger'as you suggested - it's now 'Popcorn'. Anger gets a lot of bad press, but in its proper place it can be a real friend. It's rarely good for self-expression though. Thanks again for your steadfast, sound and constant support. >W<
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