He's not gay
but he lives in the closet
just the same.
He loves to play
but so few people really seem
to know his game.
A little boy
who doesn't know his name -
it's the same
as mine.
He does the things
his parents say he can't.
The adults say 'be quiet'
He says 'I shan't'.
He's different.
His eyes
have that mongoloid slant.
He's an outsider.
He's a bad boy
because he comes from
a one-parent home.
When he's about
watch out for the furniture.
His favourite toys are
fast cars, soft women
and his pen.
He writes to me now and then
and I love to hear from him.
Sometimes I
reply.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
-
I found this interesting. This outsider thrives on the belief that he is unique. However his displays a lot of very familiar traits, doing what he oughtn't, looking and dressing different, using fast cars and soft women to hide his sorrow. I relate totally. When i was younger (sometime I still do this), i thrived on being different, i said things that people shouldnt have siad and etc. I liked the paradox here in the description of this man. Or maybe I missed the mark?
. Rewarded 8
-
-
Lots of 'insiders' would be 'outsiders' pretty quickly
Hi A. You're pretty much on the mark here. I think lots of people who feel different inside and that if that 'insider' were ever fully revealed he/she would quickly become an 'outsider'. Thanks for reading and commenting on this old orphan! Nice to hear from you again. >W<
-
-
A celtic knot ...
couldn't be naughtier of more intricate or charming, it's a puzzle modest in its tone, you have a light touch, man. Very deft... and then there's that old American advertising slogan - does (s)he or doesn't (s)he? (The "what" I'll leave to your imagination. ) My favourite word, well one, springs to mind: elliptical, bringing more than the obvious into its orbit. Very enjoyable, and moving too though not in any obvious slash-and-burn way... a bit of an itch one longs to scratch. Nice one. Best RA. Rewarded 8
-
Very Interesting !
-
John, quite simply, I love the honesty and self-awareness of this piece. This is a damn near flawless piece-- the subtle rhythm and off-rhymes underscore the quiet introspection. I love how it's misleading, until you get to the lines, "His favorite toys are/fast cars, soft women/and his pen." With this, you become the voice of all us outsiders here.
For me, one of your best, which is saying something.
XOXO,
Lauren
. Rewarded 8
-
-
Orphan
Hey Cutie. The Outsider has been a little bit of an orphan but the fact that you, Dave and Lad all seem to like it particularly makes him a new pet of mine. Not that he wasn't already - but now his poem is too! Thank you for your (most valued) comment. xx >W<
-
-
This sounds like...
a song to me, done with sort of quirky instrumentation in the manner of David Byrne or back to Beatles Eleanor Rigby form. The ending is too abrupt for a song though, so it stands well as the poem it is. Slightly coy and arch in the Windhover way, a game of "who am I?" It's got a good beat I'll give it a 9. Cheers, MJ. Rewarded 6
-
Holds my mind in it's grip...
This poem means a lot to me in the fact that I personally express individuality as much as possible. I understand this poem a lot in many ways and in others I am confused but it puts a smirk on my face that you have got me slightly confused, yet possible correct at the same time. What I am stumped over is if this poem is about you, I am almost sure it is yet there are possibilities it may not be. "its the same/as mine" had me thinking, and the detailed personal characteristics added on, then I see the ending, "Sometimes I/reply" Terrific ending. It is what has me smirking because it possibly could mean you reply to this person or you did not finish the first line, then said to reply. This is just what I'm getting from it, I may be wrong but either way, it is wonderful. A fun read for me.. Rewarded 8
-
John...
if this person is not you, but is really you, I would like to get to know him too.
I bet he is a lot more fun to be with 
-- you know how i like 'em bad... LOL!
I really like this one, John. The form, the style, the rhyme. It seem to all fit together. And the ending is clever.
cheers,
Lynne
. Rewarded 6
-
-
Schizoidthoughts
Well, Scrambledthoughts, I'm sure I could arrange an introduction but then I'd be jealous. And so would he. Either way, it would be fun.....
Always good to see your bad girl on my site with a comment! Thank you ! x >W<
-
-
One of your most subtle, and candid.
I like this one immensely, John. If all poems, no matter their metaphors, are autobiographical (and I think they are), then this one was written on a mirror - "his name...the same as mine." Though written in the third person (a good decision, I think), the poem reflects the poet.
Or maybe not? perhaps it's someone other than the poet? So be it, but I'll go with my first hunch, because there's another touch of a hint in "Sometimes I / reply." Either way, poet or another, you've fused the two so skilfully that, as a reader, I can't but help to sense an empathy so strong that one is made up of two: one insider and another "outsider" - that strange unity of a man and his shadow. Now, that's fine poetry.
And those heavy-duty concepts are fused into the poem with vivid palpables: furniture, play, game, 'I shan't', 'that mongoloid slant', 'toys', 'women', 'cars', 'pen.' Sharp eye of the soul there, John. Now, that 'pen' has me in a delightful quandary: 'pen' simply as in pen (Freud: "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar") or 'pen' as a clever abbreviation - ap-pen-dage, or, more plainly, the other word. Aw hell, I'll go for all of them, considering the context of 'writes to me', 'fast cars' and 'soft women', and I hope, for the sake of the beauty of sly lines, I'm right!
But what hits me hardest, and hints at the self-persona of the poem's poet, is "Sometimes / I reply." Fantastic conclusion; only someone with an artist's soul can know what that means, what it's like, the frequent self-denials, the occasional acceptance of the truth.
One of your absolute best for me, John, including its fine rhymes - from its first provocative three words to its final three. A triumph of subtlety and self-awareness.
Lad. Rewarded 8
-
hey john
i like the theme here of being the outsider, someone different then the "herd" who takes a crap for not being "more like us" lots of pressure to conform
delivered in your usual tight punchy style.
dave. Rewarded 4
-
-
Hey Dave, thanks for the snappy (and postitive)reply. I think poets and writers need to be outsiders of sorts by definition almost, if they want to 'see the wood through the trees' so to speak. This one had more rhyme than I intended but if that's how they come, that's how they come. Thanks again for the feedback. >W<
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 14 of 14
