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Aquainted Memory


sitting nearby sallow brook

vision the windows of secluded nook

painted in rusty brown

crooked chimney half crown

with crickety steps split

of worn travelers wit




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Reviews


  • xdisturbedxemotions
    October 21, 2007
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    i dont quite get it.

    Its short. and i didnt quite grasp the subject. you did a good job with the rhyming all though not all poems need rhyme in every line. maybe you could add some more lines to it to make the subject more clear?

    It is not my poem so these are only suggestions you can do as you please for it may make perfect sense to you, but none to me.

    --Tori

    . Rewarded 6


  • himanshumodi
    October 22, 2007

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    well... this is a bit dense. WHat i got from it was a person re-visiting a place very dear to him, perhaps a house where he grew up, after a long-long time. But that doesn't quite explain the last line. The haunting imagery works well, but then, the poem itself did not really explain itself fully, nor did it give me enough feed to connect the wide-spread dots with my own imagination.

    Maybe if you could work on it a bit more?

    Regards,
    HM

    . Rewarded 8


  • Lad silver member
    November 17, 2007

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    For me, haley, this poem is like a painting, an impressionist canvas. The artist-poet sits by a brook and observes an old house with all its colorful details, which the poem beautifully images. And yet, it's possible that the poet is meditating on him-or-herself, troubled and "worn" by others' "wit."

    I very much like its rhythms and rhymes, wrapped up in a kind of peacefulness. But it's hard for me to clearly see the poem's subject. That's not a negative criticism at all, because lots of lovely and provocative poems don't really have to "mean" anything specific; they can just glory in vague feelings, as yours does here, I think.

    I like the poem, haley. Perhaps a few more words might make the "meaning" come out, but, to tell the truth, it doesn't matter. I like the picture I feel, whether or not my possible interpretations are what you intended.

    Good poem.

    Lad
    PS: is there a reason why you want "of" instead of "by" in the last line? If you have the time, could you clue me in on that? It interests me. Thanks.

    . Rewarded 8