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looking away a long lost thought as the eye lids flicker a cold breath breathes in each time a thought passes by the face turns to another angle gulping the saline emotion there’s a shining spirit ready to fall journeying through the soft ridges it falls down the long curls waving are moved to the side the hand touches her shoulder let the warmth pass through reaching every nerve a tremble she makes comforting His hand stays there for a while nurturing each sense to respond slightly touching her beauty trembling inside. |
Please tell me what you think
Sorry, you cannot respond to an archived poemReviews
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Very descriptive and sensual, only an emotional woman can write such a poem for the feelings expressed in it can be experienced by a man. Nice piece.
Shanazar -
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thanks...
Thanks MS, It certainly feels nice to find that the feelings are moving on to the reader...
Thanks a lot for the comment.I am glad to know that you liked it.
khushboo
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This was captivating.
Touch, one of the most powerful conveyances of human emotion and feeling and so necessary to our interaction as social beings. The start of the poem is vague with sadness, then the whole poetic portrait opens to what it is to be touched and the warmth it infuses into us. There is so much in touch. I like how you brought out so well the aspect of touch as a comforter. There is nothing quite so comforting as a hug, or a hand on the shoulder from a loved one, and I like how you capture this so well. This poem speaks to me the value of comforting one another and taking the time to care and interact with one another via touch. We are electrical beings with electrical auras. When our energy fields get outta whack, a simple hug can set them straight. I like this poem because it tells us to stop and love our loved ones, to give em a hug and to physically interact to ward off sadness. I liked this. You write well and I think I'm gonna go give my family some hugs.
Al
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thanks Al,
I am glad to know that this warmth could reach your family.
You are right, touch is the most caring gesture. It speaks beyond silence.
It feels really satisfying that the warmth in touch could transcend through these words...
Thanks a lot for pouring in your comment..
khushboo
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Nice tension for me
It is interesting... for me, this poem generated a nice form of tension. It was like a playful struggle between fear and emotional anticipation. I suppose touch can do that. It has the power to excite us and make us feel vulnerable at the same instant. Your words had a defined effect on me and that can't be overlooked. Anytime a writer puts down lines that have such an impact I have to nod in admiration of a job well done. You have much to be proud of in this poem.. Rewarded 8
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thanks Mark,
Well said,thanks a lot for pouring in your words. It certainly feels great to see these words making an impact.
khushboo.
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You wrote an enchanting poem here. A touch is something always giving, a transmission of all the positive feelings of the heart. Many a times we even yearn for a touch, from the parents to the child, from a friend while sharing, from a loved one, even from life and from spiritual sources. Each touch is very important to us and needed. Perhaps we can even learn to offer a touch more often and pay attention to it.
I've been taught that if I feel angry with somebody and I just touch him/her I won't be able to continue the negative feelings -- and it works. Since there is always some affection with a touch, it can also be a peace maker. Thank you for this deep and "touching" poem! Ulla -
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thanks...
very true.It's one of the most beautiful gestures.
Thanks for telling me this interesting idea, it's an important learning for me too...
Thanks a lot for taking time out to read and comment,
I am really happy to know that you liked it.
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Great writing,
I like how you make every stanza stands on its own yet they build upon each other. I get a negative tone in the poem. Almost like an arranged marriage type thing. Let me know if Im really off or if Im on the right track.
Great read
Bill
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hi William,
thanks a lot for pouring in your comment.
Yeah, the start is on a bit negative tone but the arranged marriage thing isn't there.
It's a moment of our usual lives factual enough wherein how a simple touch of a person can bring warmth and comfort to the other person.Though for me this touch was the faith in God carrying enough power to make itself evident and touch one deeply.I have just tried to personify this faith.
I am glad to see you back!
thanks once again...
khushboo
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Hi, khushboo, and thanks for offering me a subtle poem on how a spiritual touch, a "nurturing" one, can ease us in our times of "lost thoughts". You've managed to describe what I, too, go through at times when I can't quite get my soul and mind together. That excellent phrase - "gulping the saline solution" - is accurate besides being connotative of the search for meaning, for answers, imaged in a simple swallow in the throat.
The very human way you described the poet about to be touched is a skilfully rendered image for me: "the long curls waving / are moved to the side..." - that vividness really humanizes the mystery of one who reaches down to "touch" the poet, and us, with "warmth".
The poem, as I sense it, is a hopeful one, and it even has a delightfully erotic physicality to it - that hand reaching deep into the poet's "trembling inside." Even eroticism can be profoundly spiritual in the right and loving hands. Nice work, again!
Lad
PS: and thanks for the honor of being one of your favorites; much appreciated! -
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thanks Lad,
I am glad to find your insightful comment on this one.
I agree with you.It's the relativity of the disturbed state of mind with several questions and thoughts which in turn makes the water saline.
It feels nice to know that this warmth was transcended to the reader too.
thanks once again,
khushboo
PS:and the pleasure is all mine.
I am sorry for being quite late in my response.
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Muhammad Shanazar
October 19, 2007