And lead us not into temptation
for it makes us both look bad
us, because we
succumb
You, for placing creatures as weak as us
on the same planet
as something so strong
so we're bound to do wrong
and that's
dumb
or is it just Your sense of humour?
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Ha ha ha.
this cheered me up, "succumb" rhymed with " dumb"???? I love it. Only human... yet the Man says we are such creatures as dreams are made on...
Best RA. Rewarded 4
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I didn't see it as a shortcoming,
I loved it. xa -
Couldn't resist it (!)
And to think I just pulled YOU up about archaic language! God's not the only one with a sense of humor or a blindspot for his own shortcomings it seems! My Best as always. >W<
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Ha! good and punchy, John. Not one unneeded word to ferret out the mysterious meaning of those six words, the most puzzling six words millions pray every day. And who knows? it just might be "Your sense of humor" after all, whoever "You" is up there in the inexplicable universe. As I cracked to an artist painter friend of mine a few days ago:
Why do you press your brushes so hard?
when no-one knows the colors of God.
Lad. Rewarded 8
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Cheers Lad. Just some gentle ribbing of the Creator. Hope He can take a joke or I'm in big trouble! Bendover
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The Lord's Prayer finds a different interpretation in your hands. Short but strong, especially for someone raised as a Catholic. There is humour in that, our weakness must reflect back to the creator as the way children are, reflect back to their parents. However, others say our weakness makes him stronger...for then, we seek him in our lowest points.
Your poem brings new meaning to that phrase.
-iphios -
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Your comment is smarter than my poem
Hi Iphios. Thanks for reading and commenting so astutely here. You do my poor ditty more credit than it deserves and make me feel so much smarter than I am! I really wasn't aiming at profound - but I can see how your 'take ' on this is completely valid. I LIKE hanging out with clever people! Thank you so much again. >W<
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hey john
couldnt agree with you more. you know come to think of it i'd like to go back to poly theism where the gods hung out on clouds and played chess with us as pawms that chaos seems to make a lot more sense. then the big man just wanting for us to fuck up so he can punish us. thanks for bringing this to the forefront
dave. Rewarded 6
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There's a big market out there...
Reverend Ochs. I suspect the monotheists discovered the uses of monopolizing guilt and cornering the market in forgiveness early on in our planet's history. If you need some forgiving let me know. I can guarantee competitive rates.
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Simple but moving...
As a life-long Catholic your title sucked me in right away... I HAD to read this one! =) I love the depth of though in 51 words, though. This taps into some essential aspects of both the divine and the human... setting the reader on a course where they know the direction but will determin the final outcome on their own. It does not preach, in my eyes. It simply raises a question, one worth discussing, debating, or at least pondering. Your final line does so much for this poem, too. It secures that non-preaching feel and gives it the lighter feel it needs. It makes the words much less intimidating than they could be for some people. It wraps up this feeling of "I don't have all the answers, but I sure have a few questions". When a question, especially in religion, feels too intimidating the natural reaction for some is turn away from it. You neutralize that reaction here while still getting a great and inquisitve voice out there in the open. Good work...
Note: I also should say that I really like the sturcture of the poem. The trick is I can't really articulate "why" I like it so much but it seemed to work really well for me. I'll keep working on the "why" =)
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The Almighty is a bit of a joker..
Hey Mark, thanks for such a detailed and positive review. You caught that this was ultimately not a serious poem and yet they say many a true word was spake in jest. I mean no disrespect to the Almighty - I just do feel he has a sense of humour sometimes! Like most jokers, he enjoys pissing us off. Best to take in good spirits. Regards >W<
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