tumbled through the afternoons we opened to
the cool of evening's closings
the small bars and restaurants oozed content
and roast garlic
out across a bittersweet sauvignon sea
divided now by a dazzling trail
mellow brick road of a zillion flashing fish
narrowing to the horizon
which climbed
to claim a senescent sun
no longer able to outrun it
soon subdued
that drowning orb surrendered its hostages
and a billion stars smiled on dark waters
reunited
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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hey john
somthing about the roast garlic made me long for something tastier than big Mac and something about the Saauingnon sea made want to see a body of water other than the irragation ditch and its been awhile since i looked up at nite and saw stars...your imagary is killing me.
dave. Rewarded 6
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Wow! I never knew a sunset could carry so many fine images in its trail, mellow-yellow images floating on wine, garlic, fish, hostages of stars and dark waters - smiling, no less. Beautifully, lyrically done, John, "schism"ed through and to the max of a poet's boundaries.
After reading this hallucinogenic one right after your tripled-imaged Shark one, I now suspect you've been smoking wacky tobaccy again. Good for you, whether you are or not...
Cheers for two beauties in a row, even though your intricate, prolific lyricism has now depleted my interpretive powers for at least a full day. Damn you!!
Lad. Rewarded 8
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Meandering Along the Mellow Quick Slowed
We re not in Cannes anymore Toto. Au (rev)oir we?
Luverly piece this Windhover. As luverly an azimuth as could be penned by your loquacious quill. Line breaks and dearth of commas et al perfectly fit the form - so (here s the paltry quibble) why does "Tumbling" retain a senescent "T". Decapitalise say I. Off with its heading!
Great sense of wonderment beneath the starry firmament that compels a readers desire to follow the mellow brick road you inscribe.
(In my fantasy all the fish are sleek-finned sexy mermaids however.)
Cheers
gG
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this comment is better than my poem you bastard
Ha ha (or should that be ha ha) ! gG I laughed out loud at this comment. It's better than the poem! You are one smart bastard. I forgot how much I loved you, man! Off with its heading indeed. As you command, O Great One! 't has been decapitalitated. Au so glad to revoir yeu! 'ddoubleyeu'(>W<) -
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Yew art too kind, Lofty One.
I must however beg to differ. The inspiration for comments spewed is always of a higher pedigree. Cheers
gG
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