moving in this orbit
we go round in circles
and I feel my soul
sink inexorably towards
the black hole of your mood
and it's no good saying anything is right
it's not alright
for absolutely nothing can be right
no-one can make you look if there's no light
so you keep the curtains pulled.
Author notes
Main Entry: eosophobia
Part of Speech: n
Definition: a fear of dawn
Etymology: Greek eos 'dawn'
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Comments
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hmmm...
so i really like this poem, and i'll be honest that i dont really know why. i think i understand what it is saying, but i'm not sure (not your fault, i've just recently became interested in poetry). i think what i like best is the sort of nerdiness i get from it....idk. its nerdy cute in a dark way....hahah i dont know. i thnk the black hole is an awesome metaphor to choose. -
No one can make someone else "look if there's no light" inside the other person, and when he or she closes that curtain (just as the poem says) they "pull" it, deliberately, a willed action. I can hear the frustrated anger in this one, John, and I think it's a gem of a reaction to all that "circling", trying to DO or SAY something "right", soothe the other's black beast before the poet gets sucked in the maw too. But to no avail.
That "absolutely nothing can be right" is one of the bitingest lines I've seen you write. I get two meanings from it, and there's no question in my mind that subtle you intended there to be two:
1. Nothing the poet says to the other one can make "it" right; and
2. Sometimes, nothing, no thing, CAN be exactly right for the one addresssed in this poem, exactly what the other person wants: NO THING is just what he or she wants to wallow in.
Now, in my mind, that's a helluva fine line with its doubled meaning.
Not one unneeded word in this whole poem, W, and not one needed word is misplaced. It goes deep, and I felt it. Absolutely one of your best: few words, strong emotions, original sight into black.
Lad
Typos on both "its": should be "it's" - how's that for a responsible quibble? heh-heh and Cheers!. Rewarded 8
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He who points the finger...
Ay oop Lad, and cheers for once again 'nailing' the nuances of this one. Sometimes I wonder if I might not be the most guilty of the sins I accuse others of. I seem to be forever reproaching others about their refusal to see hope and opportunity. Self-sabotage is an incredibly strong and pervasive human activity. I see it so often in others and, as you detected, it maddens me. Which in turn suggests I may have a problem with that very thing. Not that the poem said so. Wish I was that clever! I sorted out the typos. Thanks Teach! xx >W<
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love it!
haven't been here in a while... almost forgot how much i like ur work, but this reminded me.... "no-one can make you look if there's no light" sadly, sometimes, noone can make u see even if there is light...
. Rewarded 4
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Thanks Zephra
Sorry I took so long to thank you for this comment Zephra. Nice to see your face in my place again. Welcome back. >W<
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hey john
i just came home from a writing bout and wrote a poem about blaming ones misfortune on the universe. loved the lines, its no good saying anything is right/its not alright. wonderfully bitter and true. the last 2 lines i don't quite get. why the hypen no-one.
dave. Rewarded 6
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You're psychic (or is that psychotic?)
Yo Dave. I put a note in about the definition of the title which may shed a little light here. Doesn't 'no-one' always have a hyphen? Glad you got that it's about blaming others for our shortcomings (among other things). That's definitely a major feature in the maddeningly frustrating behaviour of the subject here. I just wondered, re-reading it myself, how you picked up on that. Thanks for reading and commenting as always Professor. >W< -
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W
i'm defenitely pyschotic. if i where pyschic I'd have one of those hot-lines and earn a lot of money.
didnt know no-one is hypenated.
able to pick up theme of blame because mars is aligned with Jupiter.
dave
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"no-one can make you look if there's no light" good point. I like this terse little verse about a relationship at a stand off..........
. Rewarded 4
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Cheers Ladydwarf. Sometimes stand-offs will never be resolved because emotional blockages simply won't allow conciliatory information to get through. Thanks for commenting. >W<
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