Share Poetry Critiques Poetry       Forums       Freewrite       Store      

The Comic Fisherman

Fisted knots can’t hold them together,
these lines of thought
I brought to the sick green-blue.
If I could walk water
the swells would trip me—caught--
a ridiculous fish to rot or to stew,
twisted in oughts, in ought nots tethered,
tangled, bobbing, the sun smeared hot—
this all must really amuse You
to see this self-proclaimed scholar
in such a spot,
arms and toes poking through,
his certainties altogether
shot.

Please tell me what you think

Sorry, you cannot respond to an archived poem

Reviews


  • Windhover silver member
    November 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    The Old Man and the Sea-or-knot-to-see.


    Very tight indeed Brandon. Great play on words, especially the 'knot'thoughts . The rhyme was unobtrusive yet punchy - no mean feat!
    I'd have some reservations about the title. It seems more about the hapless fish than the Angler. Should I be 'getting' a 'Jesus the fisher of men' vibe? Might 'Fisher of Men' o/s work? Something different I feel anyway.
    Might you omit 'the' before 'sun smeared hot'?

    But all in all - very accomplished and polished on many levels. I enjoyed it. >W<


  • celestialpie gold member
    December 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Hey, Brandon. Nice to see you do humor. I get an additional kick out of this one, as "fisherman" immediately puts me in mind of Hemingway, with whom I have a love/hate relationship.

    I really like how you play with language here, the rapid-fire rhymes of thought-water-caught-rot-ought- hot-spot-shot makes this piece read fast-- so fast, you almost miss the self-deprecating tone that makes this unmistakably yours. Little clues like "sick green-blue" provide a nice contrast with an otherwise purely absurd situation.

    "Certainties altogether shot" is the only thing we can be absolutely certain will happen. Ever hear the expression, "announcing your plans is a good way to hear god laugh"?

    Cheers,
    Lauren


    • billbrando gold member
      December 30, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you, Lauren!

      For your comment. Why do you have a love/hate relationship with Papa Hemingway? What a great writer! The way he said volumes in a simple sentence. I suspect you have feminist issues with him, but, just like people have problems with Mark Twain using "nigger" in _Huck Finn_, we should be generous enough to take context and time into account when thinking about writers and their work.


      • celestialpie gold member
        December 30, 2007
        Edit | Reply
        Oh, you know it can't be as simple as the feminist thing. Of course I make concessions for time. I love his work, but something about him as a person stirs some weird primal opposition in me. Fortunately, I don't expect to meet him anytime soon.

        Lauren