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Creative Process

Ink on paper
The gentle light of the taper
Words scrawled in haste
By one considered half-caste
Empty to those unknown
But soul is shown
His shattered heart laid bare
Her wishes that he was there

And the ink continues to flow
Words of long ago
Fear, pain, and heartbreak
It's almost too much to take
A world full of dreams
A throat torn by screams
His heart begins to stir
He wishes he could comfort her

The clicking of the keys
Empty as the seven seas
But for one who knows how to look
And be emotionally shook
By how love truly conquers all
And we never truly fall
She knocks hesitantly
And is greeted passionately

He whispers softly
"I love you"

Author notes

This is one of my favorite poems that I have crafted.

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Comments


  • billbrando gold member
    January 5

    Edit | Reply

    I sometimes hit the random button

    on the bottom of the screen just to see what I find and here I find your work. What can I say? Your rhyme scheme is okay. It seems a little forced to me, as if the poet used the word not because it is the right one, but because it was the only one she/he could find to rhyme. Hell, I've done that myself.

    The title, "Creative Process," lacks lustre and doesn't really have much to do with the content of the poem. From what I can glean from what's written, this is some kind of forlorn lovers/forbidden lovers kind of thing, so I believe that the title should be more to do with the overall content of the piece. If you intended some other meaning, it isn't clear, at least not to me.

    I have to make this briefer than I usually would, so here it goes. You're using a lot of words but not really saying anything. In fact, you shouldn't be "saying" anything at all, you should be showing me how you feel. I don't get anything to bite into, anything sensual. Give me nouns and verbs, not adjectives and adverbs. Don't tell me how you feel, show me. Don't put the poem in service of rhyme or meter. Rhyme and meter are fine, just don't sacrifice emotional importance and meaning for it's sake. All I get here is an abstract "something" that anyone can experience, the way anyone can know what I mean when I say the word "car" but not know how it feels to drive this car, that smells like this, whose steering wheel is greasy from eating too many French fries, etc. Delve deeper, be bold.