How can there be so much fire without smoke?
Teach me
how a tight-rolled joint feels
when the smoker sucks his toke
hard and deep
choke on it bitch
now hitch that skirt up
high
My, my, my!
Such pretty bare thighs
and they're all mine!
Tingletouch of fingertip -
divine! -
sends shivershimmy up and down your spine
hardwired to standing nipple
hungry for flicker of tongue
and cool wet of Sauvignon wine
as yet unlicked
Pulsing pillows of your lovelips
thirst for my dick
surge between your hips
make your pelvis heave and dip
flimsy fabric
of tight pulled panties rip
Baby, when it boils like this
you take small sips
you can't just let it flow
Let's burn
together
slow
Author notes
This was written for a competition and had to incorporate specific vocabulary and parameters
In a list
Is it erotic or simply pornographic?
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Bold to say the least!
I definitly think it's erotic. I think of pornographic as more...I guess out in the open with it. I like the beginning wordplay and how the terms all the way down to choke on it bitch could have a double meaning. I think the reader has to decide for themselves what's really being said. I also liked your ending. Baby, when it boils like this you takes small sips you can't just let it flow. Let's burn together slow. To me that was a great way to say if the fire gets too hot too quickly it will burn up or out too fast. Paints a very vivid image no doubt.
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fucking awesom
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You must have written this at midnight after a long stiff drink. It's a tight lipped poem, very poingnant. Intrusively sexual in a most deviant way.
. Rewarded 4
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well for competition or not, I thought this was a good love poem. Racy, but truthful. And it wasn't dirty, just sensual and erotic, sexy. I thought you captured that really well. Love and sex does burn. Good use of the english language to describe a universal feeling that everybody hopefully has at least once in their lifetime. Good read for me, didn't find it pornographic. I think you walked that edge very nicely, you were walking on a razor there, and you pulled it off. Congrats. It's nice inspiration for me to see that people can walk that line and not become pornographic. Thank you for the read.
TTYL
MM
. Rewarded 8
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Thanks Marcus
Hi Marcus and thanks for commenting here. This stuff is a hard line to walk so it's nice to hear I got the balance about right. I figure erotic poetry is a lot more popular than we think, it's just mainly underground or private, perhaps with good reason. A certain frame of mind must be in place or be induced. Glad it worked here. Thanks again for the read and the feedback. >W<
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Just wanted to leave a note saying I came back today and read it again and well I loce it even more now thenwe fisrst did, LOL
Cin -
XXX
Wow, man! I almost expected to hear some of that old 1970's groove music in the background. Boing chica chica boing chica chick da da da dah!
Ummm, John, what competition were you entering, if I might ask?
I'm not going to say it's pornographic or erotic. It depends on one's perspective. As for my perspective, it's pretty x rated. I find the more erotic stuff is merely suggested, quietly teasing. It does take quite a set of balls to post this, though. So snaps to you there, hombre.. Rewarded 8
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hey W
this was so hot, my thermometer almost exploded. i think erotica is very difficult to write in poetry, a fine line between too bland or too porn. if this doesn't win the contest was fixed.
dave. Rewarded 4
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You have a temperature?
Yo Professor. What were you doing with your thermometer at the time and just how sick are you? Don't answer that. Thanks for commenting and for the support. I'll let you know if it wins. >W< -
You have a temperature?
Yo Professor. What were you doing with your thermometer at the time and just how sick are you? Don't answer that. Thanks for commenting and for the support. I'll let you know if it wins. >W<
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OK, so I had to wait until I got out of the cold shower first before commenting. That, and I had to drag my boyfriend back into bed for the afternoon.
I do so love to get to stay home over the holidays.
Personally, I would prefer not to hear my man say "choke on it bitch", but that's just me. I understand being hardwired as you described and I understand the "Sauvignon wine as yet unlicked" but I would prefer champagne. However, that's neither here nor there.
My favorite lines are 26 on, but it is confusing because I can't get the "Line Count" to turn on. HAHA...turn on. I'm counting the empty lines also.
I guess I haven't really answered your question, because there's a thin line between erotic and pornographic...just like there is a thin line between love and hate.
But then, what the hell do I know?
An ironic coincidence is that I wrote a piece called "Heartfire" and you found a way better picture than I did for it!!!
BB
. Rewarded 8
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Gratefully gratified
Hi BB. Tell your boyfriend I intend to send him a bill! What a great compliment for an erotic poem. Sorry about the 'choke on it bitch' thing and please believe I am anything but mysoginistic. A little 'role play' however, can spice things up in the bedroom very quickly. And the poem IS called 'Heat'. I agree with you about the champagne thing but it didn't fit my rhyme scheme! Have to say I have no idea which line you liked best or why. Do tell. In the meantime, I'm hugely gratified that you liked it and grateful that you said so. Thank You. >W< -
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No, THANK YOU
Well, as you know, I can't find the damn line counter thingy. So I started counting again, and now I've found additional lines to add to my favorite lines (it started out at Line 26 on...but has expanded):
Tingletouch of fingertip -
divine! -
sends shivershimmy up and down your spine
hardwired to standing nipple
hungry for flicker of tongue
and cool wet of Sauvignon wine
as yet unlicked
flimsy fabric
of tight pulled panties rip
Baby, when it boils like this
you take small sips
you can't just let it flow
Let's burn
together
slow
And I love to take it slow. These lines are written so well, that you can feel the tingletouch and shivershimmy (love those words). The other lines...how do I say this? Let me put it this way, they have been a reality vs. a fantasy.
You know, if I keep reading it, all of the lines will end up here.
Oh, and my boyfriend sends his profuse and heatfelt...I mean, heartfelt gratitude.
BB
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I just loved it.
Being that I enter a few contests/ write for them on AP, I do understand where you are coming from
To me it wasn't pornograhic and did indeed hold the erotic nature. Sex but a mystery to it with your language choice
I quite liked how you incorporated the theme of sex but also the joint/drug one too, and you did it very well
I appreciated the imagery in things like -- cool wet of sauvignon wine as yet unlicked and flimsy fabric of tight pulled panties rips.
It had all the right elements to me and I really really enjoyed the read
Happy New Year
Cindy
. Rewarded 8
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Madame Cyn ?
Hi Cindy(Licious?- could it be I'm having a bad influence around here? ha ha) I could have no greater compliment than your obvious enthusiasm for the poem. I must admit I was nervous about posting it but I always say, if it connects with yourself it will surely 'connect' with others out there. I personally think we are all still very uptight about the issue of sexuality and the poets have a responsibility here much as they do with say, political issues. But mainly I just like writing something horny every once in a while! With all this encouragement I may write some more! Many thanks for reading, commenting and encouraging. >W<
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A
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Result!
Awesome is quite a result! Thank you for liking my rather dodgey poem and for saying so. My best to you and Seasons Greetings >W<
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usually do not like poetry like this because it is not well done..this is awesome! congrats!
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Hey, Johnny, I had a hunch this hot stuff was in ya, but now I know. Nice technique, linguistically and sexually, and they both come together (pun intended) "slow".
Erotic or porno? Both, I think. Any detailed and realistic and "heat"ed description of a get-down event like this is, in my book, automatically pornographic, and so much the better for it. What tips the scale from erotic to porn is that "choke on it bitch" - lovelessly animal, standard and macho fare in hardcore skinflicks, and the rest of this action poem confirms that scenario.
The first stanza is pretty nifty, blending a grass joint with a fleshy one, and it's tied up sharp with that "burn" at the end. Lots of neat slipped-in rhymes in the whole poem, too, but my favorites have to be all those "...ips" and "...ics" in the "Pulsing" stanza - just the right sound for all those nifty testosteronic ickies rushing to the edge of a cliff.
In the 3rd stanza, I didn't see a clear poetic need for "Sauvignon wine", but what the hell, I got the feel of it, and I think that feel is what the poem is all about. Enjoyable read for me, and an obviously enjoyable lay for the poet.
Lad. Rewarded 8
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An Experiment in Erotica
Ay oop, Lad, we Irish are all very sexy people! Thank you for wading through this highly explicit tat and for commenting so thoughtfully. Don't know where I found the nerve to post it - a little too much Christmas courage perhaps. But I do think we poets have a duty to experiment with erotica and its boundaries. I have written stuff like this for private consumption many times. This one is a literary excercise only and I'm curious to see if it works for an 'unwarmed' audience or or not. If it read like 'an enjoyable lay for the poet' then I think I got at least something right. Thanks for reading and commenting as always. More Seasons Greetings to you. >W<
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