Awake
still
half asleep
I dream you next to me
in the night wild
stirring deep
burning dark
with heart pounding
quiet
a hunter creeps.
I am
his spear
held
poised, balanced, true,
aimed
at you
I am a thousand knives
ready to slash and cut
those briars from Beauty’s bower
in the deepening dark hours
I am become
the weapon wounded and
broken
on your softness
In a list
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Great one.
Great.I found it passionate, true ,straiight to the point.I found it sensual , provoquing...The resut it is a great poem.
Magnificent.
regrds Ludmila607
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Hi Ludmilla
Thank you as always for reading my work and for your effusive compliments, Ludmilla. I am humbly grateful. >W<
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How is it that the winter...
...not the spring brings out the erotic? The dark imagination and the human need make themselves felt through the long nights... very tender, as Margaret says, but also masculine and potent. Best RA -
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Thanks Alex
Cheers Alex. 'Masculine and potent' will dae mee fine !
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I am so glad Cindy sent me the link to your poem. This is amazing in its simplicity and yet says so much to me. There is a tender beauty about the words but also an underlying touch of something I can't quite define...almost a feeling of the savage. You have a wonderful flow to your thoughts and I congratulate you on the way you wrapped everything in a veil of intimate sensuality. This is not always the easiest genre to write but you have accomplished it with an elegance to be envied.
Margaret
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Thank You Margaret
Hi Margaret and thank you for reading and commenting for me. Your remarks, particularly those about the 'touch of the savage', are hugely welcome. Erotica should always feel a little dangerous, I believe. Your eloquence adds value to much prized critique. I thank you for it once more and I thank Cindy for the endoresement.
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I tried to comment on this poem a couple of times, but there’s something about it that does leave you speechless. I can’t pick a favorite line or verse because I love every word. It’s the kind of poetry that is not about words but feelings….you just sit here and feel it. It’s soft, romantic, gentle, dreamy, tender, full of desire. It pulls on you like a lover saying, “come to me.” I understand longing…dreaming someone next to me…what a magnet desire is. The third verse is easily the most erotic but lovingly so. The verse about Beauty reminds me of Sleeping Beauty with her Prince Charming slashing and cutting his way through the thicket and briars to get to her. And the last verse gives you the feeling of an acceptance of despair as you lie awake, alone and wanting…broken on her softness. That’s beautiful. Your talent blows me away. I really love this – great piece of writing.
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A Warm Glow
To simply say 'thank you' for such a glowing comment is not enough. As poets we 'reach' for the words that stir us a certain way and hope they will find a receiver out there in the cosmos, tuned to our particular wavelength. If there is no contact there is no poetry. That you 'got' just about every nuance of this is gratifying to the point of smugness (for which I immediately apologize) but no poet could read such praise and not feel a warm glow. Thank you BB. >W<
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Three forces at work...
As I see it John. The dark destroyer, evil - the physical implementer of that dark force - and beauty/love and its power of resistance. Not so erotic, but incisive in its simplicity and minimalism. Lately all of the pieces of yours I've seen have been honing that brief insightful word combination. Well done, MJ. Rewarded 6
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Just words
Thanks Richard for reading so carefully and commenting. I hadn't intended any discussion of good and evil but there must always be a certain darkness about desire. I'm very gratified you noticed the work on word combinations - it's all about the words after all.
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I am speechless, I have to collect my thoughts..............................................................................................................
Okay first and formost I have not and I mean I have not read something this awesome in quite a while
Absolutely every word blew me away.
I read it out-loud and then I went back and did it another two times becuase it just read perfectly, so smoothly.
How you have sex in this piece coming through with your creative wording and imagery is to me just simple brilliance
I write erotica but I cannot hide the erotica in the words like you can.
So in conclusion I obviously think you did an amazing job with this piece and I throughly ejoyed the read
lol
Cindy
. Rewarded 8
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Hi Cindy
Wow. What can I say except thanks a million for the glowing endorsement . Erotica is always a particularly tricky line to walk and reading it can be like watching a tightrope walk - tense but not too enjoyable. So thanks for enjoying here. 'Hiding' the words is not always absolutely desirable in these matters but I think it worked here, and thanks for saying so. I see little enough 'erotica' around so do please direct me towards some of your writes. My Best to you and thanks again. >W< -
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Hi Cindy
Hi WH
Again coming back to this reply and th epoem's page, I read it again and I loved it even more LOL
Some like erotica that is sensual and somewhat only just there within the words. Others like the full on XXX, porm like erotica.
Me personally, I prefer, sensuality through the writing of sex and maybe even giving it some mystery but definetly giving it beauty
I have written the extreme side erotica and trust me it is so so so very hard to do lol. But thats exactly whay I am glad I did, as I have grown my skills so very much
I do wish I saw my erotic writes myself, becuase most are not distasteful
Allpoetry has quite a few erotica writers on it and they have some steaming HOTT skills
So anyway some of mine to refer you to would be --
these are the more sensual loving ones
I succumb
In the dark of the night
Passionate seduction
I need you need, we all need.
Poolside affairs
and the more so full on ones are
We met on the dance floor
The whore in the Alley
F@@K me with your tongue
He did, She did
The sins of you and I Part one and Part Two
Tonight she will be mine.
If any of them aren't on here then they are on AllPoetry
So yeah have a read, take an adventure in the world of erotica.
I love to write it. It is somehow just a whole-nother kind of release
Hope you enjoy, like I did yours WH
Cindy
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Right off the bat, John, my first impulse is to praise this one no end: if that great, old 4-letter word can be sublimely re-worded, it's just happened here. I can practically see the poet's dreamed drive for erotic connection in it, and I have a strong hunch that this one came bubbling up from a cave of desire, wanting, needing, hunting in and for that Night Wild. The sexual overtones are subtle and upfront at the same time; nice work, because, I agree, that's exactly the paradox that erotic desire is: "stirring, burning, aimed, wounded, broken" in the act of possession. This is hot stuff! And it doesn't babble; it aims and strikes with precision. Now, that's refreshing when so much poetry these days is way too overloaded with modifiers and mollifiers, gasps and tears.
As to that 4th stanza, well, I think it's one of the most purely poetic stanzas I've seen you write in any of your work; dynamite: "I am a thousand knives / ready to slash and cut / those briars from Beauty's bower..." And all those final "b"s are perfect for a mouth hungrily bubbling with saliva.
In me 'umble opinion, W, this is absolutely one of your best ever, you charging yet vulnerable loverman, you. Is this the happy result of going stir-crazy on that lovely but little island? Ha.
Lad. Rewarded 8
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Thanks Lad
Thanks as always for your considered and extensive comment here Lad. To read such effusive praise from one as respected as yourself about a poem I had more than a few reservations about is gratifying indeed. And it seems your sentiments are echoed elsewhere here which fuels Erotica is tricky subject but one I have more than a passing interest in as you have probably noticed. The poem was inspired initially by the notion that a spear is at once a deadly weapon and a rather elegant and fragile implement. To some extent, the love suitor is always putting his neck on the line when he makes his advances. Indeed this was originally entitled 'spear' and the image came from googling that word (it's by Steven Spielberg would you believe). It Has been edited and refined more than many of my poems and that seems to have paid dividends. But I never expected quite such a positive reaction. I'm just very glad to have it. Thank you once again. >W<
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