The month closes down upon itself
redeeming everything else
simply by being over
Safety stomps straight into danger
accompanied by righteous anger
One dimly lit soft step
one blackened spite confessed
territory renowned
for history uncrowned
The new month draws its breath
ready to refresh
simply by beginning
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Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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LOVE IT!
This is amazingly awesome. I just love your language and overall flow. This is great because the message is clear and it kinda makes me sit back and think aobu things I bit.
Nicely done,
Ashley
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I like the way you personify each month...
giving both a personality. Also the way you came full circle: " redeming everything else / simply by being over." to the ending: "ready to refresh / simply by beginning." I had some trouble with the syntax in stanza 3, not quite sure what you're getting at there. But overall, clear and refreshing read. Cheers, MJ. Rewarded 6
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In every ending there's a beginning, and I think you've poetized that notion so well here, Bluebird, that it got into my feelings. I believe it did that because it blended a seasonal time with the seasons of the heart: one month into another, one mood into another - one person is courageous enough to confess a spite or a resentment to another person - old historical "territory" in any relationship. But in that giving there is a "new month", a refreshed "beginning."
The poem is briefly worded but loaded with implications for the give and take of months into months and anger into a "soft step" of reconciliation. Nice work for me to think about. And that line: "One dimly lit soft step" is terrific with its steady beats like hesitant footsteps into another's turf in order to make amends. Hope I'm not misinterpreting, but even if I am, that line really speaks to me as I sense it.
One of your best poems, B, in my opinion. It has both disciplined writing and a truthful heart.
Later...
Lad. Rewarded 8
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You Got It
Hey Lad, I know it's taken me forever to respond to your comment and I do apologize. The All Poetry site seems to be giving my computer fits lately.
Your comment was so insightful. I'd like to think it's because my poem revealed itself to you word by word, but I think your abilities may have more to do with that than mine.
The last line of your comment was the ultimate compliment as far as I'm concerned. Thanks, Bluebird
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Hello there Bluebird
Quite an interesting read this is
A smaller amount of words used to get the poem across and it worked well to me.
I loved these lines --
Safety stomps straight into danger
accompanied by righteous anger
Such strong imagery by with that anger you wrote in
A lot fo people choose to not use punctuation in poetry and it is perfectly acceptable to me...but in saying that I am of the school where in poetry it also has a place..so have to be honest and say I am torn and think this would feel whole with punctuation in place...but of course is only my humble opinion
That is my only pick at your poem..To me every other angle of it is perfect
Great rhythm-flow, perfect language choice for what your saying and great imagery coming through to me the reader
A great poem, in other words, lol
Cindy
. Rewarded 8
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Thanks
Thank you so much for your comment, Cin. It's interesting that you bring up punctuation since I am usually pretty picky about that. Guess I wasn't paying attention this time. I'll take a look at that.
But I'm so glad that didn't get in the way of your enjoyment and understanding of the poem.
Thanks again for you comment. Bluebird
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