Needles of sunbeams through my window
igniting the soul, lighting one's pillow
Extending my torso
the walking sticks quake
the conscious decision to fluctuate
A beautiful nature saturates outside
senses stoned, imagination's high
Cannot explain
Nor reason why
why do we ever have to say goodbye?
In the forest of green
with all the dying trees
I scream
Inherent comfort there
within the cycle, they share
Go inside
love is free
loggers have to let it be
Waves dissolve upon the shore
infinitely searching, wanting more
Reaching out
fondling the sand
steals grain by grain from our land.
A million laughs float in the air tonight
assassinating pain, feeling's divine
Cannot explain
Nor Justify
why do we always have to say goodbye?
Stars of night scintillate, flaming arrows
singing songs of beauty, war cries of peril
Thunderclap pounds
lightning strikes
Breaking the silence that was the night
close my eyes to look inside
more I look
less I find
Cannot explain
won't even try
After tonight I can say goodbye.
Author notes
just a way of saying goodbye to the beautiful nature in this world that we as human's are destroying, our forests, the ocean, lakes, ozone, etc...
In a list
Please leave a comment stating what you think, constructive criticism or not, something to improve on?
Comments
1 - 34 of 34
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Engaging
It seems a well opened window peering into the mind of a multi task oriented person who is focusing their stream of conscious behavior into a solid thought. Fun and interesting. =D
. Rewarded 4
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thank you
well it seems that you got the ethereal part of the poem that was sent out there when I put these words together to form the poem they are today. Thank you for your understanding, your time to read and comment, and your for your kind words. Hope to hear from you soon, and as always I'll be looking into some of your work. Thank you again for stoppin by.
TTYL
MM
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Marcus - The opening of this gives me a strong sense of otherworldliness, almost underwater, slow motion movements.
I like the lines in their fragmentary state, keeps the reader moving along, almost like listing the transgressions and different conditions of the earth.
Only thing that threw me was the use of 'loggers' for some reason it didn't seem to fit well with the rest of the lines, maybe it's because the term is too 'real' and you need something like "butchers' or 'destroyers' there which are less specific. Save the Planet - Vote for No Government! Cheers - MJ. Rewarded 8
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hey MJ
Thanks for taking the time to comment and read, I agree with your suggestion about the loggers, I never thought of the poem being otherworldly, but I sure do like that it can be percieved as both. Gives the poem more depth. I like your suggestion and will take the time to find a good monsterly word for these evildoers. And yes we must create anarchy!! NO GOVERNMENT!! LoL ANTI-GOV'T POEMS FOR EVERYBODY!!!
TTYL
MM
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Inciting needles indeed
You seem to have the way with words..I liked the phrase "needles of sunbeams"..very raw and potent yet poetic..thats such a beautiful combination..Very inciting start that makes the reader snoop in the lines further..Me being the lover of nature myself feel so helpless at the sight of cutting down trees..When there are people tremendously following the regime of planting trees everywhere, there are on the otherside chopping it off thats so pathetic..Guess one needs to proactively plunge in and take the lead and then hope for the rest to follow..I liked every line of your poem except for the title..Be it me, I would have said "never say good bye" to nature, authoritative though
Thanks for sharing and keep writing, its inspiring
. Rewarded 8
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Hey RD
Thank you so very much for your kind and thoughtful comment. I am very glad to hear that you liked the poem and glad that you agree with the message within. I thank you again for your praise, you definately give me too much credit for my ability to write. I feel I still have a long long way to go before I can match the pedigree of some of the poets on this site. I am very grateful you think highly of the poem and look forward to hearing from you again in the near future. I for sure will be looking into some more of your poetry and I'll leave my opinions in the comment box of course. Hope to hear from ya soon. Thanks again, I always appreciate the encouragement and support to keep writing as I'm often doubtful of most of my writings.
TTYL
MM
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let me just say...total overload. :)
not your poem, marcus, but me...see, i just spent the whole day writing web content articles that were just draining the life out of me...so, i took a bit of a break and visited SP...i wanted to read something light that would lift my spirits (and my brain)...but then, i saw your poem and i said to my self, "hey, i haven't read one of marcus' poems in a while, so how i about i read one now..." and i did...
the first two lines got me hooked and as i read line after line (i couldn't stop)...i realized that this wasn't the light read that i was hoping for...in fact, it is one great poem that i would have to read again and again for the sheer excellence of feelings that it harbors...the words that you used here just made the poem so great that i almost cried...whew! so, you see? total overload...my poor brain didn't know what hit it...my spirits don't know how to feel...so, here i am rambling on and on...not knowing if i'm making sense...
can i just sum everything up with applause?
. Rewarded 8
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hey leigh
WoW! Almost got ya to cry LoL Well I must have done something right in writing this piece. I am very pleased that you liked it. I was going through my poems and this is one of my earlier ones that I posted here and nobody had really commented on it and I thought it to be up to par with the rest of my writings as of recent so I put a feature on it and the feedback I've been getting sofar has been really positive, which is alot more than I ever expected. I was hoping for a couple nice comments of course but nothing to the effect of what you and others have said. I am glad that the poem reached you in some way and that you were able to connect with my words. That is one of the reasons we write is it not? To connect with others through our words and to reveal our pain and express feelings that we would not otherwise be able to express without punishment or repercussions. LoL okay now I'm rambling. And as for you saying that you're rambling on in your comment, that is perfectly okay with me. I like long comments, always good reading, especially from a warm soul like yourself. So from now on feel free to write a book if needed LoL Always A pleasure to hear from you Leigh. I hope to hear from you again soon and as I said, I'll be looking for some new poetry. I myself havent been in the writing mood but am trying to find inspiration. It's hard when in your mind you think that your MUSE has left you, when really it's just lost for now. It will come back, it always does.
TTYL
MM
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creative yet true
I like it alot. What you said was all very true, the way you worded it all was quite amazing. Its compelling, I just had to read it all, I couldn't quit. The meaning in it is hard to find which I think is a good thing. Your an amazing writter keep it up.
. Rewarded 4
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hey der
my lady friend. I am pleased to hear that you liked the poem, thank you for such kind words. I'm very thankful for you taking the time to read the poem and even more thankful for you taking your time to leave a comment. Always appreciated as I'm sure you know how nice it is to recieve something, anything, about your work. So to recieve such a lovely comment has brightened up my morning. I'm honored that you think that I'm an amazing writer, I personally think I have a long ways to go yet. But I certainly appreciate the compliment. Thank you very much. I hope to hear from you again soon, and as always I hope to hear that you've posted some new poetry, as I'm always looking to read some good poetry, especially poetry that comes from people I consider my friends or that have a certain talent that I admire. Hope to hear from you again soon and thank you again.
TTYL
MM
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Again you have a way of opening our eyes to the destruction of our planet.
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I liked it alot. It was a good poem
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I cant beleive you are 22
I read this poem, and some of your others, and i have to tell you that this Does stand out on its own. It is not as if it comes from a high school poetry class. I am much older than you, and judging solely from your writings and your profile content i thought you were at least my age if not older. you have a certain wisdom about you, and i think once you get my age, you will be a force to be reckoned with in the realm of writing, i actually think you are right now. Have you ever heard someone say you are an old soul, well you my friend are an old soul, and you write as if you have lived past your 22 years of life. Keep going... you can only experience, and learn more, and from that, comes more material. Hats off to you!
. Rewarded 8
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heylo Ginger
I have to thank you for giving me such praise and leaving such kind words in your comment. I am pleased to hear that you enjoyed the poem and it's message that I wanted to deliver. Thank you for all compliments included in your comment. You are the first to tell me that I have an old soul.I've heard the expression before, just never towards me. Thank you very much for believing so. By this time I have visited your site and read some of your poetry and I have to say that I am a fan already. You definately have a very creative and beautiful way of expressing yourself without getting caught up in one tool or the other that we use when we write a poem. You have a poetic maturity about you that is exciting. Thank you again for commenting on my poem and bringing my attention to you and your poetry. Thanks again for everything. Hope to hear from you soon.
TTYL
MM
P.S. Oh yea, I meant to tell you this a long time ago, if that is a picture of yourself, then you are very beautiful and I love the idea of taking the picture from the side. Very interesting and unique, Compelling to say the least, definately makes on wonder what other talents you have and where you could go creatively with your writing. Continue to write if it pleases you, I know you said you once wrote alot when you were a teenager. I know you haven't lost that touch b/c you write very well. Sorry this is getting long, IDK if you enjoy long comments or short ones yet, But I prefer the longer ones if there's interesting content of course, I find most people's babbles to be rather interesting and enjoyable. LoL Sorry I'm continuing. Cya
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Unwarranted Greed
Things you have
That you don't need
But still you seek
To feed your greed
That junk because
Your peers possess
Indispensable
So You obsess
Or just so that
You can rave
Things they don't have
You hunt and crave
Needs driven by
One-upmanship
Momentarily by
What's seen as hep
Your desires drain
Someone out there
Of what's really theirs
But do you care?
A kid who slogs
To make your jeans
For the lack of water
The slums unclean
The uprooted trees
So you can print your mails
A carbon roof built
Of your car exhales
But you know all this
These cliches you've heard
You deem the doomsayers
An alarmist herd
Not worth listening
So you drive down
To the mall
And the latest brown
Shades you buy
To stay in style
And heighten your sins
Overflowing pile.
- HM -
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hey HM
this is a very fine poem and I would post it. It shares a great message and your points in the poem have merit. This is a good piece that could easily inspire people to take some steps, even if small, to upgrading their lives to better fit the needs of our planet. A very fine write with great rhythm and flow. Congrats and thank you for sharing this exclusive piece with me. Much appreciated. Have a good one my friend.
TTYL
MM
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Oh My God!! THis is one of the best poems that I have read here... which are a lot of poems, believe me!
This is moving. This is sad. This is angry. And it captures all the emotions of someone who is being pillaged and someone who is watching someone else being pillaged.
I just loved every word here.
Keep writing. Rewarded 6
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Hey HS
First off I'd like to thank you for such praise, very encouraging and motivating for a conflicted writer such as myself. I say conflicted b/c IDK if my poetry stands by itself or is just thrown into the category of high school poetry classes LoL, no offense to any of those people...it just isnt taken seriously in the real/big world of contemperary poetry. So it's good to hear that you enjoyed this poem so. I'm glad that there are people out there who share the same belief of trying to preserve the world and that our efforts as of now are not nearly enough. I think we're moving in the right direction, but there isn't enough people moving that way, I will admit it's sometimes very expensive, but then it's also cheaper in many ways as well. But thank you so much for your comment, you hit the nail on the head. Couldn't have explained it as well as you did if I wanted to LoL. Have a good one and hope to hear from ya soon.
TTYL
MM
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I get what you mean!
You know what... I wrote a poem myself... called "unwarranted greed" it was a quick write and not poetry for poetry's sake really. But just something I wrote out of frustration and anger caused by something which showcased how we simply abuse what God has to offer to us. And precisely because i am too numbed of hearing that it's too out-of-fashion to protest against all the wrong doings that we all indulge in... I did not post it here. Will send it to u as a comment.
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A well written poem on a subject that we should worry about more. It took a little to get the flow, I found it a little akward on the lines:
'In the forest of green
I scream'
But apart from that I think it's great, and I think you have put the message across quite well.
. Rewarded 6
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hey Robin
Thanks for stopping by to read and comment on my poem, much appreciated. I'm glad that you liked it and it's definately different from other poems I have written in the sense of the form. Most of my poems have an easy to spot, RIGHT IN YOUR FACE type of flow, this one is a little hidden and ya kinda have to work for it like ya said, but once you find it, it works well. But that's just my "the author LoL"'s opinion. so it doesnt count. on the line you were confused about I believe that you read it wrong or typed it wrong on my comment box b/c you left a line out lol.
"In the forest of green
with all the dying trees
I scream"
What I was talking about there is the loggers cutting down all of the forests for industry purposes, ruining our paradises for condos and parking lots for fast food joints, stupidity. It's actually one of my favorite lines in the poem B/c trees obviously cannot scream. Well thanks again for everything and hope to hear from ya again soon.
TTYL
MM
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Great Conservation Piece!
the very two lines just captivated me! Needles of sunbeams! ive never thought of it that way! when it open up, i can close my eyes and see myself in a ocean front home, just waking up and see outside how beautiful everything was meant to be, and then it changed into a horrible wasteland. i'm doing my part to conserve, because we are truly taking advantage of our beautiful world
. Rewarded 6
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heylo Grace
Hello and thanks so very much for stopping by to read and even more for the time to leave a comment. Always appreciated. You got the heart and message within this poem, though it's pretty obvious it's about saving the planet or at least slowing its destruction. I'm just glad that it hasnt come off as preachy to anybody. Which is not what I wanted. The idea started kind of like the picture you describe, just everything beautiful. I wanted there to be three different parts, each one representing morning, afternoon, and of course the night. I'm glad that you enjoyed the poem. Thanks again for stopping by. Hope to hear from ya again.
TTYL
MM
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The cycle of life is thus and you haven woken some of us up to the fact that we need to preserve nature.One is always nearer to God in a garden.So maybe we can start with a small garden or plant something to please our eye.This is a poem that jolts one out of a reverie.Wonderful expression and a good style.
. Rewarded 6
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Hey Blazin
Thank you so very much for your kind words, your time to actually read and evaluate the poem, always appreciated and means alot to me. Life has supplied us with so many beautiful things in the world and we have these wonderfully magical and beautiful wonders of man and nature, like the Grand Canyon, Stonehenge, The Great Pyramids, the latter two being built by man but still the same idea is there, ALL will be gone if we don't work together. A garden is a great start for anybody. thanks again. Hope to hear from ya soon.
TTYL
MM
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great poem
there was alot of rhyming so it made it easy to follow -
To me this is a very profound and great poem Marcus.
You point out all those careless destructions in this world and the power of thunder wakes us up to keep thinking about it all. At the same time there is a shy and gleaming hope that we still might miss killing some part of nature which can recover then and rebuild what gives the world for our next generations. Screams and pleas are replaced by laughter and songs and all the poem is leaving a balance to our mother nature as well as to our own life. Therefore it is a rich poem, teaching by showing and we know that after each (our) good bye, something continues always and forever.
May we take the pointer serious and do alter something, at the same time may the hope bear fruit and we convince the world that nothing is done in vain.
I'm too much a beginner with poetry myself to comment in any constructive way and there is nothing to ever criticize but I enjoyed and appreciated this poem, thank you. Ulla xx -
Hey MM
whats up man? I saw this one as a bright rainy day kind of poem. There was all the beautiful images or imagery but there was still an inner darkness within this poem marcus. I think its the slight realization that we are killing ourselves for our own comfort. at least the future generations are screwed I mean. I thought this was a good cry for help in a time when everybody seems to be talking but nobody's listening. Or maybe theyre listening but not paying attention. Good and unique way to grab the attention of the reader.
Peace out
Jay
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This has a great message within. Its unfortunate whats become of this planet and whats yet to come, all for the comfort of one species over millions of others.
You used some beautiful imagery and I loved the flow of the poem. Very good job
-Roísín Dubh
. Rewarded 6
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I felt like this was a beautiful card that your sending to mother earth, saying goodbye. It's very vivid imagery had me caught up inside this poem. There was just enough mention of the self destruction we as humans are causing, I think that mixed with all the beauty make for great duality, we want to have paper, we want to use microwaves, we want to use blowdryer's. I like it even more b/c everybody in the world can relate to this. Very hard to do and very nicely done!
Sherry
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I enjoyed all these thoughts here you have shared, we as humans are destroying our earth, sadly.
I felt a nice flow to this but mostly just was taken by each line, each stazna.
Well done & thanks for sharing something important
Cindy -
I enjoyed all these thoughts here you have shared, we as humans are destroying our earth, sadly.
I felt a nice flow to this but mostly just was taken by each line, each stazna.
Well done & thanks for sharing something important
Cindy -
Hi, marcus. I like the short bursts of thought in this one, sort-of half-sentences of the poet's feelings about the beauty of what he sees and experiences. And those two contraries of loggers and "war's peril" are just enough to set up the conflict between nature's loveliness and humanity's endless childishness in destroying it.
"Cannot explain..." is a strong, though brief, line among many. It says that all the destructiveness of such wondrous beauty is a mystery, the mystery of the human desire to possess and plunder. So, despite the poem's vividly tender images, I read it all as a dark meditation, a sorrowful acceptance of the way things are on this planet. For that, I like the poem. In my humble opinion, this one of yours is the strongest so far. Just a thought: in the final stanza, you might want to consider removing "the", resulting in:
more I look
less I find
Doing that would fit in more, I think, with the rest of the poem's style of pieces of thought.
Good poem, marcus. I enjoyed it.
Lad. Rewarded 8
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Hello Lad, I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I appreciate your thoughts and advice, I can see now what you're talking about with the last stanza, its not sporadic enough. I too think this is one of my best, It's been sitting in a notebook for two years, but I reworded some of it to update it to where I am now in life intelectually. But again thank you, always good to hear from ya Lad! And I will be making that change.
MM
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