With how bold an act, Oh Lady, you broke the rule
so adamantly, and with no fear in your eyes
what, might it be your innocence about stern canon
that crafty beast his moving tongue aimed at?
Crimson sweet, the taste of penalty lured you?
Overt, thus that untainted heart is flawed
violated law froze the land, life and blood
earth, brooks, birds, trees and all stood still.
The Hallowed Arbiter marked your naïveté
denied eternal stay on cloud nine fast
fatality, what you, me and they bind to,
was the signpost kept at each man’s end.
The first ever sin you committed then
later blessed us with fully regained heaven.
Author notes
Picture Inspired - First version - will edit it when find enough time
Picture Credit : Courtney Saunders-Promise Me - www.deviantart.com
In a list
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
-
I've often thought...
how unfair it is that Eve got so much of the blame for the serpent's act, if God made her surely he knew what he was doing when he set her up like this? I like how you finish this: the sin "later blessed up with fully regained heaven." A really nice chunk too:
"froze the land, life and blood
earth, brooks, birds, trees and all stood still."
Nice one. Best RA
-
wow very nicly written
i cant write like that..so many different words there...I didnt understand the whole poem but i loved it anyway x
. Rewarded 4
-
Touche...
I'm not sure what this is about, seems it comes from days of legend and myth, Arthur and such. "Hallowed arbiter" strikes me as a spiritual being. "Crafty beast" something like the devil. I get the impression that the character is some sort of fallen angel. Sorry I'm not totally connecting. I do have a few suggestions about the form of it. 1st line - 'With how bold (an) act,' 2nd line - '...with no fear in (your) eyes...' 4th line - 'That crafty beast took close aim at with moving tongue.' and in the last line '...later blessed us with (fully) regained heaven.' I noticed the unevenness of the meter in those lines and these are suggestions to even them out. Other than that it reads well, good flow and rhythm. Who is the lady and what act did she break, knowing those two things might explain more about it. Cheers, MJ. Rewarded 8
-
Eve as the first feminist, now thats a thought... i loved this piece, the comment before hit the nail on the head,it is fluid from start to finish. "Crimson sweet, the taste of penalty lured you?" the anormity of presenting this as a question proves very interesting. Was Eve trully lured, or did she know exactly what she was doing; an act of feminism
.
. Rewarded 6
-
The tale of Eve, so often told, but usually not with this fresh insight and the fluidity of language. I liked this very much. The fact that Eve is being portrayed as a bad girl who acted out against the Hallowed Arbiter's direction. I think Eve is either the first feminist who acted boldly despite God and man's instructions (the male oligarchy) or a naive woman whose curiousity was piqued by a cunning serpent.
Both I think are captured here in this poem. My only gripe which it isnt really is that I did not understand the last line. Was that a reference to a woman, Mary, being a gateway to heaven through Jesus or something else entirely. Bold and well written.
. Rewarded 8
-
hey
well it didn't take me long to read this poem, but it sure did take me a long time to understand what it meant. MAN lol. lots of big words in there, you're obviously very smart. But that doesn't make the poetry, But i've read other poems by you and you obviously know what youre doin. After goin through a dictionary and many readings I finally understood what you were saying. I like the way everything was written. flowed very well with it all in one big stanza.
peace
jay
. Rewarded 8
-
Nice !!!
Rather interesting topic really. I haven't read much poetry on 'Eve' and now when i did, it felt new and refreshing. I myself dont think its all that wordy. Just about enough, and to be honest rather perfect. There does seem to be a little obstruction of flow but i can't make out exactly where. Over all a very good, grappling & intense piece of poetry.
Abhi. Rewarded 6
-
I thought it got a bit too wordy in between. I found a bit difficult to read Kiddy. But i must say you attempted a singularly difficult topic. I don't know what you think about Eve or have a strong disposition on the topic. Maybe you have read about her. I just have a fleeting knowledge and don't find poetry about Eve too appealing. But it's interesting to note that you did not have any such hang ups.
And nice picture btw... so u surf around on deviant art too?
You do have an artistic inclination don't you.
. Rewarded 8
-
Gorgeous Theme
Our Mother did not do anything against Her nature; there is a providence for to err is human, we do not lament on the sin of cherishing the forbidden fruit but over the punishment inflicted upon us; it is too hard. Nice poem with nice theme and most of all brevity is the soul of wit.
Much love and Regards
Muhammad shanazar -
You are taking me back to Milton's chapters.
Different diction to talk about the olden theme. Your style is so majestic, I would call it lofty.
the first line reminds me of some great sonnet of 16th C, I bet, you have been inspired by some great sonnet or poem of that time.
-
-
Any idea to concentrate on your Milton Chapter's...? You can take this as reference and quote the same in your exam papers..LOLs
Thank You..
-
-
Well written,
The apple of knowledge. To some, a sin. To others a curse or a blessing. I personally don’t take the Bible literally but figuratively. So maybe the apple represents conciseness and then we are gifted and cursed with this knowledge. To know we exist and all that it entails.
Maybe a typo in the first stanza, the “how” in “With how bold act” is probably meant to be “one”.
Very interesting read. I enjoyed a lot
Bill
. Rewarded 8
-
I thought you really captured what eve was all about...free choice and will. and the semi-sonnet form with mixed rhymed made for a very original form. "the first ever sin you committed then later blessed us" good stuff!
TTYL
MM
. Rewarded 4
-
I felt chills
when I read this poem. The last two lines really captured what very few people see: "The first ever sin you committed then / later blessed us with the regained heaven." It just thrilled me!
Very nicely done. I loved it, and I'll have to read more of your poetry.
-
YES!
"the first ever sin you committed then later blessed us with the regained heaven."
great imagery and reference
you have done very very well with this poe
. Rewarded 4
-
There's a whole theological drama in this one, Kiddy, and it's very appealing to me, especially how you executed it in a modified sonnet form with its strong, rhymed final couplet. Nice work for me to take in.
I understand a "canon" as a set of rules, a fixed protocol, or doctrines, but I couldn't make sense of it in "in fearing canon", but that's a minor glitch for me in this highly imaginative meditation on Eve's choices, and on her independent and gutsy decision. And the poem deepens even further with its images of how she affected our lives, nature, even the whole universe of bads and goods.
The Christian medieval monks spoke and sang often about Eve's "felix culpa", her "blessed sin", bringing us grief but also a redeeming Savior, and your poem pulls all of that belief into itself with skill. I enjoyed this a lot.
Later,
Lad. Rewarded 8
-
An interesting take on Eve.
I like how this exonerates Eve in the eventual wisdom of her most necessary choice. That choice set in motion the same in others and ushered in the beauty of learning by experience. Without it we'd be aught but automatons. Eve isn't to blame, but is to be credited with true freedom as exemplified by expressing free will between two opposing forces and making the choice we deem best. For this is how we grow.
Nice take on Eve.
al
-
Kiddy this is excellent writing, Some of the story of the poem to me also went over my head a bit, but it didn't seem to matter to much, becuase I enjoyed the flow and the language/words used within
The picture is just beautiful
Cindy
. Rewarded 6
-
complex and expressive
Love the imagery, the flow of words, and the indirect Biblical references.
I rarely give threes, but have some on me.
-
Like an abstract painting
I liked the vividness of your words. They came through loud and clear, but I'm afraid the story of the poem went over my head. It was a bit too abstract to me.
I liked what I could understand,
Rich
Adding your comment:
1 - 21 of 21
