I hang out with you and such
I like you, but I won't make a pass
I respect you too much
You're the most hilarious hell-raiser in class
We have belching contests; I can never beat you
When we play D&D, I always seat next to you
Trying not to cheat you
Will you be my cartoon-drawing boyfriend
If I make you laugh?
If I draw disgusting pictures
Of your attention, will you give me half?
When it comes to looks
you have it made
you're the cutest boy
in 7th grade
It would give me joy
If you would deface all my textbooks
We can ditch science class
and have a cigarette
School is always such a bore
About our inevitable detention
We hope Mrs. Gunther will forget
As we hang out behind the candy store
Will you be my cartoon-drawing boyfriend
If I make you laugh?
For you, I'll bend over backwards
and act like an ass and a half.
When your dad grounds you, I'll be your S.O.S.
For you, I'll act like one of the guys
Filled with endless jest
Hoping you notice I put makeup on my eyes
I'll draw talking toilets and other calamities
to make you grin
Monsters eating people and other hilarities
Your heart I'm trying to win
Will you be my cartoon-drawing boyfriend
If I supply the laughs?
When we're together, the jokes never end
I'll even let you have my Styx and ELO phonographs.
Author notes
I wrote this poem for an old junior high school crush from 1981. This is a nostalgia piece, for sure.
I am just wondering what I need to improve. I'm open to all feedback. I realize it's a simple poem using a simple rhyming scheme. It seems more like song lyrics then a poem. I guess all my poetry is simple.
What do I need to improve? Imagery? Rhyming scheme? How can I make this more "poetic?"
Comments
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It is PERFECT!!
I am in seventh grade myself and this poem is just too perfect! It may be simple, but there is nothing wrong with simple poetry. This poem may be very lyrical but lyrics are poetry! People tend to present more "rules" to what poetry is "supposed to be" when in reality poetry doesn't have any rules to describe what is is. So if your asking yourself, "Is this poetry?" then my answer is yes!
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No! No Improvements! Why?....
Because it's perfect already!, Being a sevy myself, I can say, it is accurate! Snaps for you!!!!!!!!!
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The poem comes across as reflecting early teen crushes. Don't worry about it being 'simple' Put too much of your adult self in it, and it looses its authenticity, I think.
I like the contrast between the protagonist trying,in turns, to be attractive as a young female, and attractive as a belching tom-boy. Can you build up those contrasts more?
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