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Driftwood ( a quatrain - I hope!)

Missing image
The rising tide that lifts all boats
The flying moon sees all below
Well met the two, well writ the poet
Each force creates an undertow

We’ll swim together in that tide
The rising tide that lifts all boats
Our ship is coming in tonight
We somehow know it knows we know it

Let’s ride the rhythms of its wake
The see-saw swell goes up and down
The rising tide that lifts all boats
The night sky whirlpooling around

The deafening calm beneath the waves
The thrash for air and up we float
Discarded driftwood on the shore
The ebbing tide that beached these boats


In a list

http://sharepoetry.com/column/206

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Comments

  • DemoBloke
    March 2
    Edit | Reply

    'well writ the poet'

    A truly great work . The message is waiting there for those who want to find it.


  • Mark McNulty
    March 1

    Edit | Reply

    I like the poem...

    I am going with Cindy's expertise on the accuracy of the form and structure and so forth, since I am trying to wrap my mind around it myself. It looks good to me, though, and even if it isn't... the poem is pretty cool. I see that Cindy pointed out the few 9 syllable lines and I am sure you have the skill to adjust them without losing anything. However, even if you opted to break from form and leave it as is you still have a success on your hands as it is. Leave it, adjust it... it is a win-win either way! Nice write...


  • MaMa-2-be-Cindy silver member
    March 1

    Edit | Reply
    Forgot I wanted to add in this link for a syllable counter...I don't use it all the time but I do call on it just to make sure etc lol

    http://www.wordscount.info/hw/syllable.jsp


  • MaMa-2-be-Cindy silver member
    March 1
    Edit | Reply
    Subject matter is cool >W< sometimes a subject does just come and words flow easily in regards

    The repeating line fit in so well through-out to me..thats the one thing I am struggling with lol..
    I like the rhyming but like that its not perfect..

    I am rhyming too just cause but wishing I never started lol...but am making myself continue on with it

    Technical side of things----
    Couple of lines through-out actually have 9 or more syallables where each is supposed to have 8

    --Well met the two, well writ the poet
    --We somehow know it knows we know it
    --The deafening calm beneath the waves



    But other then that >W< it's tight and so well done to the form...
    It could only inspire me to get off my butt & finish mine lol


    Thanks for taking up the challenge



    Cindy