Lain like a trembling kit in a curl;
All is soft in the dark of the earthen night.
It’s not that I am ‘fraid
But rather that in childish want
I would you held me like I was.
Hold the fragile phantom fear
And bring the infant cub close to,
Inside the sett’s soft earth.
Save only She who fed me first,
None can make me feel so safe.
But She can’t make my heart reach so,
As does when thoughts reach out to you.
Relations against nature break
And overbear that natural relationship.
I run to you in a storm now
And She will never forgive me.
All is soft in the dark of the earthen night,
And the cub dreams of you.
Author notes
I guess this is half a love poem and half an apology to my mother. If that makes any sense at all, lol. The thought came to me while I was lying in bed feeling a bit alone and was thinking about the boyfriend, as ya do. Most of the text was written that night by the light of my phone on a notebook I keep by the bed, and it's been edited a bit since, just to neaten up some turns of phrase and repeat the line and start and finish.
It naturally became very alliteration heavy, and I don't think it gets silly at any point, but do say if you find it annoying.
Any comments are greatly appreciated,
iorek
(Oh, and for any nature lovers out there, yes I'm aware that my foxes are in a sett, but foxes are known to occupy abandoned badger setts soo... I figured it's alright to mix my animals)
[Reward: double points]
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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A real good title... One’s rumination over mother’s love, care and protection is clearly penned here in the first stanza. I loved the way the speaker wants to get the maternal protection back. ‘Save only she who fed me first’ – beautiful line, I loved it. It’s true that none can make us feel more comfortable and safe, but a mother. Relationship against nature break – Relationship, to mankind, is made by man himself. And being a cub, the speaker is a delicate darling, a fragile infant who is worried about what She doesn’t like. A profound subject, very good write. Thanks for sharing.
I wonder how I missed this beautiful piece for a long time.
Love
Kiddy
. Rewarded 8
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It was beautiful. Much thought was put into its creation
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This is a wonderful and touching poem,Iorek. Isn't it amazing how deep our thoughts reach into the kernel of consciousness during this twilight hour while waiting for sleep? Profound feelings and insight do rather not join us during the hustle and bustle of the day. Your poem makes the comparison part a balance between past and presence and you expressed it all in a way of classic phrasing. Awesome really and much emotion between the lines. Thanks for sharing. Ulla
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Fine Olde English
Hi Iorek. Just looked in to check this out and was glad I did so. I think you handled a delicate subject rather finely here and got the point across well. Many more than you imagine will relate very directly to this I'm sure. I wondered about its tendency towarde 'Olde' English and almost Shakespearean language 'betimes'. I felt it more hindered than helped the poem for the main part but I sense you wanted to it be 'retro' for your own reasons.
I loved 'all is soft in the dark of the earthen night' and that you repeated it, and I thought the alliteration was enchanting and balanced. Good Write. >W<
. Rewarded 8
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Lovely
"Save only She who fed me first, None can make me feel so safe" is a beautiful line about the kind of comfort a mother provides. I thought this poem was really beautiful. I love the relationship you so naturally allude to- between yourself and your mother and the comparrision of that kind of love to that you have for a lover.
nice work!
-Julie. Rewarded 6
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Very Natural
Very endearing write. I thought the comparison between mother and child; fox mother an cub verybeautiful and shows that in basic things we share quite a lot with our mammal brothers and sisters. A very tender-hearted poem.
I enjoyed it immensely.
Technically well-written, nice imagery.
~Rich. Rewarded 6
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Direct and Personal in a Subtle Way.
Hi Iorek. Beautiful title and I like the way you interlace two themes concerning dear old Mum and the aspects of your life about which she doesn´t seem to approve.
Of course there should be nothing to apologise about for being gay (actually I didn´t realize you were before your notes now - not that it matters) but a Mother´s Love is a kind of holy grail to strive for - I´ve become sub-consciously aware of this upon the occasions I myself have proved a disappointment to Mater! Thus your points are wholly salient in regard to reality.
Cub denotes vulnerability, both as son and lover and is finely juxtaposed by the capital in She.
Pedantry following:
Maybe cut out "the" before earthen for rhythm sake.
Why `fraid and not afraid?
Line 5 is enchanting for all its simplicity.
Line 8. Alternative for "earth" since you applied "earthen" earlier? Soil/loam/dirt/clay etc or what about "hearth" denoting sanctuary and warmth?
"Cannot" in place of "can´t"
Stanza 2, line 4: Cut out "does" ? Superfluous.
Good lines! 5-8.
2nd to final line: I hear "below" after "soft" but maybe not.
Good ending.
Nice one Iorek. Glad your exams haven´t ruined your poetic mind! heheh
Warmest regards
gG
. Rewarded 8
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