Her exterior, so extravagantly
beautiful.
But in her mind, there's a repulsion
that she hides,
inside...
Inside, she forgot about beauty,
forgot about love.
Now all that remains are
cobwebbed memories of youth.
Trapped in a vertigo,
permanently dizzy,
befuddled with life.
With a truck driver's tongue,
she quickly
changed her lanes.
Going from kisses and hugs,
to assigning
abominable names.
Using the word "Fuck"
so much,
it carried the essence
of crying wolf.
The constant repeating
revoked its meaning.
Destroying its power
with her meaningless
refrain.
"BitchShitSlutWhore"
Oral Diarrhea of
profanity and slang.
Her brain's become a
factory of melodramatic
damnation.
The thoughts of love and peace
have become an anathema
for us all.
Author notes
I was inspired to write this from my sister's non-stop profanity laced tantrums that accompany her graves disease and thyroid problem. A sad sad thing. She now talks as if she's getting paid to curse, not that I don't. But I don't do it just for fun, there's always a purpose behind it, whatever it may be. Please just let me know what ya think...
In a list
I'd just like an honest opinion...thanks
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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So True!
The words used today as if they were common are words that were considered actually evil not but a few hundred years ago. Now we say it on prime time television and communicating with loved ones on a regular basis. I think this poem is very well put. A great subject.
My favorite line was:
"Using the word "Fuck"
so much,
it carried the essence
of crying wolf.
The constant repeating
revoked its meaning.
good stuff man.
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Honestly...
this made me think of my recent digression to the more frequent use of profanity. I love how the first stanza points out that outward beauty doesn't alway equal inward beauty.
Although it confused me and made me figuritively dizzy, I like the description of how our inward beauty can become clouded by the lives we lead. At first I thought that the her in - changing her lanes should be dropped. Then I realized you were speaking of her quickly changeing moods. Nicely done by the way. I like every thing about the fifth stanza. Using the actual word instead of F**k really gives it weight. Ofcourse I like the way the next stanza played out also. Both stanzas together were an interesting way to show that the more you use it the less you think about using it. Now I have to admit I would have been lost on the second half of your last stanza if I hadn't cheated by rolling through your comments to find out that anathema is by definition someone or something that is destested or loathed. Nice finishing touch for those who understand it. Sorry to hear of your sister's struggles. Oh, and one last thing...yes it's a poem. Better?
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I quite love it. It's sounds like me, but I dont' curse all the time like that. But yea. It's good.
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LoL
well thanks much Lani, I'm glad that you enjoyed this poem. But remember there's a grading system up there where you can get to choose, kinda like an A, B, C, or F grading scale with the applause things or clappers lol, those are what grade your poems and let the author of the poem know what you think of it besides just your words, A lot of people really look forward to seeing what grade people will leave them b/c that's one of the easier ways to see where your poem stands with the rest of the poems in the community. some take it more seriously than others, but pretty much everybody likes to see a grade on there. So just to let ya know for future references that you should usually pick one of the four options and then also do the 1-5 on the five categories of the other poetic grading scale. Thanks for your time and your kind words with the comment, LoL wish ya would have gave me a grade, you still can if you want, but it's all up to you, but for future reference now ya know
I'll definately be keeping in touch with you, you seem like a kewl girl.
TTYL
MM
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fornication under consent of the king hahahaha
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well written, simple yet honest. There is a real sense of clarity instilled by the poems simplicity.
But in her mind theres a repulsion that she hides, the poems most perfect line. The ravagery of such lines hardens the poems soft simple structure with the poets emotive state.
. Rewarded 6
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This develops your sisters personality and speech very well. It easily reminds of people like that which we all know. It remindes me of the power we have in the words we choose to speak and when used carelessly they are vulgar and profane to something (comunication) that has the potential to do so much good. Nice piece!
. Rewarded 6
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In Monty Pythons piece, "the many uses of the word fuck" - it says that it is derived from German, "flicken" meaning "to strike" dunno how true that is though.
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"The constant repeating
revoked its meaning." this is one of the "natural rhyme" kind of things that occasionally I manage and treasure it when I see it in others.......brutally honest verse just the way I like 'em! -
you are really good at this. :)
i like what you did here, marcus. the words and phrases that you used were certainly refreshing as nobody could say that they are cliches of some kind, even if we might hear them a lot...its because you have a unique gift of putting these phrases together and making them work, such that we can never think that they are just common-day phrases - like "truck driver's tongue". i like the "cobwebbed memories of youth" as well. this is pretty good, marcus...makes me want to read more of your work...
i am so sorry to hear about your sister, marcus and to know that she has been handling her illness quite poorly...i've got a sister who's terminally ill as well and she parties a lot to cope with things...i, myself, have so many illnesses, i get tired of naming them all...anyway, how things are handled when one is sick differ in every person...sometimes, we just have to be patient with these people because we really can't know what's going through their minds and hearts...
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What's anathema? Never heard of it. Good poem though.
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Hey Mimi
Anathema by definition is somebody or something that is detested or loathed. I appreciate your breif comment, at least I know you liked it now. Which means more than saying nothing at all LoL. Have a good one and thanks for the time to stop and read. Appreciate it greatly.
TTYL
MM
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So sad, so good! Worth everyone's time!
There is so much to this poem ! First, while I always like to know what the impetus is in this case I would rather not because of what it is. Such a sad reason, but good that you have this outlet.
Stay in the past tense: in that second stanza you change tenses: "she forgot" change to "she forgets" and kept it that way.
Is she conscious of her disease? Is it something that she is aware of on and off?
"Cobwebbed memories of youth" is an OUTSTANDING image!!
The constant repeating
revoked it's meaning. (change the it's to its)
The thought of love and peace
has become anathema
to us all.
How about:
The thoughts of love and peace
have become an anathema
for us all
(?)
When you address her in the second to last stanza it changes the poem. I would try to avoid that.
I really love this poem and feel you need to end it with more of a love note like the one you started with.
Thank you for sharing this with the world. Would your sister understand it at all?
. Rewarded 8
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Hey Willow
Thank you for your kind words and thank you so very much for taking the time to come and read something that means alot to me. Thank you for pointing out the grammar and punctuation mistakes, I'm usually typing way too fast and too excited to get something posted when it's finished to really look at it and spellcheck or edit, a bad habit. But I'm flattered to hear that you liked it. I feel you got the soul of what I was trying to do, which isnt hard but some people just see it as writing. I didn't end it like the beginning b/c like the disease she was fine in the beginning and it progressively became hopeless. but things are starting to get better, I think at least. But it's a long process of guess and check really, so it's gonna take some time for her to get under control. She knows what's goin on most of the time but she can't help the feelings that come over her or the anger/hate/rage that she feels. It's very sad and an ugly feeling from what I've read and heard. I don't know if she'd understand this, I'm sure she would but she would probably also be really sensitive if she knew that this was something about her. So I haven't showed her anything. But thank you for your questions and pondering. always nice for some extra insight into a poem and how it became. I always found that stuff fascinating, what inspired one to do something. anyways nice chatting with you, hope to read some of your stuff when I have some more timel. Would like to hear from you again as well hopefullly.
TTYL
MM
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Awesome yet sorry
I am sorry to hear about your sister!!!! This poem is unqiue and quite integellently written. I do have to admitt people do curse more than they normally should. I have to admitt that I do too. I normally curse about everything. I joined the Marines and my mom's a trucker and I definatly curse way more than I should. Maybe it's habit or more like an addiction and it's one that's not easily broken or stopped.. Rewarded 8
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Hey NY
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on the poem. It's always nice to hear another's opinion. I too curse more than I should. I doubt as much as a New Yorker LoL but more than I should. I think it can definately be both a haabit and an addiction, depends on what ya use it for and how ya use it I guess. Hope to talk to ya again soon. Will comment on some of your work when I have some more time. Thanks a bunch.
TTYL
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AWESOME!
Before I read your comments on this poem, I thought it was about the low-class types we meet everyday, those that curse at the drop of a hat (or beer bottle, more likely). But I'm sorry that your sister has graves disease and thyroid problems. This was a great poem with lots of emotion behind it. Once again, I'm sorry for your sister.
. Rewarded 6
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Hey,
I've read this poem before and was meaning to share my thoughts on it. I know a few people who would fit into your description and i see what you mean. Some people seem to think saying such words is just plain cool, but in truth its disruptive. My sister used to be the same, thank god she has stopped with her cussing. It came to a point it was some transitional verb.
The first stanza set the tone perfectly for this poem, the immediate implication of her beauty and the contrast was effective. At times, some poets would prefer to save this part for the last, but i suppose setting up the exterior and building on the interior worked for this poem. The constancy in the use of profanity has made the weight of the cuss word to nothing. I suppose in some weird way,the word creates frustration and anger communicated so effectively.
The thing that attracted me to this poem is the title. I have used that term quite often, but not in the same context as you have here. But i should say, if i were to paint this, i would paint a pretty girl with a deformed mouth spouting out ugly shit.
I think the poem is good, though the ending could do some work. The ending of 'to her' gave this poem a weak ending. I don't know how it can be transformed. You could reiterated on the contrast by adding another stanza. Well, its up to you. Nonetheless a worthy read.
-iphios. Rewarded 8
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Hey Iphios
Glad to hear that your sister is doing better now. It's a tough thing to go through. Knowing that anything you say isn't going to matter and you just have to sit there and take it all in and keep your mouth shut b/c I know she has an illness and it's not always all her fault. Anyways I'm glad that ya took the time to re-read and leave a comment. I'm glad you found interest in the title. It's something I enjoyed very much about this poem. I was very proud when I was completed. Thank you for your suggestions on what you would do and what you think needs attention. I always appreciate when somebody gives advice out that's constructive, not only praise. So thank you. Hope to hear from ya again soon. By The Way...I think it's awesome that you paint, kewl shit. keep it up. I quit along time ago and I regret it, I really want to start again but IDK if I have time right now...some things just have to wait.
TTYL
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Potent Theme, MarCUSS!
Sorry, mate, couldn´t resist.
My sympathies to your sister´s condition and the obvious trials this entails for you and your family, Marcus. I thought you had some well wrought passages here describing how this affects you.
"Trapped in a vertigo"
"factory of melodramatic
damnation."
My favourite part was the whole of stanza 3. Perfect!
Only thing I´d suggest is perhaps making the third line less clumsy, replacing with "..an ugliness.." or something more grammatically appropriate. Oh, slight typo: extravAgant.
As for the provenance of the illustrious F-word.
I do dimly recall reading it somewhere, but for the life of me, I can´t fucking remember!
Google it?
Nice work, Marcus.
Mucho regards
fugGin Bastard
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Hey gG
I'm glad to see that you stopped by and read my poem. I'm even more happy that you enjoyed it and left a comment. Thank you so very much, I've been enjoying the comments on this one alot more than any of the others' I've written. I believe it's because of the sentiment attached to this one. Yes growing up with my sister hasn't been anything near perfect, but it's a disease and she can't help it. though sometimes I think she can and she's really just being evil cause she doesn't know what else to do. LoL IDK? I truly appreciate the kind words you have given, even the F-bomb. You can never get enough of it, an I'm saying this on a reply to a comment about a poem on the overuse of the very word. I believe they'd call that stupid and hypocritical? But since everybody here is a critic, who cares. It's all in good fun. Well it was lovely hearing from ya gG! Hope ya stop by again sometime and leave another comment. Whenever I get some more free time I will be checking out some of your stuff. I've got a long long list to go through so forgive me if it takes a few days. Well it was lovely chatting mate, hope to talk to ya again soon.
TTYL
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whats up mm
sorry to hear about your sister man, my aunt has that shit. its terrible stuff so i knnow what you're going through. But like every1 else said I also found it funny. it was kind of like a sad comic. yea just like that. I thought that this poem was just awesome. great title, i could never spell that word growing up, probably still couldnt if it wasnt right there. I think this is one of my favorites of yours so far. i really liked the shorter lines in this one, good style. You always have some pretty neat and original shit to say. guess what im trying to say is you make up some pretty weird, out there shit hahahah. and im not rippin on ya, i think its very cool and youre definately an interesting and go out of your way to help kind of guy. thanks for giving me a quick lesson in whats goin on here, i appreciated the email.
peace man
jay
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The translation of inspiration to poetry is pretty great. But maybe you should've explored the theme looking beyond your sister's behaviour while penning it. Make it a bit more general. Also, there is too much being said about "fuck" in the poem... 2 paras out of 6. That is 33%. Maybe you should write a poem dedicated to the abuse of the versatility of "fuck". I have written one on "Whatever"
Back to the poem. The end is a bit tame. Thats where I think you could generalize a bit to give a more universal appeal to it. The moodswings. The anger. THe elements are all there. Individual stanzas by themselves are quite well written. But they somehow don't tie up too well.
Just my thoughts. Overall it was a very easy read, on a theme, which arouses a lot of sympathy.
Cheers
HM
. Rewarded 8
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Hey HM
Thank you for taking your time to read and leave a comment. The poem as a whole is supposed to be all over the place, jumbled up. Sharp strong words laced with common phrases and expressions, along with the refrain of cussing. So thats exactly what I was goin for. I'm glad you noticed it though, sad you saw it as a mistake. The theme is about my sister, and inspired by her, not a universal one. So therefore for me to be writing about other peoples' affairs would be phony, fake, a farce, whatever shitty con-artist like name you can think of. Artificial. This is what's true, this is what's happened, the whole point was for there to be that fuck you piece of shit piss whore cocksucker motherfucker attitude in it b/c that is how she is. Like it says she uses(d) the word so much it carries the essence of crying wolf. We don't listen anymore, not like we used to, We've heard it all already, so nothin'g going to surprise us. In this poem I haven't even begun to begin where she starts. So for you to say I need to tone down on the cursing makes me laugh, A LOT! LoL. Anyways, thanks a bunch for reading, I took some of yours and dave's advice and made some small changes to it, nothing major, but I appreciate your time and words of encouragement. Hope to talk again soon mate.
TTYL
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Hey Marcus
What a beautifully small painful portrayal of what the inner battle of your sister's anger and frustration must be like. You took something that was bothering you in your life and you made it into something that you can now be proud of, that true art. Good JOB. I really liked the title, that's exactly what you could look at it as. Excrement falling out of the mouth, accidentally, all the time, painfully. I thought this like everybody else, to be funny but sad. I'm sorry to hear about your sister, and I hope that in the future you can find outlets such as this to deal with this pain/problem of yours. And hopefully she can find something of the same for herself too so she doesn't have to act so ugly on the outside. Very nicely done.
Sherry L.K.
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hey marcus
enjoyed your poem had a nice light flow to it, reminded me of one of windover's. i didn't like the last line though, theres someone who uses the term, happy face facism, a smile can be very supeficial. i also liked comparing saying fuck too much to crying wolf, loses its impact and shows lack of imagination.
goggle fuck they have the origin and a lot of info.
dave. Rewarded 8
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Hey Dave
Thanks for stopping by to read and taking your time to comment. I'm flattered that you liked it and compared the style/form to Windhover's. Great compliment. I used smile b/c my sister has an illness and it's character based, so to see her smile is a very rare thing. But you are right it may be a superficial thing to MOST people. But that's also a kind of stereotypical point of view. I hope you don't mind me being frank. I believe that if you use any word too much it loses its power. Especially a curse. They're meant to be used far and few, I use them often, but I mostly have a reason for it, some emphasis on what I'm saying. The origin of the word FUCK I found a long time ago was in the military logs of a NAVAL Captain...it's better explained in the reply to Lad. Always nice to converse with somebody that I don't talk to too often, Hope to talk to ya soon. I'll be checking up on some of your work.
TTYL
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This was really good.
Excellent, excellent, excellent...
I struggle with profanity as an abominable habit. I had always been good about bifurcating my tongue between work and family and other more politic-demanding social settings, but sometimes as of late I slip without even knowing it and it's embarassing to look up and see shocked faces of those who think my tongue should be more well-behaved. I value expletives for emphasis. "I'm gonna kick your bum" just doesn't have the same ring as "I'm gonna kick your ass" now does it? So I use 'em. But...when they slip out while driving with the family I realize I'm gonna have to stop. It's like a second language on the job-site, but I'm realizing that as a family man I cannot be a PSL(profanity as a second language) person any more. I have gotten better at times, but still have relapses. I'm opting for more benign terms as I really don't think I need verbiage to bolster my badness, but sometimes is just fun to swear, I don't know why. It's a bad habit, and I'm gonna change my ways. This poem has been an invaluable impetus to that end. Because a lot of times, it just sounds stupid and ignorant and I don't need any help in that department.
Nice work, marcus. The last three lines are teriffic and reminded me of an encounter with a young mexican man on a job site. He came up to me and asked me to stop using "ugly" words. I realized he was right and immediately apologized. They are "ugly" words and certainly don't uplift or inspire any one. So...I'm workin' on it. I think I just need to stop.
Good stuff, Marcus.
al
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This was really good
Hey, Al and Marcusmoore! I just want to let you guys know that I'm from a blue-collar family too. Growing up, my hard-working dad said everything under the sun, and he was always mad when he said it. But he always told me and my sister never to curse in mixed company. In fact, he was shocked when I cursed at all. "Ladies don't curse," he'd tell me, reflecting the 1940's, when he was a kid. But when you have someone who can't help themselves, that's another story. I hope your sister keeps taking her meds and that you keep writing wonderful poetry! -
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Hey...hear, hear...
I know it's hypocritical, but I too hate it when ladies curse. My momma always washed my mouth out with soap. My dad swore when he got pissed but was usually well contained in this department.
I just cringe when I see women fight or become hardened to kindness. They're the last bastion of caring in a world that is constantly telling everyone to "f*** off!"(of which I'm often guilty). It is the kindness of woman that encourages me to do better, to be kinder and gentler. I would hate to lose that positive influence as the world trundles handily along to the precipice of unceasing incivility, as seems so fashionable nowadays. Just today, I was discussing the latest UFC match with a coworker and he informed me they now have a UFC league of sorts for women. To be honest with you, I cringed at the thought.
So nope. No swearing, no yelling, no being unpleasant, you must always have a smile on your face and have dinner on the table by five, rub my feet, tell me how wonderful I am and simply be glad that I am present at all.
Yep...that'd be good. Now, if you'd like to kick my ass I'll be right here sitting on it in this easy chair. And then...
I'll get right on that honey-do list. Because I do so hate to hear women swear...
Nice to hear from you, LJ.
al
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Hey Al
Good to know you liked the poem. Thrilled to read that you dubbed it excellent. Not only once, but thrice. I'll say that again...THRICE! Has a good ring to it. LoL JK Alright enough cocky way too ahead of myselfness...I live in a small town and my Grandfather is very very old fashion, so he drinks, he swears and he doesn't care. He's been like that my entire life. So I'm used to the swearing and curses. Heard every one in the book. But he never cursed for no reason, there was always some emphasis on it, some ooommphhh behind it. The last 5 years my sister's been having problems with her thyroid, they had to destroy it so she has to take meds for the rest of her life to replace a functioning one. She doesn't always take her meds, Don't know why, she has alot of problems. So her tyraids and tantrums brought me a muse in disguise over all these years. She's "cried wolf" so many times over the years I just ignore her now. Most of the time anyways. I'm glad to hear that you're going to try and stop swearing, or at least the useless swearing, though I do it sometimes, it is pointless. To some it's disturbing and rude. So that's a good thing. Kind of what made me want to write this as well. To show the hypocrisy of everybody, even those who are churchgoers, the elderly, the youth, etc. Always a pleasure conversing with ya Al, hope to hear form ya again. Thanks for the insight and the comments, Most of all your time.
TTYL
MM
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oh I love this MM
What a way to write about your sister and her potty mouth lol
I am a swearer and I can tend to be like her from time to time....forgetting the beauty in being a dainty women and letting f here and f there fly lol
But I am also not that bad...it's when im mad that I can't hear the nasty spewing from my mouth....should tape myself sometime lol but normal times i have a pretty clean language use
I just love how you put the subject into your own words...so very creative to me...still a poem and still flowing very well
I don't know the origanal meaning etc...but saw your reply to Lad and it explains a lot, makes some sense in a small degree lol
Cindy
. Rewarded 8
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Hey Cindy
Always good to hear from you I'm glad I found a way to channel my anger, sadness, and humor through something that was creative and for others to enjoy. I don't find it unlady like to curse or swear, I just don't find any use in pointless empty curses. When people do it just to do it, or to sound cool, it's so empty and sounds hilariously phony. In my sister's case it's sad b/c it's non stop and she can't/wont stop or consistently take her meds. LoL I too wish I had a tape recorder myself so I could record her personally when she's acting crazy. We did happen to catch her on video camera though, pretty funny, but also very sad. I'm flattered that you thought I put this into my own words and did something different with it. I believe the origin came from a NAVAL term that Captains used, explains some more on the reply to Lad. Glad to hear from ya, always am.
TTYL Your Friend,
MM
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Yes.. funny and sad
The poem was quite expressive and I thought it was really well written. That slight element of rhyme is so effective, too... not always perfect, not always direct, but in reading it you most certainly perceive it. I agree with Lad on the funny/sad impact of this piece. When I read your comment I was quickly amused by the idea of the profanity-laced tantrum, then quickly ripped back to earth upon learning of the source. That must be quite difficult at times and, if nothing else, at least it has helped generate this strong piece of writing. It also reminds us that things are not always as they appear and we must be careful not to judge. Still... there is that final bit of amusement... over the "classic" language that is now having its origing discussed on the site. Yes, the conversation of true poets. =)
A very nice piece.... Rewarded 8
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Hey Mark
It's good to see that you've come back to take a look at another work of mine. I am glad that you liked it, I'm flattered that you caught the heart of the poem and could sympathize with what was goin on, along with everybody else's blessings. Thank you ALL. And thanks for your concern, it is difficult, almost everyday. But there is still hope, that's all we can do. You're so right, we cannot judge one by their appearance. If you read the reply I gave to Lad you will see the origin of the FUCK word that I had read. So there are obviously many different origins of other languages that went into just that one word...simply amazing. And yes, this is definately the talk of true poets, I agree LoL. I enjoy conversing with ya Mark, Hope to keep in touch, keep on writing man, it makes the world go round. Keep in touch.
TTYL
MM
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Hey, marcus, you mean you never looked up Fuck in a dictionary, and you call yourself a youth?! Ha! I think that word was one of the first ones I sneakily looked up when I turned 9 years old... It comes from Middle English for screwing, which comes from a distorted Latin: fuccant, same meaning. Obscene words have interesting histories, and that "fuccant" was first used by medieval poets who told dirty tales about monks "fuccant" the villages' wives. Love it!
The poem is, for me, both a funny one and a sad one: funny because of her way of getting out her frustration by shocking everyone, until the shock wears off and the poor listeners have to put up with her "inside ugly" that she, too, probably hates. Really strong and bright phrases in the poem for me to like: "befuddled with life", "quickly change her lanes", "essence of crying wolf", "factory of melodramatic damnation." That "crying wolf" jumps out most strongly; her curses no longer have the power to bring the helping "shepherds" to her aid. Sad.
And for some reason I like the change of the third person "she" and "her" to the second person "you" in the fifth stanza: a cry out to her specifically; a cry of personal disgust on the part of the poet. I enjoyed this poem, with a small laugh at the freaky absurdity of it all, and with a sadness at the whole situation. Good write!
Later...
Lad
. Rewarded 8
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HeyLo Lad
Thank you for taking the time to take a look at this poem. I had read once somewhere that the origin of the word "FUCK" is a naval term. It was used in the log books of the captains when a shipmate or a crewman would go off on illegal leave or when they didn't have permission. I'm not familiar with the terms they use. But anyways they would write F.U.C.K in their logs meaning (F)or (U)nlawful (C)arnal (K)nowledge. I always found that interesting and remembered it. So I find it neat to learn all the different techniques and methods that go into creating one word. Always a pleasure conversing with ya lad. Take care.
TTYL
MM
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