Something Inside

I asked you how.
You just looked at me,
And shook your head.
I was almost happy you didn't answer.

I know why you have to,
I just don't know how.

You are so strong.
I know why you have to go.
You go to protect.
And I try not to feel resentful when I see your eyes.

You are over there
Fighting to protect our country.

Every time you come home,
There is something missing,
When I look in your eyes.
There is piece of you that doesn't look back.

I asked you why.
And finally you answered.

"Because I have to"
"Because you have to make a conscious decision."
I looked into your eyes,
And I saw something in you fade.

We sat there in silence, waiting.
"A conscious decision that you are going to kill"

I understand you are fighting to protect us.
And that you are killing to protect,
While you kill a piece of you inside.
I think I know the "how" now.

You waited for me to be horrified.
But I just hugged you.

"I'm still a good person, just stronger than most"
Those were your words.
And I agreed.
You nodded, and packed your gun into your bag.

And now I know I understand the "how".
Something inside has to die.
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