Protons and electrons that make up our mass
The rigid dimensions we hope to surpass
From this two-legged stance, we gaze on with two eyes
The symmetrical robot we wear as a disguise
The organs and tissue that make up our being
Are made up of matter that exists in a dream
Different dimensions elsewhere intersect
What they make isn't matter,
It's nothing like the rest.
Niches that elsewhere fall apart
Give some species a second start
Bodies built from mental maps
May bend and shift, but never snap
Sensory organs are redundant indeed
When there's no need to eat and no drive to breathe
Awareness that's stemming from out of this plane
Oblivious to emotion
And thoughtless to brains
The potential pervading the land
unceasing
Twisting up mass, sick alchemy
releasing
Fantasy fixes make forms that mix, this
anatomical
diabolical
astronomical
monster, like man
But more fluid, less flesh
Life of the unnecessary, albeit temporary
An admission of guilt from these "demons"
From out of the life-giving liquid, it twists
blood is the basis for all that exists
Beings unaccustomed to what seems to be real
Warping their shape to whatever they feel
Skin only lasts for as long as it's willed
Skeletons only to those that are skilled
playing with chemistry from beyond matter's reach
bodies capable of everything,
like movement.
like speech.
They're not from our planet,
they're not from the stars
they're from space without spaces, this life without ours.
"Yes, we were hated...feared even for how we present ourselves. But we were revered, revered as the keepers of truth when man had none. All your gods, demons, monsters and beasts...were the same. But in the end, what we could learn from you was only the dualism of love and hate. Our vessels were abandoned, and we returned to the aether...Alive, but unconstrained by bodies. We were home."
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Sorry, you cannot respond to an archived poemReviews
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Starts out boldly
mr backwards, This poem starts out really strong. The first four lines hold the promise of some really clever development. Then you give us,
"Different dimensions elsewhere intersect" now you are taking off and going somewhere. And then to me the poem fizzles into the mundane.
This poems idea is getting into quantum physics. When I am not dealing with the poetic black hole in my brain, I happen to like reading quantum physics and watching the film "Down the Rabbit Hole".
To me this is only the first verse in what should be a much longer poem.; I was once warned, only critique what is written not what is not present (kind of similar to anti matter).
Anyway where is the rest of this poem?
Eosmia -
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sorry, I wasn't completely done, i just wanted to get out what i had, but it's complete now if you'd like to take a look.
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The fluidity and insubstantiality of our being - that's not only what I think when I read this poem; it's also what I feel. Nicely done poem, in my opinion, mr b.
The first three dependent lines set up the poem's idea, which is centered on the fourth line: all a dream of our limited and finite ability to see that deeply into infinity. I think of Shakespeare's line: "We are such stuff as dreams are made on / And our little lives are rounded with a sleep". I think your poem here is a fine expansion of that thought - that none of what we surmise about our being has any objective reality or ultimate meaning; it's all beyond us.
I wonder, as long as you say the poem is still "in progress", if the final two lines might be even more strong than they already are. Maybe "What they make is no matter / is nothing like the rest" might work better? But that's only my opinion; disregard it at will. All in all, I like the philosophical and emotional tone of this one; all reality, I agree, does "shape shift..."
Later...
Lad -
wow
I really enjoy EVERYTHING about this poem.
"monster, like man
But more fluid, less flesh
Life of the unnecessary, albeit temporary
An admission of guilt from these "demons""
I love the use of none rhymes to make certain things stand out. Definitely going to read this one again. and again. No boring parts, the beginning grabs me and the rest is just so fluid you can't stop. Looking forward to your other works.
. Rewarded 8
March 31