Life pauses,
turning heads on high
as the blazing sun sets,
giving way to the evening sky.
And in my search for truth,
that neverending quest,
I realize that all a person ever needs
is a tiny drop of faith.
For in this moment,
these few fleeting minutes,
we see magnificence.
We see the majesty and glory
of nature's golden flames
cast far across the sea.
We see all the colors
our mind can perceive
and feel all the warmth
we mortal humans
ever dare to feel.
We stare,
we gawk,
we nearly fall in worship,
at the sight of the setting sun.
Yet all other endings
in life,
and of life itself,
bring tears,
bring pain,
bring the crippling anguish of loss,
and generate fear of the ending.
We openly praise the sunset
only because
we know it will rise again.
And in its fading light,
that thin line
dividing loss and beauty,
faith,
waits
just beyond our reach.
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So... what do you think?
Sorry, you cannot respond to an archived poemReviews
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The ending is perfect firstly...So be happy with it
I get what your saying though and sometimes the hardest thing for me to do, is the wrp the piece up and make it feel like it has ended
I love this...I love sunsets...and I see we both take joy in taking a good pic of one...Cause I have built up quite a collection lol...
They are a beautiful amazing gift from god...we can admire & share with someone we love
This piece of yours Mark...form or no form...who cares about that even a free write type poem...can draw the reader in, paint such a lovely picture and just make them feel calm...This is what your poem did for me.
Lovely imagery, creative descriptions, all out good poem here Mark
And the pic, well, could look at it all day lol
Cindy
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Thanks, Cindy, for reassuring me on the ending and the poem in general. Yes, I am quite a fan of sunsets, especially in photos. I have only taken two photos of sunsets I really like but I am sure the collection will grow in the future. Each one seems so different. I will say it was interesting to think how we would react to a sunset if we had no idea it would rise again... if we approached it the same way we do other endings such as the end of a relationship, leaving a job, or even death. I just got that sense that it is not the ending that upsets us as much as it is the unknown and uncertainty that follows. So, I liked writing this one but also liked the philosophical mini-journey I took with it. Thanks again, Cindy.
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hey Mark
Well I'd have to say you did a very good job on this one for sure. And don't worry a bit about the ending. The ending was great, glad it was revised or re-thought into what it is now. I'm glad you didn't stick to one simple rule or form on this one. I like it when people feel the freedom to try and experiment with new ideas. And for you I think it worked heavily in your favor. I am not usually a fan of sunrises or sunsets, for I have never seen a good one besides in a picture or on the television. Thank you so very much for this beautiful portrayal of a beautiful end. I like how you added that in there too, about all other endings being different in some way, either painful, remorseful, regretful, etc. etc. But like you said this is an ending that has been praised billions of times over, It's hard to imagine how many people just let thoughts like that pass them by everyday until reminded by a piece of art. Nice job Mark.
TTYL
MM
. Rewarded 8
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Thank you, Marcus. As this was another one I was a bit unsure of, the supportive comments and positive feedback is much appreciated and highly valued. I am glad you saw the contrast I was getting at, too, with sunsets being so loved but other endings being so feared. This was fun to write, though. I think that was true partly because I used my own photo. That was more meaningful, in a way, than using a random photo found online. I have a few others I would like to write matching poems for but just couldn't get started with them tonight. This was the one that stuck so I am glad it was enjoyed. Thanks again for the support. All my best to you and yours...
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wonderful flow
what came out in this poem was such deep thoughts and the feelings that went with it, I felt I was right there
at the time of this beautiful sunset..keep writing... Rewarded 4
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Thank you for taking the time read it and offer your comments. The supportive words are very much appreciated. Thanks again...
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hey mark
just ran a lengthy reply and backspace stuck and wiped and i cant bear to type the whole thing but i enjoyed this especailly the last stanza where you intuitively point that a sunset contains beauty and tragedy its also and end (death) but the sun always rises again.
dave. Rewarded 6
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Thanks, Dave. Don't worry about re-typing your lengthy comments. There is no need for that extra mile. The time and thought you gave to this one are already greatly appreciated, just as they always are. I am glad you enjoyed and thanks for the read. All my best...
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beautiful
I thoroughly enjoyed this poem Mark.Being a sunset lover myself, I found this poem very inspiring and interesting.
Ending was just perfect and I liked that last stanza the best. Line "dividing loss and beauty" was so powerful and it makes the poem so complete.The flow of the poem was driven so well from beginning to end.In the end all I could say was "wow!!"
Great work Mark!!
. Rewarded 8
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Thanks for the supportive comments, elydia. I am glad you enjoyed this one and it is always nice to know the other sunset lovers out there! Your thoughtful words are most appreciated and it was a great way to start my Tuesday!
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*howls at the moon
Mark,
many a poem has been written about sunsets. indeed, it has been a source of poetic inspiration since the dawn of, well, the poem... (my own included, cheesy, mind you
)
with that said, there are a lot of cliches in your poem. "tears, pain, we mortal humans, never ending quest" etc...
then there is the contradiction of "we nearly fall in worship" to "we openly praise the sunset" -- and indeed many cultures have worshiped the sun, i.e. the Egyptians.
all this aside, there are a couple lines that carried some real impact and felt fresh. most notably were the statements of the last stanza:
"we openly praise the sunset only because we know it will rise again."
- i like how your perception here. you relate the sunset to death, and indeed, no one grieves when the sun sets, because they believe that it will again rise. so i suppose that there is a darker side to a sun set which you discovered here, as "Life pauses." and indeed, it is in the moments when we stop and take in the glory of creation that faith in God seems undeniable.
"and in its fading light, that thin line dividing loss and beauty, faith, waits just beyond our reach."
- i love the sound of these lines, and their syntax works, but i want to know what faith refers to!? it sounds too ambiguous. strong mental image for me, though.
similarly, you say that "all we need is a tiny drop of faith," but you do not mention what for. God? a new day? the circle of life? clarification could make the ending stronger. (or maybe i'm just not reading this right ) also, if you realize that all we ever need is "a tiny drop of faith" which "waits, just beyond our reach," then you are painting a pretty bleak picture of life. why would faith taught us by waiting unattainably in the sunset? you see? i thought the opening stanza conveys that the sunset inspires faith, but the closing stanza contradicts this idea.
blah, blah, blah, i know...
overall, i like how you talk about fear of "the ending" and how all other endings in life besides the sunset are not joyous occasions. this comes across as sort of a revelation. perhaps a sunset is a metaphor for life, because you are right, we know it will rise again, or at least we think we do. so maybe if we had faith in life after physical death, then we could see our endings the same way we see the sunset -- with faith in a new beginning.
anyway, today's was a memorable sunset here in Oklahoma. the day was unusually humid which made for some big puffy gold and pink clouds. sunsets and sunrises are always more colorful when there are clouds in the sky/horizon.
Pap
p.s. - i like the photograph
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Thank you so much for taking the time for such an in-depth review! You make it seem like an art, offering the support I crave while also making suggestions that will help me improve as a writer. It is much appreciated. I understand the questions you ask about this piece and, a few of them, I had not thought about or noticed until you pointed them out. I am sure this is one I will be looking at to fine-tune down the road and these comments will be a huge help in that effort. Thanks again for the time and effort you put into this one, Papyrus.
All my best...
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Hey, Caliente. I am so glad you enjoyed this poem and understood the message I was trying to convey. Based on your comments here, it sounds like you were right in tune with my line of thinking. Don't worry about how "profound" you comment is... this was just perfect. Thanks, as always, for your support!
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this must be fate...
you know what, mark, when i opened your profile, i was looking for that poem that you wrote about memories or something that i liked but wasn't able to comment about because i was too busy that time...then, i found fallen and then this...
aside from the poem being very poetic and beautiful, as always, it drove straight into my heart...you see, i have a sister who has a terminal illness...she's got leukemia, and it seems that she's living her last days now...although i am trying my best to be prepared, i can't help but be saddened, because she is after all, my sister...
so, when i read this poem, it gripped me...it made me realize that, yes, there are many of us who love sunsets ( me, included) because not only are they splendid to behold but because they represent a hope of being able to rise again...and, although i don't know what your religion is, for me, this poem represents my faith that God will take care of my little sister...no matter how afraid we are of losing her...i know, we will survive...and, she, i bet she's so scared right now, just not showing it...she will really be in a better place when she finally moves on from this life to the next...
am i making sense? i am quite muddled right now and depressed and busy...so, i hope you understand the babbling...
. Rewarded 8
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It did not sound like "babbling" at all, leigh, but rather a very heartfelt and meaningful response to my poem. I am almost speechless reading that.
First and foremost, I am so sorry for what your sister and your entire family is going through. I've been there with a couple of loved ones and know how painful it can be at times. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with all of you.
Second, I am so glad my writing had such meaning to you today. I honestly can't think of any better reward for a writer than hearing someone say they were touched by their words in some way. Perhaps it is fate, perhaps it is luck... whatever it is, I am glad it happened and if it made your burden the slightest bit easier to carry for even a brief moment, it was worth it.
Thanks again, and I'll keep your family close in heart and mind.
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i read the setting sun with all the warmth it could give...it is interesting to note how life and human nature is mingled with the setting sun...a bit philosophical also at the fading rays of the setting sun...afterall 'the setting sun will bring us light'(a line from one of my poems)...
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Thanks for the great comment. I appreciate you taking the time to read this and offer your thoughts. All my best...
Mark
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Hello there.
Did I experience what you might have or was I inspired equally by the photo?
I was at the waterfront with you. Is that specific? How'd you do that? lol.
Actually, I know how close it can bring you to that moment of solace.
Beautiful words that were 'realized' because it happened.
I love the form you used and the alliteration was very well in proportion with it. I do think you might have used less punctuation. Let this beauty 'f ~l ~ y'. Unless it is needed for thought shift, I'd let go of as much as possible.
..." faith awaits just beyond our reach". Lovely! By philosophy, I would have said, "the purpose of believing is just beyond our reach".
Yes, this subject reminds me so much of God's third eye if not one of His physical ones. It gives life. It allows us to 'see' other things. It is warming. The whole galactic system is referred to as a 'solar system', so perpetuating life and the dependancy of other planets.
*Suggestion*
we 'gawk'. I'd pick a more poetic word, like 'gape, stare, gaze'.
A Beautiful write! Thank you for letting my heart see it the way you intended.
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Thank you so much for those wonderful comments and the great suggestions. Punctuation... it is like a thorn in my side. Especially teaching 4th graders all day, it is tough not to feel obligated to certain commas, periods, and everything else. I intend to keep working at it, though. This response was just so helpful to me as a writer, so I truly am filled with appreciation. You were kind and supportive, but you also helped me identify goals to practice. It is just what I needed.
I am glad you enjoyed it so much, and I wish you and yours all the very best!
Mark
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CinfullyDelicious
April 20