The rules of the house
keep me pinned to my chair
as the dancer looks my way
and comes over
all tits ass and thighs
her nakedness totally concealing
her eyes
so close now I can almost feel
the warmth of her body
and her coldness
her vulnerability transmogrified
into these outrageous gestures
she writhes like a snake
but its so fake that I’m disgusted
for both of us
I reach for the money
and she slips the notes
into her thong
a neat little row of hard legal tender
now adorning that never-to-be-won prize
like a crown of lies
“Why, thank you honey - have a nice day-
goodbye!”
Author notes
Thought about 'The Dancer' and 'House Rules' as possible titles but plummed for 'Intimacy'. Was I right?
[Reward: double points]
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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YES!
this is really good its like that prize that is never fully won if bought. i love the pic to go with this too ^-^ thank you!
~Anna
. Rewarded 4
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Irony works for me.
xa -
perfect picture for the perfect poem. Closer is my favorite movie and your words remind me so much of that scene with Clive Owen and Natalie Portman. Beautiful!
"hard legal tender" nice play
. Rewarded 4
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Not intended
Hi Gypsy and thanks for stopping by. I have to plead in my defence here that erotica was anything but my intention, though I'm a fan of the genre and have even attempted some here at Sharepo from time to time. Lack of intimacy in what looks like a highly intimate situation was much more my point, and hence,perhaps, your perception of 'neatness'. I'm tempted to explain myself further, but I really believe the poem should speak for itself. I really value the feedback though, and thank you for it. My best to you. >W< -
I am not sure how I felt about this. It felt like its intent was to be completely erotic, but was a bit short of that due to trying to be too neat.
. Rewarded 4
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I am left a bit speechless with this one >W<
The title doesn't work at all in my opinion, but I do realise it could simply be my opinion..
But it makes me mad actually that the word intamacy is used in reference to stuff that is so far from intamacy it's not funny.
I do get, theres probably a point to calling it intamacy but it just rubs me the wrong way...
and it's for that reason. I think, that I didn't enjoy the right.
To me your words are I suppose nothing I havent heard before...and maybe it's that reason I couldn'y get into the poem.
I m sorry, my friend, not a great comment from me and I do apologise for that...
It doesn't take away form simply enjoying your skills with writing
Cin
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Mystified
Hey Cinful One. I can't help thinking that if this one makes you 'mad' you may be missing the point. The poem sees lapdancing as the antithesis of intimacy. But it isn't meant to be funny either. How my words manage to 'rub you the wrong way' really mystifies me here. But I thank you for the comment on the poem just the same. >W< -
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OH no I realise you can't help it, I was just as always giving me honesty to you.
I am sorry I have mystified you darl....Maybe I just didn't get it...maybe I have pms
who knows lol
But it doesn't matter...admiring you as a writer is what counts and I still do
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< Nudity of mind,,,,
Of course everything you say is completely 'on the money' (pardon the pun) and I'm glad I'm on my laptop (again, pardon the pun ) since Java is acting up on my desktop (this is ridiculous) and wont let me 'reply' to comments publicly(as it were). The truth is I've never been anywhere near a strip joint. I don't even watch porn. Anything further from entertainment I find it hard to imagine. Because anything farther from real intimacy is hard to imagine. I was looking for a metaphor about something else. But I'm glad it stirred such reflections as it has, they are indeed the 'stuff' of the poem. Funnily enough Demi Moore was in another movie with Jude Law, (the title escapes me just now) where there's a scene in a lapdance joint which discusses the point excellently. Anyway, my basic thought would be that nudity of mind, like nudity of body is basically unattractive. Thanks for the thoughtful comment. >W< -
hey windover
i think this is a good take on the non-intamacy of strip clubs, which is as corporate and as exicting as McDonalds, and whats the point of paying to get teased. I'd rather spend my money in a sleazy dive where at least i have a chance of taking some old beer gutted bar fly home and getting it on.
dave. Rewarded 6
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Buk would have been proud ....
HaHa! Ochs I just love the way you never put a tooth in things and I believe I'm right there with you on this one. But what if I told you this actually isn't about strip joints and that I've never been in one and don't intend to try one out? It's the old dilemma. Do I beat the reader over the head with the message or let him work it out as best he can? Whatever, thanks for the read, the comment and the Bukowskian philosophy - loved it! >W<
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