They say it all falls down before it falls apart
I'm already broken baby, you've melted my mosaic heart
Make sense of these butterflies flooding me from within
And the smiles that you crack melt my skin again
Breaking free of feeling helpless is something I refuse to pursue
I'm terrified of what letting you close to me will do
It would raise the foot over my soul, binding my anxious feet
Hanging me upside down, as I struggle to barely breathe
Fear inundating my chest and leaving me soaking in sorrow
I'd miss my chance today to have a perfect tomorrow
Your back is not nearly as inviting as your soul
I'm a pawn to your mind moving however I am told
I want nothing more than to sit and play the fool
But i'm too smart to see i' can't outwit you
You pick my brain like daisies and wish I'd not shut down
With every smile, I die and come alive somehow
Resurrect my love for life and my life with lovely you
My vulnerable self is selflessly separated in two
I now know my role on earth is to keep you satisfied
On bended knee I thank God for helping my net my butterfly
what do you think?
Sorry, you cannot respond to an archived poemReviews
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Great Poem
"You pick my brain like daisies and wish I'd not shut down
With every smile, I die and come alive somehow" Awesome lines right there and your diction throughout the poem was great. I love the way you captured the butterflies sometimes felt and really enjoyed your poem. I didnt see any flaws.
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It flows
Hi Garret and welcome to Sharepo. I read both you poems and liked this on best by some distance. It flows, it has pace and it's unpretentious. It's knocking on towards being a rap I'd say. Unless I miss my guess you found this easy to write, yes? If so you have good natural instincts. Trust them. If it took you hours to contrive, print off this message, tear it up and throw it in the bin! >W<
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Speechless as to how much I love this poem...such great wording,flow...okay everything lol, was/is perfect about this to me...Just got me and I love it
Cindy
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This has a very smooth flow to it, reads well. The rhymes, though I´m not a big fan of tight rhymes, are unforced for the most mpart and the slanted rhymes do work. Seems a little like a lovers´game of chess going on here. Nice work. MJ
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Nice!
Imagery is amazing. Your word usage such as vocab and adjectives (and the rest) are great for this. I really like this. The lines are long but sustained, so they are good that way. I thought it was really interesting and it seemed honest and true. It flows nicely and all the pieces fit together perfectly. I'm impressed and astounded.
Loving it,
Adie
Itinerary
May 14
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