Swing with me.
Sway with me.
Feel the summer pounding through us,
Fast now- Quick!
Don’t let it catch you up in its writhing rhythm,
And swish! you away to another summer, another planet
Another place, another partner.
Slow now, easy.
Like drifting slowly with no current
Letting your mind wander to wonders and questions
Or ambling through the winds, and whistling to the birds.
Back and forth to the oldest song
Of the shifting tunes of season.
Just you and I.
Making our own music.
Staying in now, not then.
Someday a worry will find us, a care will come our way
And shred our souls and rip us apart.
But until then,
Nothing.
Can you tell me if the ending works with the poem? I'm thinking about cutting out some of the end. Should I? How much? Thanks so much for reading!
Sorry, you cannot respond to an archived poemReviews
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Umm...to answer you're question, I think it kind of fits. Like me personally, I think the "making our on music. Staying in now, not then." part translates into "lets have sex and forget about our bad past". So if you cut something out, I think that would be the way to go b/c at you start off with more a a lovely summer kind of thing and then it seems to morph into like a break-up poem kind of thing. Of course, I'm also not the best at close reading, ha.
Actually, I what also worries me is the "and shred our souls and rip us apart." Like I love that line, but it sticks out a bit to me.
...yeah, but other than that, I think this is a really nice read. It has a nice foundation, just needs the rest of the house. =]
Good work,
Ashley
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Thanks Ash! I'm glad you liked it. I really do need to edit this one a bit, it needs some more work, I just wanted to see if it was okay.
Thanks!
-Colin
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skipeople
June 6