i'll go no further to climb mountains
before me i don’t know
their names mostly but suppose
summits don’t give answers
nor 6,500 ft. where
i sit in a field again only this time
the buildings are behind me and
the loudest noise is
screaming
from inside me
over riotous wind scraping
overgrown bangs swaying
vanilla Ponderosa branches and sparrows
swinging on the invisible
air i can feel embrace me
if anything and if only
i could shed this veil
un-silhouette these mountains
inhale
this field of shade grass and brightness and i wonder
why the horses graze so undisturbed and why
i cannot join them.
Reviews
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This is sweet and creates a vivid picture. Altough I'm quite sure you'd like eating grass with the horses, perhaps be as collected as them, but to eat grass. . .but whatever suits your fancy! =}
Nicely done,
Ashley
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the land of enchantment...
Ashley,
depression comes at the most paradoxial of times. there was no reason for me to feel down while sitting in a field staring out at my favorite view of the Sangre DeCriso mountains on a sunny, but windy evening. my emotions were uncontrollably backwards.
anyhow, i do love fresh green grass, and supose eating it wouldn't be so bad so long as it tasts as good as it smells.
best,
Pap
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Paradise, or its close facsimile as you've portrayed it here, doesn't register as paradise when thoughts are dark and depressed, just another part of the hazy question.
The first three lines seem a bit jumbled, cluttered, run-on, whereas the rest of the poem's lines are anything but syntactically perfect but do make sense to the reader.
There is the duality here of realizing, seeing, the beauty around you, but being unable, thourgh inner tensions, from embracing it. The ending nicely emphasizes this with its puzzlement as to the stillness of the horses and why you can't be this way too. Strangely enough I sense the mood of a Leonard Cohen song in it.
I think there are some strong lessons here for people writing poems of angst and despair, in that the trouble is mentioned but other distantly related images are used to personify the uneasiness, the trouble. Cheers, MJ. Rewarded 8
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very well done. echoes that hopelessness and alonness we all feel when our sense of direction is gone..true poetry. especially liked "the buildings are behind me and
the only noise
is screaming from inside me" great rhythm!. Rewarded 4
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hmmmm
definately a different poem than I am used to reading, but thats what makes it interesting to me. the sun is definately one of the keys to good health, obviously we need to sun to survive. But that's not where you were going with this one. I liked the imagery in here, packed with some really good stuff, I could definately see it, Like all good poems, this is a painting of words. Congrats on that and keep writing good stuff. Hope to hear from ya soon.
TTYL
MM
. Rewarded 8
Perfectly unperfect
June 20