Infatuation is false but it spoke to me
happens anytime, anywhere
to anybody.
And here I remain while her life goes on
A tuesday afternoon
but it's wednesday's song.
I'm waiting for her, if she ever comes
Then she'll chew my ass up.
Her Bubble-Chump.
I've become a separate entity
from the naive boy
I had been before.
I know her heart's been growing empty.
She's wanting me less
I'm wanting her more.
Omitting the falseness of her
fictioned feelings
I see the real monster in all
her decieving.
I don't want an excuse or reason why.
Ascending to the free
I don't even
have to try.
Author notes
Just have some feelings about a certain female, and just about everybody in general I guess, who I thought had used me when really we had a great loving start, 3 months were perfect, no fights, then all of a sudden it was too much, especially for her, so she started to resent me if I tried to talk to her while she was with friends or if I asked her to do something she'd freak out So i ASSumed wrong and fucked everything up, goes to show communication is key in relationships, don't be afraid to hurt the other persons feelings b/c all you're really doing is helping the relationship by trying to fix a problem or at least acknowledge the problems you have with one another, I feel like Dr. Phil. Cya
I'd just like an honest opinion...thanks
Comments
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this is kinda painful for me to read b/c i been there done that, and your right sometimes you have to hurt the others feeling to try to save the relationship....but i hope you dont blame yourself for the relationship cuz it is her fault too b/c she didnt talk to you either so dont feel too bad
and 
s
~Sky~ -
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hey sky
thanx for taking the time to read and comment on this painful poem that has also had an almost re-birthing effect to it/me. It's really helped me see the wrongs of both parties involved in the relationship and YOU'RE RIGHT! It's not my fault that she didn't speak up until it was already too late. And I didn't notice the signs until it was already too late, LoL I mean when ya go two weeks without getting more than a peck hello/goodbye or another tiny little peck goodnight, I kind of knew something was wrong LoL. But she just kept saying, "nothing, IDK, I don't feel good, I'm just tired, not in the mood." I heard all of those and more LoL But again thanks for the support and a big back to you!
Hope to hear from you again sometime soon.
TTYSoon
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Wow
I've been doing creative writing for a long time now and Ive seen a ton of good writing and I guess its not true what they say about poets, theyre just wannabe writers that cant hack it and instead write poems because they lack the ability to maintain the long term commitment to writing a full story. But Ive found myself eating those words here after coming to this site and reading some of the poetry here, I especially like your style and the way you tell a story while still making it poetic. very nicely done
Preggers
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Believe it or not I did like your poem.It's nicely done and you've got a simple style.Maybe it's the fact that I'm kinda sensitive in general,but your poem was kind of painful too .And that's the beauty of art ,to be able to express feelings and emotions without saying much .I think many people can relate with your poem and that's a good thing.
* I have to say a huge Thank you for reading and commenting my work .Thank you so much ! You've changed my day .
~Feb~
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hey Angel
Well thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my poem. I am very glad and honored that you liked it. And I'm also glad that you enjoyed my comments, and believe me!! It was my pleasure reading your poetry. You have a gift and when I see a gift so potent and powerful in such a young person I want to get behind the poems. I love knowing what drives people to write, what their inspiration is for certain poems. Where they get certain lines or ideas for the poems. So it was good to hear from you and see such a talent. Thanks again for stopping by, You too have made my day, except for here In the United States and in WI it is almost 4 A.M. LoL. Hope to continue our online and poetic relationship. I'd also in the future like to get to know you more on a personal level if you're comfortable with that and interested...
Thanks again and I Look forward to more communications between you and I.
TTYSoon
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It's an all too familiar thing. In so many relationships, it seems like one person is more invested than the other after awhile. And in my experience, those are the hardest ones to get over.
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hey CD
I believe you are right, those are the hardest ones to get over b/c there are sooo many questions left unanswered. You want to know why, what did it? what made them start to not like you more, why didnt they tell you etc. etc. the list goes on and on and I'm sure you know that we have plenty of time to think about it. when it's all over and they're gone having fun we're trapped in a room or with friends but feeling uncomfortable, like something is missing inside of you. I know this feeling well. I am glad that you like my writing. I try to mix Free Verse and Rhyming together the best that I can to form a hybrid I like to call "Free Rhyme" LoL allowing for no rules in form or lines, you can rhymes in one stanza and then be completely in a different tone and rhythm the nexxt, but all of this is of course carefully planned so it does actually flow instead of just being a big mess LoL. But again, thank you for your kind words and your time to read and comment on my poem. Hope to hear from you again soon.
TTYL
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Infatuated? No not me, never...
well ok maybe once or several times. First stanza says it all. Second stanza hits my nail on the head. Isn't that the way it usually is? I won't say it's always the guy waiting, but it's usually painful for whichever is sitting and waiting for another chance while the other just goes on like it doesn't even matter. I like the Bubble-Chump line. I have to admit I've been chewed up and spit out a few times in my life. The third stanza describes how I felt at the end of my first real relationship. The fourth stanza however, unfortunatel, describes how I felt at the end of way to many of my other relationships. Sad but true. Last stanza, what can I say, sometimes it's just better to be free!
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hey brian
thanks alot for taking your time to read and comment on this poem and the others that you have so far, I'm very grateful for your readings. I am glad that you like some of my poetry. I think everybody can relate to falling for lust and thinking it's love instead. I'm sorry I haven't been responding or returning the favor and reading more of your poetry. I've just been busy lately but it's definately on my to do list. Looking forward to it, Hope to hear from ya again.
TTYL
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This actually confuses me.
This doesn't make alot of since to me. The author notes help alot.
This is written very well though.
=]
. Rewarded 4
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hey
thanks for taking the time to leave a comment and to read the poem, if you'd like to ask me some questions about it so you can better understand it, just send me a message and I'd be happy to help ya out, b/c this is one of the poems that I'm most proud of and I'd really like for you to understand it.
TTYL
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Alright
I liked the line "It's Tuesday afternoon, but it's Wednesday's song." It got me to feeling where you were and why you wrote it. What is a "Bubble-Chump"?
I've never seen author notes longer than the poem. ....
Fair use of imagery. Explain subject more. Way too vague. Rewarded 6
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hey
"Bubble-Chump" is a play on words with the gum brand Bubble-Yum! "therefore she'll chew my ass up" glad you liked the line with the title in it, that seems to be the most common line that is mentioned. Thank you for your time to read and leave a comment, always appreciated. Hope to hear from ya again soon and I'll try to return the favor as soon as possible.
TTYL
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very good
Reminds me lines of a poem of mine
'like a never ending desire.'Also typical male female responses -the more you run after another ,the more they become hard to get and elusive.I feel the girl lost out on a great guy.It's so hard to own up to one's wrongs etc but the young man's realization dawned too late .The title is very attractive and alluring.Great write.
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BeeGee
LoL I hope ya don't mind me calling ya BeeGee. Well thank you very much for your comment, it's always nice to hear that another artist has something similiar, I'll be checking into that for sure. Glad you enjoyed the title and the line with the title in it. My fav's too, But I have to admit I stole the title from a song, but the concept and idea of the poem is different from the song. Glad you liked it, that's always a nice and encouraging thing to hear, thank you so much, and thanks again for taking the time to leave a thoughtful comment. I hope to hear from ya soon. Will be checking into some more of your poems as soon as I get a chance.
TTYL
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hey
i really liked this one, and i think one of the reasons it is so popular is that everyone can relate to it. "she's wanting me less, i'm wanting her more" - god i know how that feels!
the opening line is strong. makes you think. it also flows really well.
as one of the other commentors said, i too found myself reading it again and again.
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Hey LV
Thank you very much for taking the time to leave a comment. I'm glad that you liked it and enjoyed the flow of it, that's definately something I like to take pride in when I write. So it's good to get positive feedback. Also...yea you're right it definately helps if a poem is more relatable, that helps it appeal to more people obviously LoL Thanks again for your time and comment. Hope to hear from ya again.
TTYL
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Yep it was indeed a pleasantry push to write in as you think yet an effortless process i should say and thats so wonderful and unique about poetry and poet..Thanks again.
Coming to your "Wednesday song"..I must say the title is pretty impressive and inducive for the readers to take a deep leap into your poem.. I liked the lines "A tuesday afternoon but its a wednesday song" that seems to give the candid cue to gauge the theme of your verses thats so well knit..It did stir up my mind's eye to see an adolescent awaiting his gal who is thoughtlessly unresponsive to his feelings..a gloomy note..yet very pictorial..Moreoever,am more pleased with your illustrative notes on the poem that says communication is key in relationships..It undoubtedly is the secret of all success in any relationship..Absolutely well said and I completely agree..You need to speak out to make it work out which otherwise would lead to lots of misunderstandings..Sharing is what it takes for a healthy relationship..Thanks for bringing in that beautiful thought
. Rewarded 8
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hey RD
Thank you so very much for your thoughtful and considerate comment, thank you even more for taking the time to do so. I'm glad that you enjoyed the poem. Saying that you liked the title and the line containing the title in it, the idea of the poem and that line were something I wanted to be different but still explain or evoke familiar or similiar feelings that others have had. Plus to hear that it worked well with the rest of the poem is always nice. Thanks again for everything and I hope to hear from ya again, and I'll be looking into some more of your poems. Good to hear from ya.
TTYL
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very good
I enjoyed reading and re-reading this which I feel tells me it is good. It made me think of movie stars I used to be infatuated with and boys from high school that I "loved." (And I am OLD!)
It made me not like her and feel bad for the speaker (you). I think that is a good thing when a piece of writing envokes an emotional response from its reader, don't you think?
The only line, or word really, I am not clear about is "ascending." I don't know that you are going up or more like moving on...
Please let me know if this was helpful at all.
Willow
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hey willow and thanks for such a thorough read and comment, I appreciate the advice and errors that you pointed out. And yes the ascending was for moving on. Like I'm going up to the free. Thanx again for such a thoughtful comment.
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I really liked it. My favorite part was,Tuesday afternoon,.. Wednesday song", as though you cannot catch up. Very clever. I also liked "fictioned feeling". It sounds as though you know this girl is not really "there" for you. I recieved great advice once. Always love someone who loves you a little bit more. Seems to work for me. Can you take a look at my poem? I would appreciate your feedback. Thanks
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Thank you
for taking the time to read and leave a comment. You're right that is good advice, it is a very safe way to date. Thank you for sharing, I'll have to keep that in mind. I will take a look at your new poem as soon as I have a couple minutes extra, and right now I'm not feeling that great I have a bad headache. But I'll be looking, if ya beat me back to the computer, send me a message with the name of the poem you want me to look at. LoL Thanks again for reading and the thoughtful comment.
TTYL
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get rid of the period after fictioned feelings (which is an awesome image!!) and make it a comma
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separate (spelling)
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Epic
"And here I remain while her life goes on
A tuesday afternoon
but it's wednesday's song.
I'm waiting for her, if she ever comes
Then she'll chew my ass up.
Her Bubble-Chump."
I really liked this part. It's like your putting your life on pause and waiting for something that will hurt you. Bubble-chump is a nice play on words and really adds to the image of the damage she might do. Very nice.
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Awww, I can completely relate. Actually, I'm sure we all have been there or somewhere similar. I've found relationships can be very tough. Not because they have to be but because we make them more difficult than they should be.
Anyways, thank you for commenting on my poem. I appreciate hearing your honest opinion on it. I don't write a whole lot but when I do I usually just let my fingers type and my mind think later. Leaves room for a lot of mistakes, I know.
I just requested you as a friend. I hope that you don't mind. Your simply amazing. =) I hope to read through some more of your writings later. For now, I have to get going. I must add... I think this marcusmoore fellow needs a picture.
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yes
I agree, we make relationships harder than they are, and I have a problem with taking things a little too fast and jumping in way over my head, just falling madly in love way too fast, but that's why I'm sooooooooo picky, I know what I want and when I find it, I never wanna let it go LoL which is terrible b/c I want to spend time with that person but also don't want to smother them, that's a big turnoff I've found out haha. Well thanks for commenting and reading of course. Hope to hear from you again in the future!! pretty sure I will be
TTYL
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I can relate to your words. This poem is sad, of course, but there is this strong sense of independence that I feel radiates from your poem. The flow was magical. The rhyme was graceful. I particularly liked these lines.
I know her heart's been growing empty.
She's wanting me less
I'm wanting her more.
This is a prime example of how well the rhyme flew and all the words glided together. Very nice job, beautiful poem, love the punchline/title --> Wednesday's Song. Very unique, very creative. I'm sorry to hear about your troubles but I hope all will be well with you again. Best of luck, and keep writing.
-Kitten
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all so sad and i think most of us have been through this type of friendship relationship lust or love .Some good lines in there
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Thank You
Dishy, I appreciate you stopping by to read this poem of pain. It took me a great deal of experience, many many highs in the relationship but the lowest of the lows after things went sour, I still feel the pain of this girl everyday, some days are better than the other, but like the poem says...ALL OF THIS)THIS POEM) IS TUESDAY'S AFTERNOON, I'M LOOKING AHEAD TO BETTER TIMES AND TO HAVING FUN WITH PEOPLE WHO REALLY CARE, BASICALLY GETTING ON WITH MY LIFE. THAT'S THE WEDNESDAY'S SONG ASPECT OF THE POEM. I hope that came across clear enough in the poem. Thank you again for reading and I hope to hear from you again soon.
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awesome
I especially like the line "Omitting the falseness of her fictioned feelings." I think that is excellent. All flows well and conveys the message perfectly.
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hey Kep
sorry about that mix up before. Thank you for stopping by to read and even more thanks for you to take the time to leave a comment. It's good to see somebody pointing out another line in the poem that was their favorite besides the tuesday afternoon but wednesday's song line. Though I love the line very dearly and am very proud of it, it's nice to see some of my other words(work) get recognition as well. Again I'm sorry if I came across as an asshole it was directed towards somebody else in a diff context. Hope to hear from ya soon and I'll be looking into some of your work.
TTYL
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the more i read of your poems, marcus, the more you have made me a fan of your work...i definitely love this one and if you don't mind, i'd like to save this in my laptop...i like the fact that you took on ld's and mj's suggestions because they definitely made your poem flow better...everybody has told you what their favorite line is in their poem, so i would just like to tell you, that what they love, i love too...but, i actually love the entire poem so...what more can i say?
well, there is one thing more...and, it is about relationships...you see, relationships will always have their ups and downs...it is just up to the people in the relationship to work things out...it's just sad that in your case, it was the girl who lost the feeling...and i'm really sorry for you...but, hey, heads up, marcus! she is the one who's on the losing end of things, not you...she won't know what she has been missing until you have been snatched by somebody else and she can't have you back ever...i've been with the same guy for 12 years now and there have been times of separation between us, but we always got back together because we worked things out and he didn't give up on me...when it was him who got on the wrong side of things, i didn't give up on him also...because we both believe that we were brought together by destiny...anyway, that is quite a long story that has better be told in another time...i just want to say that if you want to fight for her, then do...but, if you think that it's a losing battle, then give up and move on...there are other girls out there who could appreciate you for who are...
keep on writing... a great big kudos on this one...
leigh
p.s. sorry for the rambling...did i make sense? hehehe
. Rewarded 8
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hello Leigh
I'd like to thank you for your consistent
reading and commenting. And I'd definately like to thank you for your kind words and your encouragement for me to continue to write b/c I believe there are times when everybody goes back and forth from being comfortable and proud of what they write and then tend to question its quality at some other point when in a different mood or setting. So it's always nice to get a little extra push every once in a while. Thank you for "loving" the whole poem. I am very very flattered after reading your comment and thank you so very much. A single comment means alot to me, and you've given me plenty and have been consistent in giving good and constructive advice. Idk what it is about that line that everybody seems to like. I know I love the idea, but the phrase just came to my head at first in my notes as a space filler or just something I found interesting. Then one day I looked at it again and tried to think of what it really meant, what was behind those words that made them so special to me at the time. And once I figured that out while also being fueled by the anger of being fu*ked over by my gf, I just couldn't stop writing. Thank you again for time and I hope to hear from you soon. And thank you for all of the nice things you said. Hopefully someday (soon LoL) I'll find somebody that appreciates me. C-ya
TTYL
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yo marco
I really like this poem alot, definately could be put into a good song. Has that rhythm to it. So that made me like it alot, it flowed really well for me except the part that LD said, it worked, but what she recommended would make the previous line of entity stronger, at least IMHO. Other than that i don't think there's anything else id rather change. But keep writing, b/c from just the little time i've been here you seem to keep improving with each poem that you write.... Good job. keep writing an as you say ill keep readin. haha stole your words!! plaguerizer I am!! peace out happy Hannukah! or Quanza?? Or Rosh Hosh-ha-na-na? LoL All jokes to my fellow mate here, so please nobody take this seriously although it's religion. I'm making fun of myself cuz of my own ignorance of not knowing exactly what those holiday's mean or how to spell and pronounce. If anybody's offended GET OVER IT!! Peace out lol
jay man
ps. damn that was long
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"And here I remain while her life goes on
A tuesday afternoon
but it's wednesday's song." Great job with these lines......
"Know her heart for me's been growing empty.." this line seems awkward to me...kind of out of sync also.might try something like....."I know her heart has been growing empty".....I think it would be more in tune with "entity" in the lines above......just a thought....good sense of rhythm with this one. LD. Rewarded 8
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hey LD
thank you for taking the time to read and comment on this poem of mine, a very painful one. It took me to the point where I had to get a very low opinion of myself and others in it while I wrote this poem/song. I'm glad you enjoyed it. especially the point of the poem, "It's Tuesday afternoon/But it's Wednesday's song." meaning that this is what happened today, this is today's mess and the bullshit of it, But it's really about what am I gonna do tomorrow? How can I become better to make myself more appealing to myself. That was the whole idea behind it. But I was really pissed off at the girl I thought was there for me and she wasn't so this is what came out and I'm actually really happy about it b/c it's more relatable to more people I believe. Thank you again for commenting and I'm sorry for rambling on right now LoL. cya
TTYL
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Very Good
A very well written poem with a meaning to it and a point for all of us. We all have different personalities and to assume something based on what you might do or feel never quite works out. What is needed is a tincture of time. Some of my favorite lines:And here I remain while her life goes on
A tuesday afternoon
but it's wednesday's song.
I've become a seperate entity
from the naive boy
I had been before
Thanks for sharing,
Rich
. Rewarded 8
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Hey G2A
Thank you for your kind comment and your time you took to read this heartache of mine. Yes assumptions are stupid to make, but it wouldnt have worked out anyways I have recently found out b/c she just wasn't in it for the right reasons. but thank you again for your read and even more for your comment, glad you liked it.
TTYL
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Hi Marcus
It's been a long long time, and I'm sorry to hear about your situation with your gf. I wish things wouldhave worked out for the two of you. As for the poem I thought it expressed an angry undertone that definately pokes through in this one. I LOVED the phrase, "A tuesday afternoon, but it's Wednesday's Song." I thought that was so smart, saying here is today this is what it's about, but I'm looking for tomorrow. You showed that your hurt, but you still want to move on to the next day, and this is kind of your montra to remind yourself that love hurts like a motherfuc**r but there is always tomorrow. Just Brilliant. Best of wishes to you.
Sherry L.K.
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Marcus - Words coming through gritted teeth and pain, with some grudging realizations. It is a stong poem, shows growth and beginning wisdom.
I really like "A Tuesday afternoon, but it's Wednesday's song."
"Wednesday's Song" to me, would be a better title, because "Bubble Chump" as a title defines the experience, and "Wednesday's Song" does the same thing but more subtly. One other suggestion, you used an adjective "ugly" in the next to last stanza, a noun would be correct, but the suggestion is that you develop the feeling of ugly, either with an image that displays her essence, emptiness, whatever, so we can see it, what you've seen and why you're walking away from it. Good work, Cheers, MJ
. Rewarded 8
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thank you
Hey MJ, Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, more importantly leaving constructive criticism and ideas behind for me to dwell on. you're definately right about the title, the one I have is very corny and I don't like it. And the noun thing I'll have to look at when I have a little bit more time. But thank you again very much for taking your time to read, I'm very glad you enjoyed it and even more so that you felt the want to comment.
TTYL
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i really like it - i love the informality of 'shell chew my ass up contrating with 'wednesdays song' very emotion and honestxx
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strangely, I am currently watching Dr. Phil
This poem feels very honest. It has some great emotion behind it. I especially liked the lines "A tuesday afternoon/but it's wednesday's song."
I think there is a three month curse to relationships. Until my current one I had never dated a guy past three months. I think that's the point when you start to really find out who the other person is and any real problems surface. Try kidnapping her dog and then pretending to rescue it from the "kidnappers." That should work.
Andrea
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ahh ha
a very good idea indeed, I think I might add a circus elephant and a trampoline to the ransom list. Relationships are our own crazy little rollercoasters, great highs and gut wrenching lows that make your stomach hang out of your nostrils. Thanks for reading and commenting.
TTYL
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