In my reflection I see
where you were able to sneak in.
To permeate.
Invade my perfect skin
that is now cracked and filled
with the residue of insulted pride
from an insulated person.
You stomped Your failure into my core.
Making your misjudgements
sound like my fault.
My responsibility to bear?
pphhhssssSHIT...
YOUR words came out of
YOUR mouth.
Fully automatic,
coming just a little toooo fast
I can't understand it.
A sandstorm of words and emotions,
just another lie.
Light and Dark clouds representing each side.
The squalor of your mind
ME
Is chipped away with time and intoxicants.
You scrub so hard you scrape the skin's surface
to get me out of the deepest crevices of your body.
I'm the doormat to your house of comfort
where you wipe and rub the shit of your life
into the pores of my self conscious.
Grinding your feet so violently I may
never be clean of your
negative cloak.
Author notes
Man some girls are mean aren't they? LoL Black Magic Women
In a list
I'd just like an honest opinion...thanks
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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Skin-Job.
Hi Marcus. Nice title and a pretty effective write.
You keep the "pore me" metaphor ticking and I liked your equation with emotional hygiene.
"You stomped Your failure into my core." Good line.
"I'm the doormat to your house of comfort" Sorry, not sure about this line, mate, a bit clicheish? Not so charged with emotion?
Good ending with your final sentence (maybe it deserves its own mini-stanza to emphasize it?).
Well, anyway good luck with the bitches - I do hope you find one who isn´t!
Regards
gG
. Rewarded 8
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LoL thanks for the comment, I'm glad that you found it effective. And thanks for the regards about the bitches LoL
Hard to find one that's not. But supposedly if you stop looking for what it is you yearn, it will fall on your lap at the moment least expected.
TTYL
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This poem hits home! I could feel it even when I don't want to feel it because I've been there. I loved your descriptions;"You stomped your failure into my core"! Wow! "Making your misjudgements sound like my fault." and that's just the beginning. two2scoops
. Rewarded 6
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hey der, thanks a bunch...
for taking the time to read and comment on this poem, I'm glad that you liked the poem. You stated one of my favorite lines of the poem and the last stanza in this one is by far my favorite in this poem of mine. Thank you again for reading and taking the time to leave a comment, I would have liked to receive a grade on the applause meter where it's one out of three clappers, but not everybody uses them so oh well, But for those who don't give them, I don't give them back. But I will still comment on your work, thank you again for taking the time to come and look at this poem. Hope to hear from ya again sometime soon.
TTYL
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love it
i love this poem and the whole metaphor in general. i especially like the first stanza which is just captivating and incredibly written. Rewarded 4
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thank you
for taking the time to read and comment on this poem, I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed it and found it well written, I would have liked to receive a grade on the applause meter where it's one out of three clappers, but not everybody uses them and that's okay, But for those who don't give them, I don't give them back. But I will still comment on your work, thank you again for taking the time to come and look at this poem. Hope to hear from ya again sometime soon.
TTYL
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Great Poem.
Its all too realistic how exes can get under your skin and in most situations they stay with you for your lifetime.A new partner is always a great exfoliation though
.Great Poem.
. Rewarded 4
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yes that's true
I believe the best exfoliation to an ex would be to find a new partner, that's for sure. That's why the rebound theory often ends up becoming a little more than just a rebound and often tends to land longer than most intend.
TTYL
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Very direct. and I like the title. a lot... Wish I'd have thought of exfoliating my ex(es)... Anyhow, "pphhhssssSHIT...
YOUR words came out of
YOUR mouth.
Fully automatic,
coming just a little toooo fast"
reminded me of popping a series of beer cans/ wine bottles really fast.. and then using them as weapons of some sort...
Also liked "I'm the doormat to your house of comfort
where you wipe and rub the shit of your life
into the pores of my self conscious." Reminds me how easy it is to let someone treat u like a piece of shit.
Good read. Rewarded 8
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hey there
Thank you for the time it took to read this poem and thanx even more for the time it took to leave a comment. It means a lot to me, especially when somebody hit it on the head like you did. You picked out some strong points in the poem and I liked that you picked out my two favorite parts of the poem, yes LoL it does sound like that when you make the noise aloud, it's fun actually LoL but I figured it would be an original way to say "hold up" "wait a sec" or "uh huh, stop" and then with the overall message of the poem, you're right it's actually very easy to let somebody treat you like a piece of shit when you're blinded by love or they're using it as a mask. well I g2g but it's been nice hearing from you. Welcome to SP and I'll be looking forward to hearing from ya again sometime soon.
TTYL
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My responsibility to bear?
pphhhssssSHIT...
YOUR words came out of
YOUR mouth.
Fully automatic,
coming just a little toooo fast
I can hear this part out loud..and with appropriate attitude. This whole poem's got spunk, power too. I imagine whoever it is you're writing to deserves it and would benefit from a good read through of what you've got to say here.
I hope this poem was as therapeutic for you to write as it was to read.. mean girls are mean boys are mean girls..none of it is foreign to me.. or anyone else, I'd assume.
Well done, I enjoyed this one thoroughly. More, please!
annac. Rewarded 8
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yo marco polo
I had thought i read every single poem that you had to offer, I guess i missed one man, sorry haha. As im sure you've noticed i haven't been on the site in a VERY VERY long time. suckz to be me i gues. but how have u been man? nuff small talk i liked the poem and thought u described well how some girls can be vindictive and manipulating. it doesnt seem like she was being very manipulative but she definately used you. But hey at least ya guys prolly got some good sex out of it eh?? haha ya gotta look at the brighter side of things brother. well i gotta go my head is gettin' heavy brother man, nice write I enjoyed the imagery and and the heavy metaphors. You did a good job and your probly better without whoever this girl is. Good luck in the fture and you deserve better than that. But I'm sure like all young relationships, it has to do with everybody growing up a little bit, everybody is just immature to some degree so some relationsihps are harder than others, but you did a good job displaying all of that shit here in this poem. nicely done playboy haha, thats your new nick name for me at least. Peace Playboy hehehaheeeee Yay!! Im singing in the rain
Peace out
Jay-Bone
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Hey Marcus,this reads like it is written by someone who is too nice to be mean,i think you could have shown a little more moxy,you know,really laid it down.It could easily be much more powerful and convincing.
Regards,Rhetorica.. Rewarded 4
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yea pretty much
when it comes to being with a female and in a relationship I am always a little too nice and pampering, I really have to be pushed and cornered for me to actually blow up or exert any negative energy or express any negative feelings for somebody. So you definitely hit the nail on the head with the phrase when you said it seems like it was written by a person too nice to be mean. But that's not entirely true. Like I said if cornered or attacked for no good reason I can be very mean in my attacks, which are always verbal of course, and have no problem just saying the worst things that cut the deepest right away. But either way I am glad that you read the poem and I'm very grateful that you left a comment. I hope you enjoyed the poem and thank you for your time, it really means a lot to me. I will for sure return the favor ASAP. Thanks again, will be talking to ya soon.
TTYSoon
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Honistly...I like it. It is very metophoric, and easy to relate to. My favirote line is, {I'm the doormat to your house of comfort}, very wonderfly put.
. Rewarded 4
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Marcus...
This is such a powerful read! From the beginning to the end I was impressed.
"that is now cracked and filled
with the residue of insulted pride
from an insulated person"
WOW, the metaphors you used in this poem are just outstanding,a wonderful way of saying that what they say and do seeps into you, but bounces off of them leaving you afflicted and them unaffected, I too can relate (you will see me say that a lot in this comment)
"You stomped Your failure into my core.
Making your misjudgements > no e here
sound like my fault.
My responsibility to bear?"
This is something that I can definitely relate to. My ex had the same tendencies, you did a great job putting those feelings into words. It's the shifting of blame that often enables the "others" to live with themselves and rationalize what they do, and cause.
"pphhhssssSHIT...
YOUR words came out of
YOUR mouth.
Fully automatic,
coming just a little toooo fast
I can't understand it.
A sandstorm of words and emotions,
just another lie.
Light and Dark clouds representing each side."
I like how you came back combative here...good job.
"I'm the doormat to your house of comfort
where you wipe and rub the shit of your life
into the pores of my self conscious."
Grinding your feet so violently I may
never be clean of your
negative cloak."
a very poignant ending, this to me accurately depicts that lingering hurt that stays with you long after the person leaves.
Marcus, I have to give you props for writing such a heartfelt poem, you don't see these intense emotions being expressed by men very often, and honestly I think it makes you even more of a man to be able to openly express them. Wonderful imagery, excellent use of metaphors, just a unique and definitely original take on a very powerful subject. Well done overall.
. Rewarded 8
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hey der lady
what's goin on? Thank you for taking the time to comment. I am glad that you enjoyed the poem. I am very pleased to see that you liked it. I was a little unsure of the poem after posting and writing it, but I've come to notice that whenever you get that feeling it's usually b/c your baring yourself out there for everybody to see and you're just afraid that they might not like it. But I'm starting to learn how to ignore that little voice now. LoL Well it's not good that you can relate to the poem but it is good to know that others have gone through the same thing and that I'm not in alone and all that kinda stuff LoL. Elation I guess is the feeling. But that feeling or expression is and can be associated with a lot of different situations. Again thank you sooo very much for commenting, It's always a pleasure to hear from you. Thanks again, Hope to keep hearing from you.
TTYL
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get the soap!
Definately made me feel dirty. I feel a lot of different things when I read this. I love your metaphors and visuals they come together quite well here. Keep up the great work!
. Rewarded 4
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hey enoq
glad to hear that the poem had affected you in another way other than just you reading it. It's always nice when somebody says they "felt" something while or after reading your poem. I'm glad that you enjoyed the read, though relatively new here at SP you've gained alot of respect already with your good writes and sound comments. I say this so you know that your praise is being taken seriously instead of somebody who's giving it out like their promoting how nice they are. LoL Anyways thanks for taking the time to read the poem and even more so take the time to leave a comment. Will return the favor. Hope to hear from ya again soon.
TTYL
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I feel like you may have written this about me.
Ha, well not me, but someone I dated.
The third stanza is really powerful. I'm haunted by past relationhips.
I am in love with your writing. -
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hey CD
yeyes this is about the same girl that wednesday's song was about, it's amazing how much damage one person can do to another in such a short amount of time. I'm saddened that you can relate b/c that means somebody stomped on your heart and then walked all over you while the whole time they're telling you that they never really cared about you anyways. LoL Man Some people can just be assholes...Thank you so very much for saying that you are in love with my writing, I hope that you continue to read and leave comments for I would love to know what you think about some of my other favorites that I have written. As I will surely return the favor and read your poetry as I have already become a quick fan of yours. I hope to hear from you soon.
TTYL
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I thought you wern't from around here...
and yet it sounds to me as if you've been dating some of my exes.I'm glad to know that not all women are like that. Unfortunately I been with my share that were. I like the title. Maybe I should write one called How To Lose 130lb. Ofcourse I struggled to put this into a rhythm out of habit. I recognize that it's not intended to have one per say. The second stanza was most definitely typical of two of my exes so I guess you could say it's my most and least favorite. Hope that makes sense. Your third stanza is one of my other exes - Fully automatic-...only mine was a snowstorm of emotion because if her temper didn't have her hot than hell the bitch was cold as ice. I guess for that reason I don't really like that one either. Forth stanza yet another ex - The squalor of your mind ME is chipped away with time and intoxicants. I really don't like that one. Last stanza, that's was all of them so I can stand that one.
All in all I have to say I hate this poem hope you understand. Damned Exes!
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HaHaHa
Hey BB, Yea I can understand you not liking this poem or what it relates to, but you having those feelings and memories come flooding back means I did my job and the poem had an impact on you. So ya basically gave me the best compliment you could have by saying that you hated it haha. And if that's not the way you hated it then oh well shit happens, ya can't like everything. But I'll take it as the first one since that's what my instincts tell me and that's the one I would prefer LoL. thanks again for being such a prominent reader of my work. I can definately say with pride that I am a fan of yours. Well it's time for me to go check out some poetry. Thanks again.
TTYL
MM
P.S. You're right, damn exes are always coming back to mess with your head. lol Sorry for helping them come back and haunt you.
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People are mean. I think all people are mean. Me too. But I'm not always mean. Neither are other people. Except this girl I had once. Sweet flo, she called herself. She was quicker than a snake. Had a bite on her. But we were both mean then. and we still are.
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good job
I really enjoyed this marcus! I'm surprised that a male would have come up with a title and idea that has to do with exfoliation haha very original indeed like WH said. I like what's written here, I'm not sure if this is the version that WH and Raven read but it doesn't feel/read all that raw to me, and the rawness that is in there gives it the raw "scrubbing" almost painful feeling to it. I thought that that was great you could find another way to express that emotion. Congrats my young friend on a piece well done, at least in my opinion, keep it up kiddo. best of wishes to ya.
S.L. Kraemer
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hey, marcus
i see where you are getting at here...and this is definitely one of those poems that contain no obvious cliches...i like this and would like to see this again once it has been polished into the rare gem that it is...but, right now, may i assume that the rawness of this piece makes it still a work in progress, am i right or am i wrong? ehehehe...hope you don't mind my assumption, it's just that there are still some things lacking here...like maybe you can take a look into the grammar and the punctuations and the breaking of lines...hmm...i think you probably will know what i mean, especially if you'll read through this piece again...
at this point, i don't like to give out suggestions or corrections to your work as i know that you have the capability to iron things out...i know that you are quite good at this (you've helped me out, remember?)...so, be looking forward to reading a polished version of this in the coming days, hope you keep me posted...
. Rewarded 8
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Original for sure!
Hey Marcus, this is definitely an original. I like the topicality of the images and the directness of the language
pphhhssssSHIT...your words came out
of your mouth, fully automatic,
coming just a little toooo fast
Great! That word you created looks like a can or a beer bottle opening!
It's a little raw but it's going a good direction. Kudos. >W<
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