Whispers of want float in the winds
of loose legs and women of sin.
We men
Hunters of the mighty puss,
the heavenly hole.
But the times began to change
A role reversal
waited in the wings.
The loose legs became few
and further between.
HaHaHaHaaa
Now they're all
expecting something.
The hunters grew restless
the women hungry.
Then only one amongst them,
the one they called "Madame",
the first of her kind rose to speak.
A simple fee,
ahhhhh...it's riches they seek.
Most hunters willing
to give up the chase,
for the easy access
to all the loose legs.
It's history lost in time
just more we'll never find.
What was truth, what was legend?
Some truths can't survive their age
but the legend lives on forever...
of women and their loose legs.
Author notes
just a joke about how brothels and whorehouses were started, IDK IF ITS A POEM, SO YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK....????
In a list
I'd just like an honest opinion...thanks
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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OK. I've made back around...
to the first poem pf yours that I commented on. Shall I give it another go? Yes, I think I shall. It has some nice little rhymes thrown in here and there. It doesn't bother me that it doesn't rhyme all the way through. We both know that's not only not necessary but that a lot of people don't care for full on rhyme. It has a decent rhythm. Maybe a coulple of rough spots. One that jumped out at me was lines three and four. I'd be tempted to bring Hunters and maybe of back up to line three to even it out a little. A few other little spots here and there. In answer to your question again. Yes, absoulutely, it's a poem. I'm surprised you asked.
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Poety is a form of expression. Therefore I say it's a poem.
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it's a poem if you say it's a poem, right? I don't know poetry. I can't tell what is or isn't. maybe every comment we leave is poetry. maybe it isn't. maybe when we order hash browns and black coffee, we are speaking a poem. who knows. I just read. but I still don't know.
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hey marcus. This one definately caught me by surprise. I was reeled in by the title of the poem. Reading this one was definately something of yours I've never read before, well what I guess im trying to say is that I wasnt expecting you to write something like this hehe
but it is creative and after reading you thought of it as a parody, I wouldnt think that was true, except for maybe the part about men giving up the hunt/chase for the sake of just picking it up off of the streets with such ease. Is that the way you feel about it, or are you one of the ones willing to give up the "hunt" lol you males and your hunting. best of wishes
S.L. Kraemer
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well... the writing is really good... very subtle mid-rhymes really does wonders for the readability.
I just have a point to make... the "Role reversal" part doesn't come out too well. Maybe if you could give a lil bit more clarity as to the roles before and after the reversal it would help.
Just a suggestion.
Lastly, the poem really doesn;t come out as a joke!! YOu should really remove that part from your notes
. Rewarded 8
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hey mm
as a theory this is a least as plausible as the big bang theory. this also makes a good point that if its too easy to get we men get soft and lose our edge, what comes easy doesnt' have much value.
dave. Rewarded 4
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correct
LoL you have a very good point. But I wasn't trying to prove or create a theory as to how they actually were created, I know how they were created and why. For sex and money. This was simply supposed to be a joke in the form of a poem. The bigger joke of the poem is that women started whorehouses, not men. (whisper)there's always a bigger picture(end whisper) And yes what comes easy definately loses it's value and if ya give up the chase you definately get soft and lose your edge very fast. I had never thought or considered the poem to convey that type of message with it also, but it definately does now that you mention it. thank you for your time and comment.
TTYL
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mm
i was joking also.
dave
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clever
I think the idea and execution of this is really weird and unexpected. I'm a sucker for weird and unexpected.
. Rewarded 4
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thank you
Well thank you very much for checking out this poem. The idea of it just hit me while I was watching this really old movie, it started out with the whole "a long time ago..." scheme and I just thought that enough was enough, and somebody needed to make fun of that kind of idea. So I started to think of what would make a good parody and so far I believe it worked b/c the first two to comment have been smart young intelligent women. SO thank you very much for your time and your comment, and if you found it to be clever & weird then I am flattered, I can tell from your writing that you're a very intelligent young woman. I can tell from your page and your comments that you are also a very free spirit who always finds a way to see things differently than others, almost as if you see things through some sort of lens that nobody else has. This is a very good thing b/c it gives your poetry and your personality a very nice edge that is both intimidating and attractive. ALWAYS good to hear your opinion.
TTYL
MM
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hmmm...are most hunters really willing to give up the chase?
hahaha...you, hunters...won't you ever learn?
this is quite a humorous piece, marcus...i do hope though that brothels were never created in the first place...gives us women a bad image, don't you think? anyways, the fact is that they are there and they serve the purpose for those men who are not contented with their wives or their girlfriends...shame on those kind of men...i just hope, i won't ever experience being the woman being cheated by a man who fell for these loose legged legends...
. Rewarded 8
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Hey Leigh!
LoL it's very good to see that you commented on this poem and I am glad that you understand that it is just a joke and has nothing to do with the way that I see women in today's world. I was raised by women so I guess that explains my sensitive side and overall high level of respect I have for women, B/c lets just face it, you guys got the shittier end of the stick when it comes to the nature of life. Men don't have to carry a child around, push it out, we don't have the pain of having your period, every month! LoL There are many many more things and I could go on forever. But then there are also many beautiful things that come with being a woman that men will never know about. But I mean we do get to pee standing up & almost wherever we want LoL. I'd definately have to agree with you on the stigma that has been created for all women, even if they just have alot of male friends, some people think they are getting around and will call them slutty or a whore. Like you said it gives women a very bad image and it's one that seems to be impossible to shake. In my poem the brothels were started by women, that never happened and never would have happened. At least not of my knowledge. I too hope that you are never caught up in a relationship with a man that has the need to go out elsewhere to get what he wants/needs. It's an ugly feeling just thinking about being cheated on. Thank you again for commenting on this joke of mine LoL. And thank you even more for being such a faithful reader and always telling me how you truthly feel. it is much appreciated. I always look forward to reading your thoughts on any subject I hope to hear from you again soon.
TTYL
MM
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