She left me walking home through the cold, cold night
She left me walking home out of pure cold spite
She left me walking home where I didn’t know the way
And never bothered to find out if I was ok
She left me with my thoughts, but my faith was waning
She left me with my thoughts, but they were complaining
That everything so far in my life was a blur
Except for the love that I had felt with her.
Because hers is a face that isn’t looking through me
And hers is a voice which takes note of what I say
And hers is a touch that lingers for a moment
But hers is a touch which will never fade away
She left me lying alone with my dreams blown out
She left me lying alone, I was full of doubt
About whether that empty pillow next to me
Would make me lonely, or would it set me free?
Because hers is a face that isn’t looking through me
And hers is a voice which takes note of what I say
And hers is a touch that lingers for a moment
But hers is a touch which will never fade away
I believed in the love that she gave me
But now that belief is fading away
Away, away, away, away
I believed in the way that she saved me
But now that belief is fading away
Away, away, away, away
My faith is fading away, away
My faith is fading away, away
My faith is fading away, away
Won’t somebody please help me?
My faith has faded into the cold, cold night.
Comments
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hey Dirty Clean
heylo, first off I just got out of the place you are describing in a recent breakup, and it's good not to feel as shitty as I did when things first went sour. You described alot of the feelings pretty well and in depth. Some of it got a little repititious for my tastes and liking. But that didn't stop me from enjoying the poem. I liked alot of the rhymes and thought that they flowed well, there were few exceptions. The one that stuck out the most was this one. The syllable count is off and interrupted the flow.
"About whether that empty pillow next to me
Would make me lonely, or would it set me free?"
I think it would work better if ya got rid of "it" in the second line. There were a few others but I'm sure you can find them. Other than that I enjoyed the poem. Thanks for sharing. I thought there were too many "always" at the end of the poem as well, but that is of course up to you, it seems like this would be a much better song as for the refrain and slanted rhymes that sound better with the accent of voice. I'm guessing that's what this poem was originally supposed to be?? But that could just be the songwriter part of me.
ps. The line I had suggested you fix was included in my favorite stanza of the poem.
TTYL
MM
. Rewarded 8
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when someone you love walks away without looking back it feels as if cold steel is ripping your heart apart.. i know that feeling.. the poem is lovely... "She left me lying alone with my dreams blown out
She left me lying alone, I was full of doubt
About whether that empty pillow next to me
Would make me lonely, or would it set me free?"
i like this very much... the feeling at that moment is so full and so empty... both..
anyways.. wonderful write.. hope to read more..
Take care
Traveller
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