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Dear Sunlounger

In your eyes a thousand suns set,
beautiful nights took over
even more beautiful evenings...
Sunlounger, i shall wait to see
the beauty of a dew drop
touched by the soft first ray of the sun

a sunrise - in your eyes

ever felt happy to see someone else smile?

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Reviews


  • iphios silver member
    August 15

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    Your poem never fail to draw me in. Though your poetry in this site comes after long intervals, when they come its sure to please.

    The brevity of this poem, the images, and the tone is beautiful. It does remind you of the sunrise...sunlight through your window. Your created an image of a happy person, by putting the sun in him/her. And yes, sometimes a smile on someone else can make you happy. Seeing a long depressed person finally smile, in my experience, leave the witness happy. Beautiful poem Lonely Traveller. Its always a pleasure reading your poetry. It always takes me somewhere else in a seemingly effortless manner.

    -iphios

    . Rewarded 8


  • marcusmoore silver member
    August 20

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    yeah

    A smile can be just as contagious as when somebody yawns, if not more so. A smile is a very powerful sign of emotion, if it is a genuine smile of course. Then ending for me doesnt work with the rest of the poem. When you say a sunrise in your eyes, it makes me think of pain, I mean IDK what happens to you when the sun gets "in" your eyes, but it gives me a pretty bad headache. So if it were my poem I would definately find a different way to explain looking at the sunrise. But that's just my opinion. Overall I thought the poem was good, but could definately be better with a few simple strokes of revision. Hope to hear from ya in the future and I'll be looking into some more of your work. You definately show promise in your writing.

    TTYL
    MM

    . Rewarded 8


  • dirty clean poet
    August 29

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    i always feel happy to see someone smile lol

    i enjoy the natural imagery in this poem, and the idea of a sunrise "in your eyes" is gorgeous; were you talking about a reflection or, metaphorically, someone's eyes lighting up? i guess that's up to the reader to interpret- either way it's beautiful.

    i can imagine the "beautiful nights" taking "over even more beautiful evenings" as you just wallow in the company of a loved one- really tugs at the heartstrings

    . Rewarded 8

  • blazingleo
    August 29

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    very good

    The makings of a poet.Very observant and romantic .So much of optimism and yet there is pathos in each line .I have fallen in love with this poem.

    . Rewarded 4